FSS9 asking about me and his mom and custody agreement
I have been trying to smooth out my relationship with fss9. He annoys me a lot and our relationship has been touchy lately so when I said I was going to go see a movie instead of going on the boat ride and he asked to go I said yes. We actually had a really good time and loved the movie, Snow White and the Huntsman. On the way home he asked why me and his mom dont get a long. I told him that I respect her because she is his mom, but I dont agree with a lot of thing she does. He asked what she has done and I told him that I didnt think it was appropriate that we discussed it and he didn't to learn things for himself.
He then asked why he can't spend the whole summer with his dad. He remembers that he spent 2 months with dad a few years ago when mom got kicked out of her house and couldn't keep them with her. She rarely came around during that time and didnt seem interested in taking them back until she got the letter in the mail stating child support would stop since he had them full time (yeah, she picked them up that night). He asked why they didnt stay longer and I told him because your mom came and took you back ( I did not mention the child support). Anywho, ss9 asked why he couldnt do that and I told him that if that was something he wanted that he needed to sit down and explain to mom that he wanted more time with dad (not yelling and throwing a temper tantrum; just talking). I am sure that when this happens, FDH will get a phone call with her bitching and complaining about it. After all they are HER kids and he is just a sperm donor. I feel bad because I think the kids are not stable at her house and this is affecting them. Every time she gets a new boyfriend, they move in within a week and this happens every few months if not more often. Its sad that our state is so prone to mothers.
I am wondering when its appropriate to explain to a child about what a custody agreement is. I think ss9 is old enough to know whats going on with it (from his dad, not from me). I dont think it is right for him to be under the impression that dad does not want him here or that mom has the right to take him away whenever she wants.
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My FDH's mother decided to
My FDH's mother decided to tell SS9 that she has custody of him and that FDH and I were moving to Florida and going to take her to court for custody. She even described who would be in court and what SS would have to do and say. The sad thing was she has never had custody, FDH has always had custody with BM. BM chose not to exercise her rights except for every other weekend.
That being said SS was told by FDH the truth about custody and SS was fine with it. SS was more upset at the lies grandma told him than learning the truth. If your BM is telling her version of reality your DH may want to tell his child the truth.
Thats a good idea. Then at
Thats a good idea. Then at least he will understand that his dad does want him more and maybe he will see the truth when she fights him on it. FDH couldnt get them more at the time because lawyer said he just needed to go for minimum at that time or it would be a long drawn out process because bm was not letting him see them at all. I think the lawyer screwed him over. You never know who to trust when it comes to lawyers.
She lies about a lot to the
She lies about a lot to the kids to make herself look good to them. She gets pissed if they come home talking about me or that they had a good time here. SD6 has grabbed BM's phone a few times and called FDH saying she doesnt want to be with her mom and then BM gets on the phone or calls him back yelling at him for it. According to her its wrong that they want to be here so she yells at him for it. He wants to take her back to court for at least 50% but we are having a big problem coming up with the funds for it with the amount he pays in child support. If he had kept a log of all the issue that have occurred of the past few years I think he could get full custody; but he never listened so thats his own fault.
The only other thing that
The only other thing that sucks is the lawyers who he talked to said that child support would stay the same even if he did get them 50%. We get by right now paying $1000 in child support but then having them that much more with food and everything will make it a lot tighter.
According to the lawyers here
According to the lawyers here in Missouri child support is based on the income of both the parents. They want the children to have the "same financial access" in both homes. So since FDH makes more, he pays bm enough so that their income is the same.
They only thing that has gone
They only thing that has gone by the court order is that she puts them in EVERY single sport all year long. In the court order it says that both parents should participate as often as possible with sports and such but FDH got fed up with it. FSS9 would do sports but would be out in the field drawing in the dirt or not paying attention and end up playing for the wrong team. Plus BM starts drama in front of the kids all the time when she wants to throw a fit about something. So he got tired of being around her and she shows up at all the games. If we are not doing something and the kid want to go to their games, we do take them. However if we have something planned (seeing as we only have them right now for 4 days a month) we do not go. There has been a few times that the kids have not wanted to go and we dont think forcing them to go is right at this age. He has been to many games but I dont think its fair they are put into so much of it interferes so much with the limited time he has to spend with his kids. Especially when she says she puts them in it so they are not bored, not because they are interested in the sport. They are not bored when they are with us. We do all sorts of things; I think that is one reason they want to come back so much. They like sitting down and playing battleship, rising bikes to the park and going frog hunting at the creek. We do all these things with them. BM just wants to drag them off to sports and when they are not doing that they are running around the neighborhood. That is why fss9 was hit by a car when he was 7 and fsd6 was always found wandering the neighborhood when she was 3. SHe has already been investigated many times but only made to take a few classes. Family services are the reason so many children end up dead.
Told FDH about the
Told FDH about the conversation I had with fss9 and he agreed fss9 has been asking a lot. So he is going to talk with her about it WITH him. SO that when she says no, he can see why dad doesnt get him. But he will also tell him that he will start working towards getting the judge to get him to let him have him more.
Wonderful.. So FDH drops of
Wonderful.. So FDH drops of fss9 and leaves. Doesnt stay to talk with him. So fSS9 tells bm that I told him that he needs to ask for more time with dad. EXACTLY WHY I WANTED HIM TO STAY! Because fss9 is scared that bm will be mad at him for wanting to be with dad more (cant really get mad at him although thats really sad on her behalf). Thank you FDH for doing 1 thing I ask. Of course he had an excuse, "oh she was not there, she was at the gas station", and later that changed to she was at the grocery store. I am seriously considering disengaging because of him.... Not because of the skids.... HIM!