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Off years for holidays

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

How do you guys handle holidays for the years you don't have them?

This year is BM's year for Easter and it's also her weekend so we wont see them for almost 2 weeks around the holiday.

I got them a small toy and stuff animal and plan to give it to them the last pick up we do befor the holiday.


bananaseedo's picture

Ummm, not a major holiday-so nothing, there are no gifts for Easter pffft....and they are already having it w/mom. I sure as hell wont' be buying a skid something, that's on DAD to do- since it'll be WAY past the Holiday when you see them again-no need to celebrate, double up on candy/gifts, before OR after.  You two enjoy the time off.    No wonder most skids are nasty spoiled-the adults are at fault w/the mentality.

My kids never had two Easters or 4ths or Bdays-even in a divorced home.  Or two full CHristmases, etc.....

nengooseus's picture

For holidays, we pretty much don't acknowledge them.  DH will call, but except for Christmas/Birthday, there really aren't gifts.  And even for those, if they're not with us for the holiday, we dial it back from what we would do if they were there.

I know a lot of people feel like we shouldn't consider what happens at BM's as part of the equation when it comes to holidays and gifts, but we do.  I see no reason in this world for those children (who are ungrateful brats, BTW) to get two full on holidays--especially when the reality is that we're financing both when you figure in CS! 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

We don't have this strressor... BM hates responsibility and funding anything for the skids... So if we don't do anything, then they don't get anything. Which is sad tbh...

That being said, During easter last year BM was playing victim at her parent's place... I thought it was actually REALLY strange that they got the girls a second Easter basket. I get having one for Easter morning, but to me it's excessive to give them two. Just one is more than enough! So if they're spending the morning at BM's. She's responsible for that, no obligations to provide some extra thing.

lieutenant_dad's picture

BM is the religious one, so DH gives her the religious-only holidays like Easter. Honestly, neither of the kids ever seemed to care about Easter baskets, so we never got them anything.

Things like birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc, we just work around their schedules. This year, we'll celebrate DH's birthday a few days late. We have the kids on my birthday weekend, but it's also the week before YSS's, so DH and I will celebrate my birthday the week before and YSS's the weekend he is over (which, honestly, I kind of prefer). OSS's birthday will be celebrated the week before, too.

My personal thought is that, if you're switching years, all the little holiday "extras" should happen at that parent's house. If you get Christmas, you play Santa. If she gets Easter, she plays the Easter Bunny. It's just not something to stress over, especially for something the kids likely won't remember. No kid needs two Easter baskets of candy, or two Santa sightings, or two $1 for a single tooth. Being divorced means parents give up some of these things so they don't spoil the crap out of their kids. Having two households shouldn't mean double the sweets, toys, and other extras at every holiday.

Goodluck's picture

Wait until they come to your home after Easter. Easter baskets are fun and they do not have to be over the top. Just a little basket with small amount of candy.

Dont inject yourself on moms visitation by dropping baskets off on Easter Morning.

We waited until after Easter. If they decided they didnt want to come then, we would eat the candy.*biggrin*

Cover1W's picture

We are lucky in that DH / BM don't alternate.  They have set holidays.

DH gets Xmas week and BM gets Thanksgiving week.  BM gets February break, DH gets spring break.  They split summers 50/50.  It's pretty easy.

momof3smof2's picture

I think you have a good plan for your family.

We are big on all of them. Birthdays are HUGE for everyone in our family. Holidays too, even things like Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day. Even for the kids who aren't at home anymore. For St. Patty's Day this weekend, our kids who are off at college will get a delivery of goodies. The kids here will get goodies, and we are having a party.

When we did shared parenting time of my husband's kids (with his ex) or my kids (with my ex), and we didn't have the kids on the actual holiday, we would celebrate it the closest weekend when we had them and it worked for our family. 

I've never bought into the mindset of, "they are celebrating with the other parent, so you can just ignore the holiday". That just doesn't work for my personality or family.