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My BS and his BF

Dippitydo's picture

I posted earlier about my BS's SM's dad passing away. I opted out of the funeral and visitation since BS's dad volunteered to pick him up and carry him. I just settled on a polite "sorry about your loss" conversation with his SM.

My BS graduates from high school this year. His school asked for baby pictures and DS didn't really want to send any. Apparently, the school contacted his BD and his BD asked me. I explained that BS didn't wish to send any. BD decided to take some pictures he had to the school. I asked him to ask my BS about it. My BS comes home from school and tells me that his dad dropped off pictures at his school. They were pictures of BS and SM's dad. BS told me he didn't really want the pictures in his year book but didn't want to hurt his dad's feelings.

I told my BS if he didn't want the pictures in his yearbook to tell his teacher and she doesn't have to put the pictures in the yearbook. BS lives with me full time so it isn't like his dad or SM would ever see the yearbook (unless they bought their own). I basically just told BS that he was 18 and he just needed to make an adult decision. He could put the pictures in the yearbook or he could just say thanks but no thanks to his dad and SM. I also told him that I would stand behind any decision he made.

My DS was never been really "that" close to her parents. Over the past five or six years, he hasn't seen him that much at all.

I understand that she lost her dad and I am sure BD is trying to appease SM and doesn't really know what to do. I am not going to address this with him because it is basically a decision I told my BS to make. I am not sure if BD and SM is turning my son's yearbook into a memorial for her dad or just thinking that DS may want the pictures in his yearbook.

I am not upset about it but just thinking out loud. I was just really caught off guard that he would actually think about taking those pictures to the school. I feel that BF may be trying to over compensate because SM can't have kids with him. He had a vasectomy after BS was born and I guess never thought about it at the time that he would run off with another woman and she may would want children. Then again, maybe he is just a typical BD who thinks that SM really wants to be all involved in his kids life. Maybe SM doesn't even know about it yet.

On a plus side, I have waited anxiously since the divorce for my youngest BS to graduate from high school and it will happen in June. I will be celebrating like crazy because I will no longer have to deal with the BD and SM. Of course, I will still be cordial and will see them from time to time, I am sure. I will no longer have to update them on grades, sickness or anything else. Yes, I always shared grades and sickness with him. I am already doing the happy dance...

Comments

Dippitydo's picture

Good idea...I will ask him that. Since my BS didn't want to send in the pictures, I never asked the price. He has four pictures that his dad sent. Each one is him and SM's dad. I am not sure why he didn't just send 3 of BS and 1 of BS and her dad.

I can't remember exactly how much the yearbook will cost. I will be purchasing it for him.

Dippitydo's picture

That could be it as well. He has a lot of pics of BS so he probably just didn't want to put forth the effort to look. I didn't think of that.

Dippitydo's picture

SM has never really overstepped any boundaries. She actually just let BF handle everything. It made things a lot easier especially in the beginning. I am thinking that BF is the one that thought it would be a good jester to put the pics in the yearbook and probably never thought about asking anyone.

It was very hard in the beginning. I hated seeing them together and it seemed she was always with him at the kids events. I had to get up and walk out of the events a few times because I just couldn't handle it. I just really couldn't understand why she had to be there. It wasn't like I was going to talk to XH, he sit on one side and I would sit on the other. Over time, it didn't bother me anymore. I just expected her to be there.

I had a very wise therapist tell me that I had 2 choices...

1. I could choose to hate XH and his wife more than I love my kids or

2. I could choose to love my kids more than I hated them.

She asked me which one did I LOVE the most to hate them or love my kids. I chose my kids. She told me to basically get my act together and love my kids and let karma deal with them. You know, I noticed almost instantly a change in the whole situation. Karma did pay them a few visits but it wasn't really important to me anymore. SM has always been really good to my kids. I basically picked my battles. I tried really hard not to turn every situation into world war III.

I told BS to do whatever he wanted to do, it was his choice.

Maxwell09's picture

You did what I would have done which is: remind the kid he's an adult now about to be his own responsibility in the real world once he graduates and he needs to be the one to decide if he wants those pictures in there or not. If he does great-business as usual; if he doesn't-he needs to figure out the best way to resolve the situation.

Acratopotes's picture

You did good..... it's up to BS to decide, he's old enough, and I think your EDH over stepped the line,
you did tell him BS asked not to give school baby pictures, he should've asked BS himself if he did not believe you, but yet he decided to do his own thing...