And the Award goes to....
SS surprised us the other day with a letter from the principal.
Dear Parents of SS,
It is with great pleasure that we invite you to a special awards ceremony to take place on XXX date. Your child – SS – is an awards recipient. Please find enclosed two invitations. Each invitation is good for one person. Hope to see you then!
Signed
Principal
Needless to say we were ecstatic. Looks like SS finally turned himself around this semester and his effort has not gone unnoticed.
I emailed the principal if it would be possible to get two more invitations to this event. I explained that SS has a mother, father, stepfather and stepmother and it would mean a lot to all of us if we could all attend. The principal emailed me back immediately stating that there was no problem.
“Just have SS come to my office and I will gladly give him two extra invitations.”
So yesterday I told SS to report to the principal’s office to get these two extra invitations.
That’s when SS dropped the bomb on us.
“I don’t wann go.” He says.
DW and I asked him why.
“I just don’t wanna go.” Is all SS would say. “I don’t want this award.”
DW and I asked him again why.
“Why don’t you want this award?” We asked. “You earned it!”
“I don’t want an award and you can’t make me accept it.”
‘WTF!?!?’ I am thinking ‘Are you Marlon Brando all of a sudden!?’
I told him that I think it is a shame that he doesn’t want this award, because being recognized for good performance doesn’t happen all that often. I also told him that it is equally shameful to deny BOTH his parents the opportunity to be proud of him.
SS started crying.
That’s when I left him alone. I don’t know what is wrong with this kid and DW is asking me if we should force SS to go.
- Drac0's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Something is going on with
Something is going on with this kid. Did this start after you mentioned the extra tickets? Is there tension with the BD and SM? Maybe he's dreading having all of you in the same room? Maybe he's naturally shy and doesn't want the attention. It's very strange behavior and your wife should be trying to get to the bottom of it.
It did start after we
It did start after we mentioned the extra tickets, but I don't think tension with his Dad and SM is the root cause here. At least I hope not. We've all been in the same room before and SS was fine with it.
Hmmm..It could be that he
Hmmm..It could be that he does not think he earned the award...or he does not like the attention...or he does not want you all in the same room at the same time...
Did DW ask him?
And I would not force him to go.
Something is up. I guarantee
Something is up. I guarantee it is that he doesn't want to accept for fear of being made fun of. Used to happen to my kid, but once we started having the conversations that being a geek was great and he should be proud of his accomplishments since those are the kids running the world now. He only hangs with the smart kids and that has made him embrace these kind of things...Now he is at a college filled with geeks and loving it...
Force him to go...It is good for him to be recognized, it makes them want to do better more often.
Yes, yes, yes, and yes. I've
Yes, yes, yes, and yes.
I've thought of all those things. I tried talking to him this morning to see if I could get more out of him, but all I could get was a defiant "I don't wanna go!".
SMH.
What is shocking to me is how adamant SS is about it so there is something about all this that is bothering him. I'm sure we will get to the bottom of this later.
I'd guess that he has
I'd guess that he has something on his mind and he may be holding it in out of not wanting to hurt someone's feelings. I had step parents too and I wouldn't want everyone there and for a couple of different reasons. First, my self esteem was low and having 4 adults there at once to cheer me on would be overwhelming. Secondly, its intimidating receiving positive attention when being use to criticism. Another thing, he could be fearing that his expectations will raise now that there is acknowledgment that he did it. I don't know anything about his other parent and step parent but could he be playing them for stupid more then he does with you guys? I flunked at times on purpose to prevent situations where the parents would hear positive feed back from my teachers and then I would hear the "see I told you that your smart and you could do it" bc that would mean more responsibility in my eyes. Your SS might be trying to stay one step ahead of you adults.
I say all that not trying to steal your post but its what my brother taught me. Should it be the case, I doubt that he would confess to his mom but you might be able to find out. The other thing too, he could simply be afraid of being laughed at having so many parents in the picture. Or maybe he lied to some of his friends and said that his dad isn't even in his life or something like that?
Thanks..you can always put it
Thanks..you can always put it into better words then I do!
Makes me think of this line
Makes me think of this line from "Weekend at Bernies."
Richard Parker: [at Bernie's beach house] "Now you see, Larry? All of this could be yours if you set your goals and work hard."
Larry Wilson: "My old man worked hard all his life. All they did was give him more work."
I agree! We deal with a BM
I agree!
We deal with a BM that left school after 8th grade and was "homeschooled" through HS. No diploma or GED. She doesn't think school is important and digs at the skids when they do well for being nerds. FFS.....perhaps she should embrace the nerds and want more for the skids?? Oh no, buddy BFF MOTY couldn't think that way.
DH and I encourage the skids to do well in school. DH has signed up for the portal at the schools and checks the skids grades weekly and will call to lay into them when they are slacking. Our take is school is their job now, and they better do a good job or their futures will not be what they want. Tough to do when BM doesn't share the same thought process.
SS loves his father so I
SS loves his father so I don't see why he would loathe to see him there.
SS did have a big formal ceremony for graduating elementary school. Dress up, awards, pictures, etc. The whole 9 yards, and SS was totally fine with it. So it would be strange if SS suddenly developed "stage fright".
Yes, I do understand SS
Yes, I do understand SS better than Donkeykong, which is why I am rather embarrassed to admit that today's events kind of threw me for a loop. Getting positive attention usually means rewards and that is a good thing. I even asked straight out "What if the reward was a video game? Or a thousand dollars? Would you go then?" I was trying to put this event in some perspective. SS was still being stubborn and said no.
Like I said in the comment above, I *want* SS to go but I don't see myself in a position to force him to go which is why I am searching for a means to convince him. This morning I was confronted with a brick wall. No matter what I was saying, he was not going to listen, so I just let him be.
I hated events like that. In
I hated events like that. In my high school, we had lots of awards that were given at the end of the year for each subject and in general. I would always get one, but I hated it. I didn't like the attention because I felt like it was too much - I didn't believe that you needed to get an award for doing good in school by the school itself.
I'd just talk to him.
Tell him that if he has a valid reason not to go, he can not go. And in order to decide is it valid, you need to know what it is.
If it IS a valid reason, of course I'd keep my word and not make him go.
If it isn't, I'd try to get him to go.
But in the end, no, I wouldn't force him. It can't lead to anything good. He could eventually drop the grades to avoid the events or try something else - though nothing good, I'm sure.
I don't think it is an award
I don't think it is an award for mediocrity (i.e. Award for best attendance).
SS is not giving us a reason why he doesn't want to go - just that he doesn't want to go and he is arguing like a 5-year-old.
SS: "I don't wanna go!"
Me: "Why?"
SS: "Because I don't wanna!"
He was pretty adamant about it too. Seriously, if we told him that he had no choice he would probably try to hold his breath until he passes out.
i like this reverse way of
i like this reverse way of handling it!
"you are going. unless you have a valid reason for not- and 'i dont want to' is not accepted. so- do you have a valid reason?"
and no, i wouldnt force him either. but if he does not go, i would ask the school if DW could pick up the award from their office.
Is there any chance he didn't
Is there any chance he didn't really earn the award and he's afraid if he goes to accept it the truth will be found out?
This is what I was
This is what I was thinking.
I can remember cheating on a spelling test and ending up getting the only 100% in the class (Only cheated on one word, kettle. I always spelled it kettil when I was younger). When my teacher wanted to give me a candy for it, I refused the candy and pulled her aside after class and told her I had cheated. (I'd written "Kettle" on my wrist)
She told me she was going to take half a point off my test because I came to her and was honest. However, if I ever cheated again, she'd give me a 0 in both assignments and call me out in front of the class.
Could he be stressed out
Could he be stressed out because of the tensions between the two sets of parents? I know I was freaked out at the idea of both parents in the same state for my wedding, much less the same room. Not they were anything less than perfectly well-behaved for my day, but just the idea of them together made me seriously consider eloping to avoid the whole sticky question (and I was 27 at the time!).