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C-19 Crisis 2020: I'm so over this already

DPW's picture

I rarely blog since I never have time but read most days. I figured I might take a stab at blogging again since I do like writing and now I'm home, with SO, who is driving me absolutely bonkers right now. We are snipping at each other constantly and it's only day three of being home from work and also shutting down our business. 

SO and I have not been doing well for the last year or so... and I mean, on our way to break up. It's more of a relationship of convenience now as we attempt to build the business and sell it. Interestingly enough, we have been working together well to prepare for the pandemic, but I can't deny that our pre-pandemic problems are all still here, bubbling at the surface. 

Some of you may recall me reaching out last year about SO. He turned back to Christianity and stopped sleeping in our bed, being intimate with me and having sex with me. It has been a rocky year but since C-19, he believes it is now the end of the world, as prophesized in the Bible, based on his interpretations. I, on the other hand, do not believe in God. You get where this is going, I'm sure. SO is very vocal about his beliefs, does not understand how I am unable to believe in what he believes in, and he is essentially harassing me non-stop. I'm over it. Yes, I'm taking this pandemic seriously and yes, there is a possibility that it's the end of the world as we know it, but I'm sorry, I just don't believe in God. I've had my own crises of faith in the past and nothing has led me to God or has led me to wanting to invite him in. I grew up Catholic. I have been exposed for a large majority of my life to Christianity and it is not for me for many reasons, too many to list. How do I navigate this C-19 crisis living in the same apartment as SO???? Ugh. 

Skids are still seven hours away in Toronto and we have asked them to come up to our very small city so that they are safer but they refuse as they are upset with SO as he has pulled away from them because of their opposing beliefs as well. Now he questions why they will not talk to him and I just shake my head and recall countless conversations where I told him he would lose his sons if he didn't reach out neutrally to them instead of constantly forcing his beliefs down their throat. Now here we are and SO is devastated but still has hope that skids will change their mind and come and stay with us. Honestly, for me, that ship has sailed. BM is a nurse in a major Toronto hospital and skids still live with her even though they are in their early 20s. Risk is too high.

My employer has been fantastic considering I work in community mental health with the homeless. My job is considered quasi-essentially but mostly done face-to-face so we were sent home with pay. We can pay our personal bills during all this, however, we have had to close our business and have no funds to pay our bills as winter is already our slow time and we had no additional business funds available due to some major expenses we've had in the last bit. 

How are you all doing during these trying times? Is this pandemic challenging your relationships? Any suggestions on activities to do while we are all hunkering down? We cleaned out our spare bedroom yesterday (think hoarders) and now we are putting all our emergency preparedness stuff together just in case. 

Stay safe!

Comments

hereiam's picture

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship troubles, DPW.

A person can believe whatever they believe, and they can stand up for those beliefs, but they cannot force them onto others or shun everybody who doesn't believe the same. That is not, exactly, the Christian way.

DH and I are still working and are doing okay. We had a little tiff last night, he was frustrated with his employers, as they are overcompensating, making him change how he does things and he's taking it personally (his boss can come off as an ass). I think he is overreacting, so I got the, "I knew you wouldn't understand," bullshit. I think too much of his self worth is wrapped up in his job. He's much calmer, today.

DH is convinced that we will not get the virus but I want to be cautious, as he has some underlying issues.

My dad has studied the Bible backwards, forwards, and upside down and he does NOT believe this is the end. Not yet, anyway.

If I do end up not being able to go to work, I suppose I have a lot of organizing and purging I could do. Or, I have tons of canvases that need to be painted! I used to write, but haven't for quite awhile. There's probably a lot of reading I could catch up on, also. I have a home gym in my basement that I haven't stepped into for awhile.

Apparently, there's plenty I could be doing, other than sitting and playing on the computer!

Stay safe and try to stay sane!

 

 

DPW's picture

Thanks hereiam!

I found my art supplies while cleaning out our spare room and might also take some time to dabble again. I have a painting of my two deceased dogs that I never finished and it's been bugging me. 

I suspect there will be a lot of fights between couples posted on ST in the coming months - lol. It's all so surreal.

The computer is always so tempting! 

somethingwicked's picture

I'm so sorry.

I feel for you ~ you have been gravitating toward ending this but now stuck in close proximity with SO b/c of  this pandemic.

Stressful enough worrying about finances, supplies and safety in case this pandemic lasts longer than expected but having to deal with this guys anticipation of End Of Times would really put me off .The harrassment you mention..wtf is that? He should stfu and keep his proselytizing to himself. Maybe you shoud tell him to stay in one part of the house and you another  until this pandemic ends. Get yourself some ear buds and plug into your music . 

If he can't or won't leave you alone  and is preaching his ideology at you 24/7 tell him he 's going to have to go stay elsewhere maybe with some of his like minded friends rapturously counting down to the Apocalypse.They can have a party or something.

 

I get along and love my DH and already am thinking of going to live in our mobile coach.Me or him.LOL.Run an extension cord to the garage for power. See him  at mealtimes.

Wink

I had a friend whose husband became a devout  zealot of a religious faith and every thing he did and said referenced some aspect of his new found faith .It was 24/7 adoration of his god to the exclusion of everyone and everything else. The family became  estranged with wife and kids  ,in time, driven away because this guy was no longer living in reality but trying to emulate a "lily of the field " or something. God was not going to pay the mortgage or buy groceries .So she divorced and he found a new SO  who shared his religious obsession. Exwife and kids did well after the initial shock of trying to understand the seemingly rapid deterioration of their former lives.

 

One day at a time,sometimes it comes down to one moment at a time. 

Hang in there .You are not alone in this.

DPW's picture

Thank you. That's the problem - we have nowhere to go as we know no one in our new city. I wish I could send him to his mother's!

I was actually looking at truck campers online this week. I thought it would be nice to purchase a used one and take off in the bush by myself until this all subsides.

Yes, I won't live long this way.... there's a plan. Thankfully. 

StepUltimate's picture

I'm able to work from home and already having a laptop, I can be very efficient & productive, and videoconference and IM collaboration make it easy for me engage with my technical team and any outside firms and/or contractors we're collaborating with. Very grateful. Hubby's job is part of our critical infrastructure so his schedule is unchanged. Very, very grateful we are not experiencing any loss of income. 

I am solid in my beliefs and faith, but understand a lot of OP's situation. Acting nice but the unresolved problems & pain always there, simmering under the surface, waiting for my DH's constant Love-Bombing to crack so his mantrum-throwing Inner Child can emerge and once again blame me for alllllllll his problems, which include:

  • Sportscar payments & credit card payments from his financial insanity
  • Medical debt from his two recent ER visits
  • Owing taxes to both State & Feds
  • Skids birthdays alllll coming up

One thing I can thank my StepTalk peeps for is your advice to separate funds, which I did a year and a half ago when the sportscar obsession was ramping up. Combined with his resentment at me for making DH keep his word & kick SSthen18 out in late Summer 2018, my DH is in debt (as many here predicted) as he is "managing" his finances very poorly. 

So yes, the big D is on my mind. It seems inevitable in my mind yet my heart tries to "keep the hope alive" because I dread further conflict. I can't even blog about it because I can envision this international ST comminity in literal choir robes harmonizing, "Diiiiiii-vorrrrrce his *ss" and agree with your assessment. So good times, quarrantined with my DH and our problems.

theoldredhen's picture

At the risk of creeping off topic, I still recall, with deep appreciation, your comment from many moons ago: 

 ~ I asked him if I should put my wallet in our bed, and go sleep in the guest room?~

It was so illustrative of the financial pressures suffered by those SMs who support irresponsible DHs/ steps that I never forgot it. Particularly since the same brand of selfishness destroyed the marriage of my step-niece (a high earner) and her first, musician husband. 

Her ex had already created debt with his spending yet dared to squander the 'new home' fund on an antique violin. He's now playing that instrument in a studio apartment while my niece, remarried to an adoring, solvent, business owner, resides in a mini-mansion. 

 

DPW's picture

Thanks. I suspect the D word is going to be flying out of people's mouths a lot during this to-be-increasingly stressful time. I'm with you!

tog redux's picture

OP, why can't you move out? Being a religious fanatic would be a deal breaker for me. And this is likely to continue for at least 2 months if not much more.

DH and I are both introverts who spend most of our weekends doing our own thing at home, but separately. Of course we do stuff together as well, but we have no trouble staying out of each other's way.  He is working at home and I will be mostly working at home, but I think we will be fine.

DPW's picture

We're broke - we invested everything into our business a few years back. I have tried many different ways to tell him that his "messages" are irritating and not wanted. I'm stressed out enough. Even if he was right (let's take a long shot here), why talk about it constantly? Why not just try to make the most of everyday? We think so differently!

Iamwoman's picture

Ugh. I can't stand "Christians" like your SO. 
The best Christians simply act as good people and role models and answer "yes," when asked if they are Christian. Shoving it down the throats of others and alienating friends and family is NOT being a good Christian!

He should be kind and accepting of people.

Also, he is wrong about this being the apocalypse. There are a certain number of events that must happen in order prior to the disease part, and not all of those vents have happened yet.

If he is going to go around "preaching," he needs to get his facts straight and truly understand revelations.

What he is doing is called false prophecy, and if he doesn't stop it right now, he will wind up in hell when he dies. The Bible is crystal clear on false prophets...

DPW's picture

Oh, trust me... he 100% believes he is right and everyone else is wrong. He can't see beyond his own nose. 

I've challenged him, like many others have, on his interpretation of the Bible and "messages" he has received. He absolutely refuses to listen. He is the most stubborn person on a regular topic, but talk about the Bible and he would die for his beliefs... seriously.

It's exhausting. 

theoldredhen's picture

Spoken like an educated Christian, Iamwoman! Thanks for the clarity. 

advice.only2's picture

Sorry to read this, I always have hope that the ones who stop posting on here got it all together and we're really happy with their SO.  
 

All four of us are hunkered down.  I've got a horrible cold so I am just trying to make it day by day and DH keeps going to the store to buy stuff, I finally had to tell him to stop.   

DPW's picture

I always hope the same, funny... I've seen so many different names and stories throughout the years and am so curious to hear about the older posters with updates on their lives. 

Hope you are resting lots! I had to tell SO the same. Enough is enough. We have enough stuff for this. 

ChzyBob20's picture

Me and DH are doing okay. I'm worried relentlessly about everything. I'm literally trembling. Our marriage is okay. DH is helpful and doing for us.

Me? I'm just hiding where they can't see me and cradle my head in my hands and quietly cry and have a nervous breakdown.

I'm usually stoic but this is too much even for me.

OP: your SO is insufferable.

DPW's picture

Time to ask for a Xanax script from your doctor!

Very stressing times, for sure. My cousin in British Columbia is having an extremely hard time right now as she has kids and people around her are not taking it seriously. I told her to come and move in with me across the country!