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Just Curious, How Many People Have Started Taking Medication Since Becoming a Step-Mom?

effigy's picture

Submitted by effigy on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 6:56pm

This is just a curious question as it is something that DH and I have semi argued about. Has anyone started taking medication, i.e., anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medication since becoming a step-mom?

I've got to tell you, I've dealt with many a stressful situation. I was married to the man that I thought was the love of my life, we decided to have a baby together and when I became pregnant it all started falling apart. He was/is a Hollywood agent and sometime during my pregnancy he struck a bad deal and lost a lot of money - a lot. As a result, and rather than being a man, he abandoned me -- literally in the middle of the night -- and moved to Los Angeles (I live in New York) when I was eight months pregnant. He tried to insist that I put my baby up for adoption and his family, who are comprised of high rolling New York City millionaires have not recognized my son to this day. My ex-husband has seen him once, when he was about six months old for less than ten minutes. Talk about stressful. He left me with no money, (I didn't have a job), no house, no family, not even a car. I struggled and worked very hard to ensure the best life possible for my son. I had an infant by myself and a full-time job. I pumped breast milk in the bathroom at work on a regular basis. My son never even had a crib. Still none of that compares to how I feel now.

I guess part of it is that I did go through so much. I am at a point now where I see what I have done and what I've gone through and I see this brat of a child screwing it all up for me. Totally slowing down my progress and causing such interference in my life.

I have never had a problem with sleeping or anxiety until now. Now I'm actually having anxiety attacks and wills sometimes stay awake for days at a time, either worrying of just too pissed off to sleep. My doctor gave me Ativan when I went there on day three of no sleep. I swear, I take it and nothing else matters. My house could be on fire and I'd just calmly grab my kid and walk out. It's amazing.

Now whenever I get upset my husband claims it just because I haven't taken an Ativan. I try to explain to him that the Ativan just makes it so that I am able to deal with this very 'effed' up situation; I do not need it to function normally.

I apologize for my vent. I guess that after my last post I realized that I am trying to hold onto something that I'm not sure I should be holding onto.

After the crap I went through with my fist husband and after raising my son without a father for so long -- and watching how happy he is with my husband - my son loves my husband and he is very good to him -- I just don't know what the right thing to do is.

My step-daughter is very damaged and getting worse by the minute. It's affecting me and it's affecting my son. Nothing I have done has made a difference. Should I cut my losses and get out now? If I do I risk putting my son in a situation where he actually feels the effect of losing a father figure. If I don't he could be subject to worse.

Additionally, having already been divorced once, especially under those circumstances where my child was essentially shunned, I am embarrassed to get divorced again.

Has anybody else been here?

Comments

stepgin's picture

Submitted by stepgin on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 7:58pm

Wow, you've been through a lot!!! I haven't had to take meds...yet! But I did have to go to counciling to get a handle on how to deal with a lot of these issues brought on by horrible steps. Hang in there! I would definitely get some help. Atavan should just be a temporary crutch and it sounds like you and DH have issues to deal with together. Good luck to you.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 8:07pm

This is so timely for me. I took some xanax last week at least 4 days while skids were here. I feel like things just get too out of control sometimes when they visit. Extended visits are the worst for me. Two days is one thing, 7 is so long. I am still trying to connect and be involved even though I don't want to. I know I get jealous and want it to be just me and SO when they are here. I try to keep that to myself.
So yes, I do have more anxiety. Even now that they are gone, its like it takes me a few days to recover and for the anxiety to go away.

I have always had anxiety though, but they make it unbearable without meds.

I've considered seeing someone, but I worry because we may eventually want to adopt and I don't want it to affect any evaluation I may have in the future. I don't know much about the adoption process though.

Timetogiveup's picture

Submitted by Timetogiveup on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 8:13pm

I have...I take Xanax. I have an ex that use to beat the crap out of me, I dealt with that without meds. I ran an accounting department for a family owned business for years, on top of never have enough cash flow we did some things that could have landed a few people in jail....I dealt without meds. My family (mom, dad and the dog) all passed away within 3 month of each other.....I dealt with that without meds. I dealt with his crazy ex wife trying to kill me....I got a firearm to deal with that one. HER kid....f'ing pushed me over the deep edge. I resorted to Xanax about the same time he started playing with himself ALL the freaking time and DH kinda blew it off. The freaking kid is gonna kill me.

Sfifer1's picture

Submitted by Sfifer1 on Sat, 05/19/2018 - 10:41pm

Leave

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 8:18pm

Kick him in the ass for that statement. I have been on anti-depressants years ago when my son died and then again when my husband died. I was off of them for about 5 or 6 years when I needed to take them again after moving in here. I did for about 6 months and now am better. I do have Xanax that I take only for anxiety if needed. A prescription lasts me a year now. It did get better for me after SD moved out about the same time I gave up and disengaged.

I resent that they caused me to need them again. I dealt with a lot in my past that caused me to need the meds. I was great and then met a nice guy with some screwed up kids and a BM from hell.

Tell your DH if Ativan is all you need, you are doing great. Most of us end up on anti-depressants. Someone has to be taking all the meds. It is a huge industry. Can't blame it all on the stress of blended families. But, I bet a good portion is.

ownpersonalopinion1's picture

Submitted by ownpersonalopinion1 on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 8:25pm

I was a divorced mom for over 20 years and raised my 2 kids by myself. Both turned out good college education people with good jobs.

I remarried after 20 years to a man with two daughters that never had to do ANYTHING. High school drop outs, won't work, babies with daddies unknown and I could go on and on.

I wasn't married to him two weeks before I was on blood pressure pills, Lexapo, changed to an unlisted phone number and contacted a lawyer for a divorce all because my oldest step daughter. I only took vitamins until I met my pos stepdaughters. But...I didn't end of getting a divorce. Things got better but we still have trouble ever now and then.

I'm still on blood pressure pills and a lower dose of Lexapro. Sad huh..

jenstep's picture

Submitted by jenstep on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 9:01pm

I have never taken an anti-anxiety pill in my life and I'm 40. I don't put up with any crap and I've got my shit together more than anyone I know. I'm very independent and don't need help for anything. My exH cheated on me - whatever. My skids BM has made threats on our life - okay, let's make an escape plan. My beloved mother is suffering from alzheimer's - sucks but let's make these days great. I don't need pharmaceuticals to survive. UNTIL NOW. I have an appointment Thursday to talk to my doctor about ativan and xanax. One can only take so much. And I'm just thankful that there may be some relief for when I'm at the end of my rope. Our difference is that I have a wonderful DH and my skids aren't too bad and I still find myself unable to cope these days. I can't imagine what your situation is like. If there is no hope for change then how long can you sustain this?

buttercookie's picture

Submitted by buttercookie on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 9:26pm

I was put on Lexapro for a very short time while SS was here his last time. I had to go off of it due to the side affects and SS left at the same time. I refuse to have to be medicated to have someone live in my house where I pay the bills.

unbelieveable's picture

Submitted by unbelieveable on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 9:39pm

My hand is raised...it's amazing what this has done to me but yet - I am still doing it. No matter how many times I say I quit...I just keep going and keep taking the pills - the pills I did't need 3 1/2 years ago

ddakan's picture

Submitted by ddakan on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 9:52pm

I've had 2 mental breakdowns that I was hospitalized for and many that were not. The stress of having 7 combined children, raunchy exes, no money for bills, all combined sent me over the edge.

The dr. said it was usually the healthy one, the one who keeps it all running that ended up in treatment. I wish I could say I had a healthy brain, but after all this stress, I don't.

I take it day to day and enjoy the peaceful times. My last skid is turning 18 on 6/17/11!!!!

Timetogiveup's picture

Submitted by Timetogiveup on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 11:47pm

Are you counting the days?

Stink will be 18 in 371 days. I fear nothing will change.

MaGoose2010's picture

Submitted by MaGoose2010 on Tue, 01/04/2011 - 7:08am

I have been on anti-depressants my entire adult life. First husband left me when I was 4 months pregnant with my son. It was an extremely abusive relationship. I was a single mom for years until I met hubby #2. He betrayed me with other women, drank too much and I left him. Now I am in a step situation which has been a more than rocky ride for the last 4 years. I take Wellbutrin XL 300mg and now the doc has added Zoloft because the step situation is getting progressively worse. If I didn't have the tabs I would be in a mental institution now. I tried to stop but my psychiatrist said that I will never be able to due to all the traumatic events I have already had in my life. Without tabs, the next would land me in the looney bin. So despite the fact that it sucks taking tabs...I think if it helps you keep your sanity...then go for it! I am a very sad, pathetic person without them.
MG

effigy's picture

Submitted by effigy on Tue, 01/04/2011 - 8:42am

Wow, I can't believe how many of us are in the same boat. I guess there's some comfort in that.

Thanks for all of the replies!