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SS13 lies

Dragonfly87's picture

Good morning everyone, 

SS13 lies. About everything. It makes me worried.

SS has made some accusations against DH and then backtracks the next day. The problem is- it's an outright lie and/or an attempt to promote some victim narrative to BM so that she'll coddle him some more. 

EX- SS has accused DH (to his face) of choking him. "Remember on this day XYZ you choked me!" Well I was there that day and DH never laid a finger on him (and never has). DH went to bed with tears in his eyes wondering why he would say something like that? Why would he lie? The next morning DH tries to talk with SS about the whole thing... SS says, "oh I never said you choked me. I just said..." (trying to mimimize his remarks). Now I never get involved- but I got involved. I called SS out and he left the house to get on the bus without saying a word. SS was trying ot gaslight DH and I wasn't having it. He's also to prideful and stubborn to apologize. I feel like that whole incident still isn't resolved... DH definitely could have called SS out- but I think he was honestly just stunned by the whole thing he didn't have words.

He will lie for attention, to manipulate, to get what he wants, etc. DH and I have caught him lying to BM about us (little things) and she's too stupid to inquire without jumping to conclusions- "you picked him up late!" (Not true) feeding further into the split. 

My concern is this- if SS will lie about DH, he will have no problem lying about me. If he lies to his mom or her family- they would have a field day trying to attack me. DH understands this is a real possibility (knowing his son and BM/her family) and promised if that ever happened he would have my back... however- I just don't feel safe living with someone who is so quick (and comfortable) lying.

I have disengaged from him- but when he antagonizes DD2 or is acting like an over the top attention seeking obnoxious ass- I call him out every time. I think it's only a matter of time that he lies about me- as I hold him accountable and he hates it.


tog redux's picture

My SS was a liar at 13 and he's a liar at 21. He lied to a judge's face with no problem at all. This is a behavior that generally does not get better, especially when it gets him goodies from BM. I'd suggest that you should never be alone with him. 

LittleCloud9's picture

Get cameras for your home if he is going to be around. Sadly many here have had to do this. But you have your own child and his lies, if they were to get to family services or something, could cause you a lot of grief. Protect yourselves, and always call him out. 13 is really an awful age with boys, I hated it

Dragonfly87's picture

Thank you for your replies. We have a camera in our bedroom facing my jewelry box. If he's ever home alone- the camera is on. 

There are times when I'm home solo with him but only for an hour or so. I don't like it- but it's the reality of our work schedules. 

Today SS lied that someone was intentionally putting dirt in his room. No, when you stomp into your room with dirty shoes you get dirt in your room!! There's no accountability.

tog redux's picture

Does BM buy his victim stories? Does it feed into what she wants to hear anyway, that he likes her better than DH and wants to live with her? My lying SS ended up completely alienated from us from ages 15-18, and his lying was part of how he learned to deal with BM's pressure to take her side in court.

Dragonfly87's picture

Yes, BM buys his victim stories. She's tried to call DH and I out on certain things only to have proof that SS is completely full of shit...

Yes he wants to spend more time with her which, if I'm being totally honest is 10000% fine by me.

I just don't want his drama impacting my life any more than it already has. He gives her life purpose... two peas in a pod they were made for eachother.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

My SO's 11-year-old has already made false allegations at school that SO abused him. He was in the 4th grade and i knew it wasn't true because i was there. SO yelled at him and that was it. The DCFS worker thankfully believed SO and nothing came of it, but i avoid being alone with the boy ever since.

His BM has also made false allegations and had an ex-parte done based on lies. The judge saw through that as well but i don't trust either of them. The other night after dinner, SO went home and told SS he could stay at my house while i showered and ride back with me. This happened while i was in the shower. As soon as i got out i drove SS home, then went back to my house and finished what i was doing. I will not put myself in a position to be in front of DCFS or a judge. SO doesn't seem to take it as seriously as i do, but when you start involving the law, i will not participate. Protect yourself. Some of these guys don't seem to have the sense to protect themselves or you. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I did call him out. I drove SS back as soon as i realized  what he did and told him to never do that to me again.

ETA i don't think SO grasped how serious i am about not putting myself in that type of situation. SO is pretty reckless IMO. Back before the ex parte, i saw it coming and told him he needed to do some things differently, but he seemed to think everything would be fine. It wasn't. I won't risk being involved with CPS, the police, or the courts over their dysfunction.

ETA and neither should the OP in this situation. A kid like that will absolutely lie and throw you under the bus if that's what their other parent is telling them to do.