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Money hungry moms get it all

Doorsy's picture

I won't talk about another post because it isn't allowed but I think she is going to get her cake and eat it to. The money hungry women always seem to win because she blessed the earth with a child. Don't get me wrong I am not bashing stepkids or saying they shouldn't be here or loved. My dd is a stepkid. It's just that the judge who ordered 50% custody for dh and bm also ordered dh to pay child support, half of daycare, medical/dental, dh is required to pay for braces, he has to pay for half of her school activities, half her after school activities, co pays if he takes her and a few more other things I can't think of now. Dh made more money than bm, a lot more but through job losses, not his fault, and bills piling up we are in bankruptcy. We are paying it all back with zero extra cash but dh still has to fork out money to bm because she refused to get a good job or an education and he did. So I believe money hungry women win. This week dh had to finish paying bm back for the JROTC trip her class went on in December. How nice she got to go to a parade half way across the country and we will be eating Ramen and pb&j for the next 2 weeks. I still believe sd took dds money from her trip and yes, I saw dh had the money. He loves dd and he wanted this for her. The step kids and their greedy mothers always win.


thinkthrice's picture

Yep. I never got any CS but somehow my children grew up to be productive adults...which is far more than I can say for the spawn of gold diggers.

ndc's picture

With 50/50 custody, I don't see why courts can't adjust CS before it throws a family into bankruptcy. I think the family courts in a lot of areas are broken.

Doorsy's picture

They refused to even consider it. Dh needs a lawyer to take it back to court but we can't afford it. We are already an unexpected expense away from hitting up a food bank.

ndc's picture

Something is very wrong with this picture. Like I said, family courts in some areas are just broken. I hope things look up for you soon.

Sweet T's picture

It always blows my mind that people make money off CS. I get it, but not a lot. I was actually just running the numbers because of several changes that will be occurring, I am making more money but the one child he had that he paid CS is graduating. It ends up being close to the same as I can't say for sure what he makes these days...I figured low. I could request a review but it seems like a waste IMO of the CS worker if nothing really changes.

secret's picture

Well... the bio dad should "separate" from his wife and she should file for CS. She should do it first, so that the new kid only gets the leftovers.

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

THIS ^^^^^^!

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

The family court system is such a scam. Father's are looked upon as nothing but babysitters - this was actually said by a judge to SO. Why did he want his kids 50% of the time? He was only their friend and didn't do any of the real work! Little did this judge know that SO not only worked full time, plus a second job and HE took the kids to everything and everywhere! But no, he is nothing but a toy.

Took years for him to get 50/50 - even though he always had it just not on paper. And he was able to prove HCBM 'sold' him the kids for CS. STILL, years!

CS is a joke. Judge flat out told SO that HIS job was to make sure HCBM and kids never ended up on welfare. That SO could live on the street. Can't image if this judge knew HCBM was ALREADY collecting welfare because CS is not considered income!

Going into court, SO offered FULL CS awarded until skids were in school full time giving HCBM the chance to get an education and find a career. Then asked for a review based on HCBM's earning capacity at that time. NOPE, turned down. Judge actually laughed.

What ended up happening, SO was paying an exorbitant amount in CS, was 100% responsible for all medical and anything out of pocket. ALL activities. He has to pay out 78% of his home equity and same for any assets, all of his 401k and had to pay off one vehicle and sign it over. All this after only 8 years of marriage with 1 of those years separated.

Fast forward 8 years. HCBM still refuses to work. CS was reviewed after he won 50% custody and it went down pennies! PENNIES for shared custody. Its a sham!

I cannot imagine pulling this shit with my ex. I have said to him many times over how LUCKY he is to have me as his children's Mother. NEVER in a million years would I:
1. Allow my kids to think their DAD is nothing but a paycheck.
2. Allow a third party (court system) to decide what is best for MY KIDS. It is ludicrous to me!

I chose to have kids with someone which means he was damn good enough then. Just because he is no longer good enough for me personally doesn't make him any less of a father or have rights to his children. SAME AS ME!

Ugh, don't get me started. I have wanted to take out a billboard and plaster women like this on it all over the country!

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

When I first met SO I never knew that divorce could be so evil. To me it was easy. We figured it out like adults and moved on. I had friends who divorced and it was NOTHING like SO's either.

HIS situation was awful and still is. A constant battle to the death that nobody ever wins. Everything in up for grabs in the game of LIFE according to HCBM.

I swear I am going to develop a new game of LIFE where only HCBM fits in the peg hole of the high end SUV and she gets to go around the board as much as she wants on every spin!

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I don't know if I could play that game... Might start feeling too much like reality. LMAO

That's seriously one of my fears. BM WALKED AWAY from the skids 8 months (almost 9, I just counted, LMAO) ago. Yet when we started meeting with lawyers we got "well she is mom." Would someone tell me what leg ditching the children and refusing to pay for anything and getting pregnant on drugs and living with four males and thirty cats in a three bedroom mobile home puts you on? Golden Uteruses, I swear. We finally hired a good lawyer who really just wants what's best for the skids, thank. Goodness. So that's coming up.

Thank you for being a sane BM, the world needs more of you!!!

Tiger7's picture

I agree with you Dysfunctionally. I also told my ex he's lucky to have me as the BM. I didn't take him to court. He didn't always have money but gave what he could to support them and more importantly, he has always been there for them emotionally. He's a good dad. My son just finished his last class he needed to get his college degree. The bill was $915 which I didn't have. I called my ex to ask him to split it but he paid the whole thing - told me I was the one who always did the most for them. I'm so glad he and I get along like we do. We both realized early on that co-parenting and loving our children was the only way to go.

notasm3's picture

My now ex BFF got enough CS 40 years ago that she did not work for a decade or two. She did not work yet she had a maid. The only reason that I did not consider this a gross injustice was because her ex had stolen hundreds of thousands of dollars from her during their marriage.

This was in Texas back when there was no alimony. Her inheritance was considered community property as she'd deposited it in a joint account. It was legal - but horrible.

But even without these justifications there are still too many spouses who get ridiculous amounts of CS that they do not use appropriately.

oneoffour's picture

Man walks out on wife after 5 yr marriage. Walks out on his step daughter after telling her for years her father is a deadbeat and he has to pay for everything because her dad doesn't pay cs (none court ordered at the time and the mother and father earned about the same yet now SDs dad isn't working due to workplace injury) Man previously wants to adopt SD and presses for it. Man and wife have 4 yr old son. Man gets 'work wife/ Bit On The Side" pregnant and moves in with her in another town 45 mins away.
Man had previously supported his wife's efforts to attend nursing school. Now, not so much.
Wife eventually gets man into court for CS as he hasn't paid a cent for 6 months in any kind of assistance. He does not appear in court nor send an attorney. He gets to pay over $1000 in alimony and CS for the forseeble future. This is never paid in full because he did not represent himself in court and let the judge know he had been fired the month before and was now unemployed.
Man moves his GF and her 2 kids to his town and enrolls the kids in the same school as his SD and DS, so wife sees either her ex or his GF every single day.
Same man claimed married and 9 dependents 2 yrs ago on his taxes. The yr he left. The next yr at tax time wife filed separated.
Man kept all bills going to his name. Utilities took ages to be put in wife's name. Even now she gets late notices for items he had diverted to his new address. He would not give her the gas or electric bill nor access to the online account.
Wife still in school and trying to improve her life. And how do I know? My daughter and STBX son in law. And we have been supporting her for the last 2 years. He had an attorney but probably didn't pay they bill because he isn't talking to DDs attorney anymore.
THIS is what gives BDs a bad name . This shitastic selfish prickish behavior.

Coco72's picture

The hypocrisy of CS and BM in our situation blows my mind.......

BM has 4 children from 3 different men, oldest child is now an adult, but BM never had custody of him. She has primary custody of 2 of the children and 50/50 custody of SS. She receives a substantial amount of CS from her 2 ex's for the 3 children, about what I make working fulltime. The child she did not have custody of, that is now an adult, she was ordered to pay CS, and never did!!!!! She refused to give her ex any money because she was not going to support him and his new family!!! But she has no problem receiving CS.

Explain that one......

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I just don't understand why everyone isn't expected to work? How is it BMs can get away with just not working and getting more CS? Yet BD (and a lot of time the SM) are both having to work full time and sometimes find ways to pick up extra work? Isn't divorce splitting one household into two? So why is one having to support both of them? Shouldn't both households be expected to work hard to support their family? I can see CS if both are truly trying and they just need a little help for the KIDS. But too often on here we see BMs using the CS on themselves and expecting BD to send extra since she's using the money wrong.

Teas83's picture

This is exactly the situation with my husband and his ex. My husband pays $1500/month for SD9, plus 98% of extra curricular activities and child care expenses. BM currently doesn't work. When she did work it was part time at minimum wage. She had no good reason not to work full time once SD was in school, but where was her incentive when she knew CS would cover all of SD's expenses anyway? I really wish the CS laws weren't so one-sided.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I really just think both sides need to work for the good for the kids, no one should be allowed to sit around while the other works 2-3 times as hard to support someone who isn't even using CS how it should be. If we're really worried about the kids, I think EVERYONE would be a lot better off if we held both sides to the same standard. Kids would be better provided for, and I think both sides would get along better as well. They shouldn't be so one sided.