Stuck between a Rock and a hard place, no clue what to do.
So I havn't posted anything since I joined, mostly read what others are going through, that are much like myself, and read the comments. However I find myself stuck. I'm not legally a "step-parent". Mostly beause my BF and i aren't married. When I meet my BF he was living with his parents still (both of us in our late 20's) and I moved in with him for about a year. When I noticed how disfuction his household was. My BF has no say in how he disaplines his daughter, she has NO respect for him or adults, or anyone else's things. After a year he and I decited to get our own apartment together, I though this would help him, me, and her kind of grow as a family, and maybe having a real mother figure around, because at the time her mother was MIA for 2 years, some things would change for the better. However this isn't so. My SD spends more time at her grandparents hour or her aunts then she does at home, when on school nights, when we both agreed that was a BIG no no. When she IS home she is just a brat. I know if she was my child none of this would be going down, however because she isn't my child I have very limited range on what I can do or say to her. Mostly because that would cause me and her father to argue, and one thing I told him, WAY before I meet her was that I would NEVER fight about her, and if it ever came to that, I would excuse myself. WE are supose to work as a TEAM. However mostly I feel myself just letting go of things that upset me for the sake of not fighting.
I love him and her very much, and its at the point where I just can't dissapper, because she doesn't need people in and out of her life. But I'm going numb. I also a :"stay-a-home" parent; because I drive both UBER, and LYFT; so when he's not home I can be home for her, but its been a month and a half and she's spent the night maybe 4 nights; this wasn't the way I was raised, and its not how I want to be raised. Any advise? Should I just let him take care of HIS kid and just back off untill needed? Or should I put my foot down and just let the fight happen?