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Mother's and Father's day craft

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

If you’ve read my post you know that BM and I are not buddy buddy. Personally I hate the woman but that’s due to her behavior towards my ex. I have little to no direct contact but she’s not co-parent of the year.

Anyways I found this craft I’m going to do with the kids for Father’s Day. Since I already have the material and we’ll be doing it anyways I’ve thought about having the kids make one for their mom too for Mother’s Day. The only thing I have to do to make this happen is make the craft our next visitation instead of later so It’s really nothing extra for me.

I don’t expect any sort of acknowledgement from her but my thought is that it will at least benefit my relationship with the kids. We already do very well and maybe it’s selfish. I can’t explain it fully but I know BM doesn’t go out of her way to encourage the children’s bond with us and I want to show them that I can.

I don’t intend to make a big deal about it with them just “hey you guys want to make something for mom and dad for Mother’s / Father’s day?” My only other worry is if SO would be upset in some way knowing that BM got the same thing from the kids? I mean there are only so many things kids can make for parents at their ages that’s something more than another picture frame. This was branded as a Mother's day item but I KNOW my partner would love it too. 

Comments

I love dogs's picture

I say go for it. Taking the high road really is the way to go.... PLUS- it just makes BM look like an ass because I bet $3 million that she won't do anything for skids to make their dad feel special for Father's Day and never even thought about it.

I wouldn't worry too much about hurting SO's feelings. He is a big boy and should see that you are being thoughtful.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Thank you.

Last year I didn’t do anything for BM because as usual the kids made stuff at school. Then I didn’t have to do anything for SO because the kids were in camp that week but this year they won’t be.

I wouldn’t expect anything from BM’s home for Father’s Day because she’d have to plan early. We have the kids for 6 weeks starting the day after schools out. She doesn’t see them again till the weekend after father’s day then they come back to us for the rest of that 6 weeks.

Even outside of Father’s Day though I haven’t seen anything to say she would consider it. I don’t have anything to say she is actively trying to alienate the kids but they do say things that tell me she’s not being careful. I make every effort to do the opposite to the point of telling the kids that “your mom, dad, and I love you” or whatever when there’s a reason to do so.

I love dogs's picture

Yes, always be the angel no matter what. These women can't help but badmouth dad's home and take all the parenting credit (as you already know). When SD says that BM has said something nasty, we always say "oh, that's not very nice. How does that make you feel?". 9 times out 10, after giving it some thought, the kids will realize on their own that BM is being hateful and they can form their own opinions and ask questions.

StepUltimate's picture

Our BM had created a Fathers Day tradition & withholding SS from DH every Fathers Day because it was really "her" day as a single GUBM. Double-gag me. She had DH's balls, so to speak, PASing SS at every opportunity.

Even Fathers Day. Evil walks the face of this planet in human form, for sure.

I love dogs's picture

Double-gag me is right. How disgusting. BM has always given DH Father's Day because that means SD is out of her hair and she can get stoned in peace.

Your last paragraph is so true, and because of BM,  I am very cautious of relationships with manipulative people.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I always LOVE the whole "I'm a single mother" crap. Like really?

Let's see if you have an ex who is actively trying to be in the kids lives by upholding visitation and paying child support you aren't a single parent. Let's add in our case if you're withholding the children from any additional time just becuase you can or in your case refusing to comply with the CO then not only are you not a single parent but your a sh*tty one at that who doesn't deserve to be custodial parent.

How many of these "single parent's" also have their own parents taking care of the kids in more than just the every once in a while fashion? You know BM can leave the kids every single weekend and for days on end with her father if she wants to but if we take one night during those 6 weeks we have them we're horrible?

No thankfully we already have the kids for summer during father's day. Our order gives her 1 weekend and if that weekend happens to be father's day she has to wait till the next. If she doesn't talk to us soon she'll lose out on that visit completely because she works every weekend and heaven forbid she have to use PTO to see the kids. Last year we let her chance the weekend with a few days during the week but  she still hasn't set that up with us this year and once we make our plans we're not changing things for her.

I love dogs's picture

It's sad, really. Our BM works a PT job and makes maaaaybe $20K/ year, lives with her baby daddy, claims HOH on taxes EVERY YEAR (DH doesn't care enough to fight for a couple thousand dollars and this is the reason she'll never get married), gets lazer hair removal, smokes pot daily, drives a nice SUV that DH bought and paid off but let her keep in their break up (it is trashed and smells like cigarettes, btw- that smell never comes out), kids get Medicaid cause she's a "single mom". It's pathetic, really.

SD12 used to be a very vibrant little girl when I met her at age 5. DH was there everyday and he's an outgoing person. After being away from him for almost 7 years, she is a very bland preteen who can't make her own decisions. I blame BM. DH has guilty daddy syndrome, but he still teaches her life lessons and expects her to hold her own and be responsible and take care of herself.

I'm just ranting. Maybe don't say anything about Mother's Day now that I think of it? I'm sure the school has a craft for them, and as Lt. Dad said, maybe save the craft you bought for skids to make for SO exclusively for FD?

lieutenant_dad's picture

Will the kids be able to keep the present secret for 2 months? If not, then just have them do the craft for Father's Day. If the materials don't expire, keep them and let the kids make the craft (or something similar) for their mom for Christmas, her birthday, or some other random time.

I understand you want to show the kids you're committed to them and some amount of healthy coparenting, but my personal thought is to keep THIS craft something special for your SO. I don't think it's a bad idea to help them do SOMETHING, but I would make it something different, even if you use the same materials.

Maybe if you let us know what you bought and what you were planning, we could give you other ideas for BM.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

That's SUPER sweet of you!!! Just be careful too. I tried taking the first step and got royally cussed out for the attempt. Some BMs could care less about peace, as much as I wish they did care, and care more about always being right and being in control.

You're amazing for doing this though! Even if BM doesn't appreciate the effort, it really seems like something the skids are going to appreciate and remember Smile

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

See even that I don't see as a bad thing.

I' not trying to provoke her and I don't really expect response from her 

If I do it, it's for the kids. If she tries anything and the oldest sees I don' think it would go well for BM. As it is though I will not be giving it to her in any way. Can' even garentee she'll get it since I'll be sending it home with them and BM won't see them till after school the next day. There's a good chance it will be forgot at grandpa's but atleast I could say I tried.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Good for you! Even if she doens't see it, I'm sure the skids will remember it.

I wasn't trying to provoke either. That was back when i was hopeful we could all be civil. I tried throwing her a bone, and she tore through it and came at me instead. LMAO