It’s a back and forth effort. SO and I rarely share days off so that’s 4 of the 7 that one of us will be home. During the other 3 the majority of the time we work opposite of each other. He leaves shortly after I get home and returns around 2AM. The kids normally sleep in till at least 8 or 9 and are big enough to manage themselves while he gets a tiny bit more sleep.

Basicly it's the same thing we'd do if we had them full time or any biochildren. It's the same way we'll handle summer if we still haven't moved to their same town.

The few times there is overlap between my time off and his going in my mom watches them for us. It’s normally only an hour or so.

If there is an emergency SO is able to take them to work with him. His boss is the one who brought it up in case there’s every an issue and SO gets called in. The kids are very well behaved and would most likely be spoiled while there so they’d love it.

A court can’t hold it against her but I can all I want. She’s a sh*t parent who refuses to actually take care of her kids. There’s a difference when the bio-parent is at work but that’s not the case here. 5 of the extra 9 days we are having are week days where BM doesn’t work. She hasn’t had but maybe 1 day off with the children since summer. Every single school holiday she’s asking us to keep them.

I’m not documenting aunt keeping them. We have them weekends because of work. We have them school holidays because she doesn’t want them. The only time she has them is throughout the school week and even then she can’t stay home to spend time with them. That I can hold against her. It’s different if it’s once in a while but out of the 4 evening she has them she only sees them 2. That’s her choice and that’s not what a PARENT should do.

I’m documenting every extra day they are in SO’s care to show a pattern. I’m including the messages that show the exchange happened. She can explain to the court why she should remain primary caregiver when she doesn’t keep the children unless she HAS to for them to go to school. Let the oldest tell the judge what happens during mommies time when the child request equal time between her parents as she’s made clear she wants.

SO and I will be married before we go to court. We've been together 2.5 years. We've agreed that if we absolutely had to we would go to the court house but I want a little more than that so we're holding off.

That being said I do understand that there is nothing wrong in the courts eyes for her to have anyone watch the kids. It's just a personal thing that frustrates us. That she has them 4 nights a week, she get's that privilege, and half of those she's out partying / drinking / whatever. She made a big deal about cutting her hours to only work weekends so she could be there for the kids.

The only thing we may do with this information is use her families statements against her. From nearly day one they have messaged him saying there are issues and they recognize that he is doing all he can from an hour away but we know they support him having equal time with the kids if it were possible and they are willing to share their reasons why with at least a letter to the court.

I fully believe being involved at the school is parenting. My issue is for her is “parenting for show”. She's mother of the year who can't be bothered to actually spend time with her kids outside of the school setting.

What I say here is what I think and CAN'T say in any other location for fear it would get back to her. I know better than to directly attack her in court but we will let her messages speak for her. Everything goes in the record. Every pick up and every exchange. Any messages about changing times and any of her going off for not getting her way. All of these things help show SO isn't just a weekend parent doing the bare minimum and that he is doing his best to co-parent with her.

And as I repeatedly say there is no intent to try and change custody now. We are fully aware that 50/50 is impossible with the distance and it near impossible they would consider changing primary cutosday at this time. All of this is building up the record for when the time is appropriate.

The home hasn't been given to him yet. His mother intends to give it to him after his grandmothers death. She is staying put until that time. She has made it clear she wants out of that town and there are already discussion on how to handle grandmother's belongings. I know that sounds cold but grandmother is suffering. She has cancer and Alzheimer's. She also has a new husband who is ignoring all of her family who knows she wouldn't want to be kept alive the way they are doing but she never completed the advance directives paperwork. The house is in mom's name already (and has been for years) so there isn't any concern about husband getting it.

SO met with the VSO last week. She is taking over trying to hunt for the old records. I'll be emailing her for an update later this week.

I know it's going to take time. As I keep saying this isn't for now. This is along game and every time she does this it's something that helps his future case.

SO CAN'T go for 50/50. We currently live an hour from the kid's school. The point is to build up a record showing that SO IS caring for the children as close to 50/50 as possible. Once the distance isn't the issue his request will be for 50/50.

Most likely with just the move alone BM will “let” us have the kids more than 50% of the time. At the very least BM will continue to work weekends which means we'll continue to have them every weekend from when school lets out Friday. Most likely her family will refuse to keep them Sunday night know that SO is available and willing to keep them and she won't put fight. That's 3 nights a week. The order also gives SO 4 hours once a week. If you take those and put them together for just one more over night every other week, which is less disruptive to the children, there's 50/50. Also knowing BM those 4 hours once a week would most likely end up over nights both weeks because why should she have to come get the kids at 9 PM and end her night early.

The thing will be getting the court to see it's in the best interest of the children that the arrangement be made official. This is where BM's messages come into play. I wrote about the fun we had last weekend with BM threatening to withhold the children because she wasn't getting her way. LEGALLY she could but the court shouldn't approve of the way she uses the children to try and blackmail him.

The hope is by next summer we should be situated in the same town. Financially we might not be prepared for a court battle but that shouldn't be to far behind.