Finally leaving DH
I've been asked here before why do I stay.
Embarrassed, (in the past) I have deleted previous blogs of me complaining about him. I kinda wish I hadn't now so I could have a good memory of our past incidents.
I kept looking for reasons to stay. No matter how insignificant or petty it was, if it was a reason, it took it and ran. (Or stayed in this case).
The abuse. The shitty attitude. The way I've been treated. I'm finally over it. I'm finally at a place where I can say that I'm done and just walk away. Our son is now 16mo and this past Thursday we got into an argument that turned abusive. Not crazy abusive, but still. It was the first time my son was old enough to understand something was wrong. Our son started to freak out and hysterical cry. Running to hide. I pushed Dh off of me and out of the way and ran for my son. I picked him up and walked out the door.
Never again will I allow my son to be around that.
I feel like Dh and I bring out the worst in eachother. We just don't like eachother. We are opposites. He denies this but it's true. He's not violent but he's violent with me. There's just no love. He says he loves me but his actions speak otherwise. He's all talk. Even now, he's yet to apologize for his actions. He has said he doesn't want us to end and wants us to work on our relationship but he hasn't apologized. He thinks he's a victim. He's always the victim. He never sees his faults. He's never real with me. He's not my person and I feel like I'm missing my opportunity to be truly happy and find true love.
So I'm 100% done with him. I don't care about opinions anymore. I don't care about proving anything to anyone, especially BM. I don't care!
I'm a SAHM so I have no income. We have a joint account but I'm sure it'll be cleaned out by tomorrow. I'm currently struggling with the "what's next?" Question. I can go live with my aunt but she lives states away. Dh has already stressed that if I move out of state, there will be problems.
(I assume legal wise?). He wasn't specific. I don't want to leave state anyway. My family is here. It's just my family isn't in a position to help me. I don't want my son that far from his father. I keep getting told to do what I have/need to do but it's just so hard and confusing. Currently at a friends house who is out of town for 3 weeks. I have her place to myself for now. It's conveniently in the same neighborhood. I've allowed Dh to take our son on his day off for a couple of hours and that's been going well. My head has just been spinning.
I'm sad I'm starting over and I'm really afraid.