You are here

WOW he can dress himself *enter eyeroll and vent.*

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Well BM just called SO bragging about how the boy whose almost 5 is starting to dress himself and we need to make sure to let him.

Are you kidding me? Has she really been doing it for him all this time?

SO stopped that crap a year ago. Sure we've had to button a button or snap a snap now and then but the way she babies this kid.....

He used sippy cups till last December when she called SO demanding he get rid of them too since she was tired of them.... umm to late honey he hadn't had one at dads for over 6 months.

Every time she gets tried of something or makes this big break through she contacts him bragging and demanding he do the same.

And every time she's always half a year behind.

The way she babies this child. He's almost 5 and just now dressing himself in her home?

Oh but tell her he can buckle himself when transferring SO's and I'm the problem.

Seriously. I'm worried about this kids devolopment. He does amazing with us because he knows the rules. Goes to bed at a decent time. Stays in bed. Wakes up easy. Accepts being told no (within reason).

But BM's calls and Facebook post are the opposite. Kid stays up past midnight, sleeps in her bed, won't eat, throws fits.

Trust me I get it. This is just the name of the game. I just sorry how it will impact the kid in the future. That his father and in turn me are the only ones who apparently expect him to behave and grow.


justkeepstepping's picture

Good grief. DD just turned 3 and get herself dressed.

BM used to do the same crap with skids. SD was potty trained 6 months before BM "potty trained" her. I spent 5 months of EOWE and our summer visit potty training her just to have BM brag 6 months after about how easy it was for her to do.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Potty training was easy thankfully and did happen in both homes at the same time it seems.

One weekend I'm being woken up by a kid about to enter preschool "Miss K I need changed" to the next time he was over he was in pull ups using the potty regularly.

Oh and no I didn't change him. I'd shake his dad awake while telling the boy to tell his dad.

But seriously. We had some push back when we first started requiring him to dress himself. It's like for a few visits we'd habe relapse of him saying he couldn't though we knew he could. Pretty clear why now.

lieutenant_dad's picture

He knows how to behave, but his mom lets him get away with it. Why would he do better if he doesn't have to and there is no reward?

BM in my case also babies the everloving crap out of YSS. He couldn't tie his shoes until he was almost 10 (despite DH teaching every weekend that he was over how to do it and making him do it). He had his food cut up for him until probably 6 months ago and he's a preteen now!

My two favorite babying examples are the roll incident and the great packing saga. The roll incident happened last year. DH helped BM with some work on her car (yes, yes, I know, bad DH) and we all went to lunch after. YSS got a roll and wanted to put butter it.

HE TOLD US HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW. To put butter. In a roll.

SO BM GRABBED THE ROLL AND STARTED DOING IT FOR HIM! DH flipped out on YSS and told him to butter his own roll. BM tried the whole "but he can't" argument and DH just shut her down. He was buying YSS's lunch, and if he wanted to eat, he could figure it out.

The great packing saga is ongoing, but getting better. Since OSS has been 10, BM has had him pack his and YSS's clothes for weekends with us. As time went on and YSS got older, DH and I would tell YSS it was his responsibility to pack before coming over and before going back to BM's.

I'll be darned if he doesn't continuously forget something, blame OSS/SDad/GBM for it and BM BACKS HIM UP! DH finally got on BM about it and the issue has gotten better, but he'll still occasionally blame someone else.

YSS: I don't have pants.
Me: Why don't you have pants?
YSS: Because OSS forgot to pack them.
Me: Nope, you forgot to pack them.
DH (who is now fuming): It is NOT your brother's responsibility to make sure you have clothes.
YSS: But Dad, he gets everything packed before I get home from school.
DH: So double check the bag before you leave, or better yet, pack the night before. Go wash your clothes so you have pants.

This convo happened EVERY. WEEKEND. For a solid year.

You have my sympathy on this.

Cover1W's picture

LOL. The butter!
YES had that happen with then SD7 and SD9.

DH was doing EVERYTHING for them. They just sat down at the table and waited for him while he got the place settings, condiments (aka salt and parmesean cheese can), and then he plated it up for them, added whatever they wanted, and then they ate. And then they ran off and he cleaned up.

He buttered their toast for them in the mornings. "Daddddddddyyyyyy I caaaaaaan't..."


I think I sat there the first time I saw all this with my eyes as big as plates and my mouth hanging open. Yet, I stayed. (yeah, but it's much better now...hahahaha...)

lieutenant_dad's picture

I grew up under the philosophy that if you cook, you serve, but if you eat, you clean up. I had to stop plating the SSs' meals when I cooked because YSS couldn't. Like, could not use a large spoon to put food on the plate, couldn't pick up meat with tongs, nothing!

I was flabbergasted. Absolutely flabbergasted!

Cover1W's picture

I don't help with any SD food now that they are 11 and 13 unless I want to cook.
Then they have to help set the table/plate and clean up.

DaniellaR's picture

I was floored when SDthen11 couldn't turn on her own bath water because "mommy always does it for me." ::gag:: I almost had my toddler go in and do it for her. And before anyone's wheels start spinning, it was a basic faucet, not one of those fancy things you need an instruction manual for. It leads me to wonder if she couldn't use that faucet how the heck did she wash hands, brush teeth etc. Judging by her smell and the amount of bills we get in the mail for cavities, she probably just didn't do either.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Future step daughter 7 is at the point she knows how to operate our shower for the most part. I will normally go in before her to turn it down some before she even turns it on because I like it nearly burning but she can pull it out. Adjust temperature and push back in. Now to teach how to switch from shower to bath.

The 4 year old doesn't have the strength to start the water but can stop it. Leaving it up to dad to teach him how to change the temperature.

thinkthrice's picture

more flashbacks! Girhippo had stb 7 YSS in daytime pullups. Chef would cut their food for them. YSS at stb 7 would demand that Chef button him and tie his shoes. Result? The Girhippo put him in velcro shoes.
When I hinted that kids need to do and learn for themselves I was the ogre.

What made it really odd is that the skids are absolutely HUGE for their age. Looked like a 12 yr old in diapers.

Peanut575's picture

Daytime pull-ups at 7? Unless my kid had a medical condition or developmental delay I'd be mortified by that. My DH is pretty tough on the boys for most things (thank god), but he doesn't trust them to wipe themselves properly after #2. So at nearly 6 and 7.5 he does it for them. Which I don't get. At all. To me they should be old enough to do this on their own unless they've had an accident.

DaniellaR's picture

Good god thinkthrice, I always think my opinion of your SO couldn't go any lower and then you come up with gems like this. Your SO makes my DH look like father of the year (DH is a good man but he lacks parenting skills).

WalkOnBy's picture

You DO remember that when DH got custody of the skids, ASS, who was then in 8th grade, asked me to teach him how to tie shoes so that he wouldn't be embarrassed in gym class by his velcro shoes, right?

Yep - Medusa never taught any of them to tie shoes.

AND she had KarateKid in pullups at age 11 from the second he got home from school until he left for school the next morning. Why, you ask? Who knows, because we didn't do that at our house and we never had a problem.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Thankfully SO is really against babying the children. He also use to be the “bad guy” when it came to discipline when he and his partner were together so he’s use to meltdowns and fits. I on the other hand have training through my work on how to avoid power struggles, setting limits, and so on. It’s almost a daily event that I have some adult acting like a child screaming at me because they didn’t get their pain pill. So a 4 year old’s scream is NOTHING and if it gets too much neither of us is against picking him up and moving him into the corner or another room to cry it out.

I love dogs's picture

This is my BM except it was tying shoes. SD was taught at our house but claims BM and SF taught her. SD knows how to do laundry at our house. BM does all of SD's laundry and still packs SD's lunch and overnight bags. If something is forgotten, SD blames BM. SD is a preteen now and has no shame about someone else laundering her dirty underwear.

It was actually quite funny one time. We went to breakfast at Denny's and SD couldn't finish her kid's meal as always. She got a box and was told to put her leftovers in there. DH told her how to hold the plate to scrape her eggs into the box. She complained like a whiney 5 year old that "my wrist hurts, it hurts so bad, dad you need to do it". I would've laughed if it wasn't embarrassing. After her box was packed she told DH how she couldn't do it. He says of course you can, you just did. She continued on about how her wrist hurts and she couldn't do it even though it was done *scratches head.

Acratopotes's picture

:jawdrop: I still pack my kids bag if we go away and he's 22 }:) }:) }:) }:) (come to think of it use to pack for SO as well cause he always forgot half of his stuff)

I still order for him in a restaurant, cause if I have to wait for him to make up his mind I will starve, I simply order 2 of the same meals, if it's different he wants to swap half way through, cause mine looks better...

cause if I don't he will simply bug the blue living hell out of me for my toiletries (I gave him a tampon once when he asked for toothpaste lol) towel, t-shirts....

Now I simply grab shit from his room and bundle it in his back pack... last week-end I forgot his cigarettes and the big snot took mine.....I send him to the shops to buy more and beers lol.

but Deigma can cook, which he does when he's first at home, Deigma can clean, which he does on his off days and he does the laundry for both of us, and when I'm down he will bring me a glass of wine..

yes I still spoil my 22 year old baby hahahahaha

secret's picture

BM used to do that... she had the kid during "awake time" an hour at best each day.... and for a few hours every second Saturday morning at best...

She'd call/text DH to tell him that SS finally woke up not having pissed the bed... lady, he's been clean overnights at our place for months... or that she finally got him to eat some broccoli - he'd been eating broccoli at our home for the last year, no complaints... actually one of his favorite snacks was broccoli and cauliflower with dip...

She even called one time in July to say he used the potty on his own, flushed it, AND washed his hands with minimal help... congrats BM, you finally got him to do it at your house. He's been doing it at our house since May.

She called DH at some point this summer to tell him that SS could spell his name, she was so proud that her efforts paid off... DH told her that I'd been working with SS on learning to recognize the letters/numbers for months...and that not only could he spell his own name, but he could spell all of ours, and could even write his own name even if the N and S were backwards... BM yelled at DH saying that it wasn't because of me, it was because of her... he basically told her to think whatever helped her sleep at night, but that SS knew who really took care of him.., and that we had memorialized the first time he'd correctly spelled his name for us anyway, so she could do whatever she liked, we'd keep on keeping on.

She texted him the first time SS buckled himself up in his carseat. He'd been doing that for nearly a year.

DH never really held back from "correcting" BM - but eventually, he realized (with me hinting at it) that she'd stop texting him about that crap if he didn't respond to it... that WE knew the truth and that she was too delusional to consider that perhaps SS was "reaching his firsts" with us first, considering he was always with us and rarely with her... that she'd never accept it from DH, he might as well stop trying to correct her...