Financial and responsibity rights
I became a stepfather in 2015 and all seem pretty good in the beginning. Obviously there were some disagreements or clash of opinions but overall it seemed minimal and manageable. Over the years though it seems it has gone to the point where my opinion and how things affect me financially and responsibility wise are less and less important. It seems that my partner makes decisions that can or do affect me without asking me if it's ok.
She allows many teenage kids and/or parties in the house and allows them to do things like play beer pong....even though it has previously damaged some of the things in our house. And in many of these cases it even involves paying for food etc for them. As well at times it has affecting me noise wise and responsibility wise as someone has to make sure these kids don't get too carried away.Neither her nor the kids ever ask me if it's ok and we end up fighting about it now as initial conversations about it get nowhere.
She buys extra things not needed when we can't afford them just because the kids want them. Whether it be a fourth hoodie....several pairs of shoes and boots...to all the makeup they want no matter how expensive it is. I could go on and on. I'm the primary income earner and these things always end up affecting me financially. I don't mind giving up some things for the kids as I've always felt them important but when all' these things not only lead me with not being able to afford anything for me but also ending up in a hole and sometimes maxing out credit cards and line of credit...it's too much. What I get all the time is...well it's only $50....only $10....only $100...only $2. It's not necessarily the buys themselves that frustrate me so much but how often and where it puts us financially that makes me angry. And then when it seems she does cut down on purchases....she ends up paying for something bigger and saying it should be ok cuz she hasn't been spending as much. That to me defeats the purpose as then she is still spending pretty much the same in the end on things we DON'T NEED.
I've got to the point of fighting with her on these situations and many more like it as well and all I get is being told I'm a control freak or a narcissist. I feel I'm only trying to get these things under control so that we not so far in the hole or so that how things affect me can become at least somewhat more important again.
I'm at my wits end and can no longer handle it! As the primary income earner and original owner of the house...I feel I need to figure out some way to deal with these situations by either getting us all back together as a more cohesive family or without losing everything like I did when I left the exwife.