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Finally leaving DH

DoubleUteeEFF's picture

I've been asked here before why do I stay.
Embarrassed, (in the past) I have deleted previous blogs of me complaining about him. I kinda wish I hadn't now so I could have a good memory of our past incidents.

I kept looking for reasons to stay. No matter how insignificant or petty it was, if it was a reason, it took it and ran. (Or stayed in this case).

The abuse. The shitty attitude. The way I've been treated. I'm finally over it. I'm finally at a place where I can say that I'm done and just walk away. Our son is now 16mo and this past Thursday we got into an argument that turned abusive. Not crazy abusive, but still. It was the first time my son was old enough to understand something was wrong. Our son started to freak out and hysterical cry. Running to hide. I pushed Dh off of me and out of the way and ran for my son. I picked him up and walked out the door.
Never again will I allow my son to be around that.
I feel like Dh and I bring out the worst in eachother. We just don't like eachother. We are opposites. He denies this but it's true. He's not violent but he's violent with me. There's just no love. He says he loves me but his actions speak otherwise. He's all talk. Even now, he's yet to apologize for his actions. He has said he doesn't want us to end and wants us to work on our relationship but he hasn't apologized. He thinks he's a victim. He's always the victim. He never sees his faults. He's never real with me. He's not my person and I feel like I'm missing my opportunity to be truly happy and find true love.
So I'm 100% done with him. I don't care about opinions anymore. I don't care about proving anything to anyone, especially BM. I don't care!

I'm a SAHM so I have no income. We have a joint account but I'm sure it'll be cleaned out by tomorrow. I'm currently struggling with the "what's next?" Question. I can go live with my aunt but she lives states away. Dh has already stressed that if I move out of state, there will be problems.
(I assume legal wise?). He wasn't specific. I don't want to leave state anyway. My family is here. It's just my family isn't in a position to help me. I don't want my son that far from his father. I keep getting told to do what I have/need to do but it's just so hard and confusing. Currently at a friends house who is out of town for 3 weeks. I have her place to myself for now. It's conveniently in the same neighborhood. I've allowed Dh to take our son on his day off for a couple of hours and that's been going well. My head has just been spinning.
I'm sad I'm starting over and I'm really afraid.


DPW's picture

I'd contact the women's shelter and ask them for assistance... they will help you get apply for aid, put you up if needed, etc.

Amcc13's picture

Horrific situation but you did the right thing to get you and your son out of there
The above poster is correct- a women's shelter will be able to help you start to put your life back together and should have information of jobs childcare and lawyers which are all useful info for you right now
How long will you be able to stay with your friend after she comes back ? Will she be able to allow you to stay there until you can get back on feet?

DoubleUteeEFF's picture

She has said that I can stay. I would just feel like I'm invading so I haven't taken her up on it. She has two toddlers.

Gimlet's picture

Agreed, that was very kind of you to take the time to post in that much detail and share your story sue. I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

Stepped in what momma's picture

5. Abuse shelters are not ratholes, so you don't have to worry about that. They are clean, and the residents are assigned chores each day to keep them clean. You don't have to be ashamed to be there, and they treat women with respect.

^^^^^ THIS^^^^^ many woman think shelters are crappy places, you would be surprised how nice they are and they have wonderful programs designed to get you back on your feet. They will usually help you with your resume, getting a job, etc..

Disneyfan's picture

The shelters here in Brooklyn for abused women and their children look regular apartment buildings. You can't see the security desk from the sidewalk or the stoop. Most people have no idea which buildings are shelters, private homes, leased apartments or condos.
Each family has their own apartment in the building so there's no sharing bathrooms or kitchens.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Do you have an ATM card? Use it to get as much cash out as you can - you deserve half of what is in there.

Consider making a police report. This will start a paper trail in case something bad happens later. If you feel like he may try and start something physical again you might want to get a restraining order. You can get one that will allow some sort of contact so he can see his son.

Once you get your immediate needs taken care of, visit some divorce attorneys and start figuring out your strategy for moving forward. Most will offer some sort of a free consultation.

Like Fruit said, you will be ok - you are stronger than you think you are.

Disneyfan's picture

Do you have a debit card? If so, go to the ATM tonight and pull out as much cash as you can. If there's a cap, call the number on back of the card, tell them you have an emergency and ask them to increase it.

Tomorrow go to a shelter. Your husband was abusive to you. They will find a spot for you and your son for now and put you at the top of the list for housing vouchers. They will also help you find a job and/or enroll in college, day care, apply for foodstamps, WIC....

Do not be ashamed or afraid to take advantage of the programs that are in place to help.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

when I was 20 years old I got a roommate. She was a single mom of a baby who had just gotten divorced. Sometimes you can find a room to rent in someone's house or a mother in law suite if you can get your hands on some of the money in the joint account.