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Fathers Day!

ejamer's picture

Well, I am on a break from the SD's   I get my shot on Friday and am staying away from them to avoid exposure for 14 days.  My DH told me that he forgot to tell me that they are staying for fathers day instead of going home their regular Saturday night. I was annoyed but since he usually puts things in the calendar and he forgot I let it go. This means they are on their own for fathers day. I made the mistake of letting my DH talk me into helping his lazy rude oldest SD17 who never makes him cards or gets him gifts or attempts to do anything nice for him on his birthday or for Christmas. He talked me into helping her get him a gift this year. So I did. I bought him some gifts and then let her wrap them and give them to him. She was entirely ungrateful. I don't know why I was surprised by this. As stated on another blog the whole thing backfired anyways and his birthday was ruined by their drama!. So here we have fathers day. 

Typically fathers day falls on a day when they are at their BM. He usually takes them out for brunch and spoils them on fathers day. I never heard the term Disney dad till I got on here. Yes, that's exactly what I am dealing with a .... Disney dad.

Last night my DH came to me and said he forgot to tell me that the BM told him that she would be out of town and he would have the SD unit Sunday afternoon. I smiled and said ok dear, so why don't you have some brunch and then drop them off at their BM house after your fathers day brunch so we can spend the rest of the day together. They are certainly old enough to take care of themselves at their mothers and typically they complain and want to go to their moms anyway. He agreed! I was shocked. 

Thank god for this sanctuary. If I hadn't found it I would probably be texting the SD right now asking them what they were doing for their father. It makes me quite sick to my stomach that the bM has never tried to teach them how to be giving and generous. They typically do absolutely nothing. The youngest draws him pictures ( that was cute at 10) She's 15 now so ?? But they don't get money or allowance and they have no idea how to give or think about others. They simply have not been taught. Sad. Oh, yah and I think if they could I would get a kick in the pants. No gifts ever for me. 

 

Comments

CLove's picture

Yeah, selfishness can be taught, just like generosity.

I think people who are spoiled, just learn how to take. But past a certain age, its not excusable. SDs over here have done things when they have money, for Husband. Never for me, however. And Ive spent hundreds over the years on birthdays and Christmas, and just because "hey lets go have fun!"

But rude? When you help out? Just wow. Weak and Disney parenting.

Great idea that you support and yet are not involved. I asked Husband what he is doing for Fathers Day. "Im not sure". Then I asked do you want to do something with my Dad, all together. "No". OK.

He will get a text, maybe. Its SD15's weekend with Toxic Troll. So, who knows.

ejamer's picture

I totally get you! I would not be surprised if the SD completely forgets it's fathers day and I won't be there to remind them so I wonder if they will even acknowledge it. Also, they are passive-aggressive brats so when they are mad they hide in their rooms and they are always unhappy about something. I am sure by Sunday they will be Disney landed out and full of their take-out hamburgers fries and shakes and just so dam tired that they can't possibly remember or do anything for their dad on fathers day. DH will probably make up an excuse for them which is" they are just teenagers." I wonder what he will say when they are 30. They are just 30!

Stepdrama2020's picture

You have selfish entitled skids. Lucky you and everyone who has had this shit in their life.

So happy that you realize helping these shit skids in anyway gets you nothing. Unappreciative lil dicks deserve none of your attention or time. 

 

ejamer's picture

 Yep and I kept on giving to them. . Stops now. 

Cover1W's picture

It makes me quite sick to my stomach that the bM has never tried to teach them how to be giving and generous. They typically do absolutely nothing. The youngest draws him pictures ( that was cute at 10) She's 15 now so ?? But they don't get money or allowance and they have no idea how to give or think about others. They simply have not been taught.

Same issue here. No please/thank you unless it's something they realllllly like and then it's the most half-hearted thanks. No allowance, no requirement they learn how to buy things or budget their money. Nothing. But don't forget that's also partly on DH!  DH opened a kids account for YSD 4 years ago (to her crying protests - it was ridiculous) at my urging as she had expressed an interest in keeping her money and organizing it. Well that account balance has been $0 ever since. He never even required either SD bring some of their $ to them to the credit union - and they DO have gift money. So after that I was DONE dealing with it. If he and BM want kids who don't know how to manage money, let alone earn it, then it's not on me.

Any yes, my YSD15 still makes drawings for gifts. In fact, this last Christmas she gave DH and I OLD art things she did in school over a year ago. Great. Thanks. DH didn't seem to care at all - she absolutely put zero thought into it (and can never ever ask for help - ever).

BTW:  OSD17 gets zip from me since she left our home and treats DH like nothing. YSD15 got only a card from me this year since she doesn't care about gifts and not even money (I gave her cash last year to basically a shrug). She didn't even open it but stuck it in her bag and asked if she could open it later. FFS.

 

ejamer's picture

We have had so many arguments about his zero parenting!. I have pointed out everything to him. They are going to grow up selfish human beings who don't know how to give. They are gong to be lazy dirty kids who don't shower or have any incentive because their parents have zero expectations of them. This is why they both have MH issues. They are going go have trouble in relationships because they have no concept of reciprocity. This has got me NOWHERE except him pointing the finger at me and saying " you keep saying I am a bad parent." Then he goes off and continues his Disney parenting. This situation reminds me of the screaming partner telling her spouse " your an alcoholic!" and him saying you keep saying that and I keep saying I am not until one day she stops saying anything about the drinking and he looks in the mirror and instead of seeing her yelling at him he sees himself and decides to change his behaviour. I am not counting on anything changing here except of course saving my sanity. I think I am starting to get that I can't be the fourth leg that keeps the chair up - that I need to cut the leg and let the dam chair fall so they can all suffer the consequences of their own misery. I can support from a distance but that's it. Even my health is starting to go because of the stress of it all. 

Cover1W's picture

....and that's why I disengaged. I'm not the bad person/scapegoat for pointing out behaviors that do not bode well. And just because I'm "not a parent" doesn't mean I'm not a rational well-adjusted adult who lives with them 50% of the time. So obviously I know nothing, and thus, I do nothing.

bananaseedo's picture

But using the analogy of drinking, my DH wouldn't have ever 'seen it' - I had to have a hard conversation that if he didn't stop drinking liquor I was out.  And he knew I was serious and ready to end the marriage.   You may have to apply the same hard line with him to get him to step up the parenting.  Yes, I had to do that with SD and his lack of parenting as well- I was more then ready to end things, he knew I wasn't bluffing.

 

step-out's picture

.. is Father's Day is not about me organizing or helping out my DH. I am hands off.. if SD wants to take him out, that would be great! I don't need to feel any obligation to make this day as I'm completely disengaged and like it that way.