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Worried about ADHD stepson's influence on my bio daughter who just turned 3

eirol74's picture

Submitted by eirol74 on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 8:42am

I have a 6 year old stepson that was just diagnosed with ADHD. He isn't a bad kid but just acts silly and impulsive all of the time. He also won't do anything for himself and expects everyone to cater to him. We are in the process of getting him on meds to help control his behavior. He lives with me and my husband (his bio dad) 95% of the time. My stepson's mother has decided that he is too much to handle and only sees him every other weekend. My problem is I have a 3 year old daughter who copies everything he does. When they are at the table together he does silly things like playing with his food or wiggling around or making faces just so she will copy him. He constantly is doing something just so she will do it and then says to her "don't copy me". I tell him to go do his own thing if he doesn't want her copying him. He always has to be the center of attention and acts just completely silly if he has an audience. I am worried this is going to affect my daughter. She is not ADHD, is very intelligent, does alot for herself and very sweet most of the time. After she is with him she will be rude, won't do anything for herself and argues with me. He constantly argues with me about everything and she is picking up on it. I don't know what to do anymore. I keep splitting them up by sending them to daycare on different days or splitting them up with family. My husband is getting upset with me for splitting them up but I don't like how my stepson acts and don't want him influencing my daughter. I have tried talking to my stepson about his behavior and he doesn't care what I say. He actually doesn't care what his father says either. I am at a loss because I have twin boys that are 8 months old and they require alot of my time so I don't have time to give my stepson a behavior overhaul. I also don't feel that I should have to do it on my own since my stepson's mother doesn't want him and my husband works alot of hours so I can stay home with my daughter and twin boys. I have thought of getting a job and moving out to get my daughter away from the bad influence. I love my husband and want him to be there for our kids but I am getting to where I can't stand my stepson.

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MeandMine's picture

Submitted by MeandMine on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 10:00am

Hi Eirol,
Im new here too, I justed wanted to say "WOW" you have your hands full, my sister has twin boys and they are nonstop.
I think your doing the right thing by keeping your 6 year old busy with daycare.
My youngest daughter mimicked her borther, and they are 3 years apart, its only natural. If he hit she would hit, she did everything he did. Your little girl is only three and just seems to be absurbing everything.
I think once she gets older she will find her way and learn from you what is acceptable.
I hope the meds help him. and I wish you all the best because you really have alot going on,

Sia's picture

Submitted by Sia on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 10:49am

and honestly, I would just do what you need to do to make sure that YOUR daughter learns the proper way to behave. If he is acting out and she copies, explain to her that type of behavior in not acceptable and move on...hopefully she will come to understand what is/isn't correct behavior. Also, have DH ask SS's doc about how to avoid this situation.

StepG's picture

Submitted by StepG on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 12:10pm

will help you SS tremendously. I have a SS 8 almost 9 diagnosed with ADHD when he was about 6 1/2. He is wild and impulsive and at times obnoxious even with the meds. Part of it is the ADHD but part is him just being a boy. I do not want him quit and like a zombie. I would not want to remove so much of his liveliness I just want him to be able to focus and concentrate when needed. SS is very sweet and loving and does for himself. I tell him I am not his maid. He takes Focalin XR 15mg. SS has the can't sit stills to but it more like he is uncomfortable in his own skin. I know that can be aggravating to you and it is to me sometimes but then there are times where I see SS squirming, pulling at his shirt, shorts, scratching his leg, head whatever and I can see how it irratates him way more than me so I know he cannot help it.

Be patient and get the meds. As far as your daughter if she copies him tell her it is unacceptable and if she continues then you dish out the discipline. While she is only doing what he does she still needs to know that is not an excuse to continue doing it!