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High Maintenance

Ihit4avg's picture

Ok people...My 14 year old daughter is so high maintenance right now.  While she is with me I make her pay for things and she doesn't usually get the best of the best.  She knows that she has to earn things when she is with me.  But recently her mom (my Ex) told her that she would go in half (when she is 16) on a Range Rover if I would too.  A flippin Range Rover for a 16 year old girl??  I lost it when she brought it up.  I told her Absolutely not!  I had a long conversation with her about status and keeping up with the Joneses etc.  Since then around me she has talked about Honda Civics.  Used ones too!  Much better, but she still is on the Range Rover kick when it comes to my father.  She told him that her mom is willing to go in half if my dad would.  My dad laughed at her and had "the talk" with her too about having nice things and how those things need to be earned.  This all stems from her mom and that side of the family.  They all are "big hat, no cattle".  Ya know the kind that drive 70-80K cars but yet rent a house.  hahaha.  Unreal!  I am trying super hard to break her of this expensive attitude.  I do my best but she is only with me 45% of the time.  The other 55% she is being "won over" by momma who is trying to win more time in court.  All because she has brain washed her into believing that is what she needs.  See by me telling her "heck no" on the range rover it makes me look like the bad guy.  Her mom knows I will say no so she won't ever have to follow through with her promise.  Maybe I should call her bluff?  lol.  One more thing....She hit me up just two days ago for a Gucci Belt...I was clueless how much those cost.  Well the one she wanted was $450.  I about choked on my own spit!  Are u serious!  I am a middle class dad by know means has this kind of money but even if I did I wouldn't spend it on that.  Super crazy what I deal with!  I guess the next time I have her we are going to have a talk about the belt too!  One thing I won't do is give up but I guarantee ya her mom put her up to this too.  Maybe its time I start calling her bluff.  What do you guys think?


CantComplain's picture

My bet is that this will all be forgotten/eclipsed by the time she's old enough to drive. You can probably safely forget about it.

Ihit4avg's picture

I sure hope you are right.  She is going to be in for a rude awakening when it comes time to buy her first car and she has to pay for it.  I guess you better get a job cupcake.  I don't think working in a sno cone stand can afford you a Range Rover.  HA!

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

TBH, I've NEVER understood just handing a car over to a 16 year old... Let alone a fancy a$$ expensive as s*** car...

Stay firm!!! She'll figure it out.

Ihit4avg's picture

Thats exactly what my father said.  "Why does she think her parents are to buy her a car anyway?"  Get a job!  Handouts don't happen here! 

Ihit4avg's picture

I just can't wrap my brain around this thinking.  I didn't grow up expecting things like this.  I was raised with some nice things but I never expected it.  I can't imagine living life like that.  Its all for show.  My ex's family doesn't have money but they want people to think they do.  Quite sad actually.  Im just glad I dont have their credit card bill.  Shok

wildstang's picture

If the mom is offering 50%, I would tell the child that they can do 25% and you will match them 25%.

Otherwise these conversations need to aim to the 33/33/34% rule.

I also would just say no.  It is a complete sentence.

Ihit4avg's picture

I will help her out.  I have this motto...I am willing to help someone out if they are willing to help themself out.  If she needs assistance in paying for a car I am all for that.  She is a good student that is involved in athletics so it does take up some time.  Its all about me staying consistent with her and showing her the value of a dollar.  Its hard because the small town I live in is quite the opposite of the town she goes to school in with her mom.  I wish she was with me 24-7.

pickles45's picture

My SO has the same problen with his ex. Shes a spoiled lazy you know waht that gets alimony (for another 4 years. PUKE!), child support (of course) and got a HUGE inheritence from her mother. Of course she died right after they got diovorced. 17 years married to a lazy entitled slob and he couldn't even enjoy a little extra from his mother in law before they split. (Sorry got off topic). 

Anyways she bought their 14 year old an Iphone 10!! $1000 phone for a 14 year old. So ridiculas! My fear is he makes money so he can match and even top the ex. He went and got her an apple watch for Xmas! I am so sick of divorced paretns trying to buy their kids love!!!!!!


Ihit4avg's picture

Yes they do the same thing with mine.  Usually its trips with my kids.  Cruises and luxurious trips to places.  Its funny because I guess the Step Dad is part of some travel group that apparently gets to take free trips.  I have no clue what it is, but the kids tell me all the time that every trip they take is free.  Bahaha..the shit they feed them!

notsobad's picture

Big hat, no cattle! Hahahahahaha, I love that! I've never heard it before but will be using it from now on.

BM here went for test drives with SD(then19) and picked out two cars, one for herself and one for SD! DH laughed and laughed and said No. SD didn't get a car for another 3 years and DH was all set to buy her a mustang convertable. He made very sure that SD knew it was because BM thought she should be getting a car as well that SD didn't get one. He told her he was afraid that BM would make SD sell the mustang or trade it in to get herself a car.

I think you should continue what you're doing with your daughter. Someone needs to teach her fiscal responsibility and it dosen't sound like her mother is up to the task.

Ihit4avg's picture

Yeah...that side of the familiy is all big hat no cattle...Im an Okie so that reference fits well.  LOL. 

CLove's picture

Shes probably savvy enough to go online and check out poshmark - its designer clothes resale. So yeah, if she were to get a better job, the stuff is still expensive, but you can get a resale item for less than %40.

Yet, no is indeed a complete sentence. I think it would still be irritating to be asked to provide all these things.

I got a used nissan when I turned 18 and had my license. No new car for me as my grades werent high enough. Yup, especially with new drivers - they need a beater car for $1,000 that is cheap to fix (because no one at 16 changes the oil).

Good luck with that!!!!

Toxic Feral Eldest is 19.5 and STILL doesnt have a license. She ubers to her job and back and sometimes her mother Toxic Troll gives her a ride. DH promised her a car after HS graduation IF she got a job to pay gas and insurance and IF she had a license. Shes gone no contact with us, yet is still hoping for the promised car.

Good luck!

Ihit4avg's picture

Holy hell she talks about posh mark all the time.  I never knew what it was!  Unreal!  Lord help us when she is old enough for a CC.  Can you imagine!  I have to teach her about that now so she won't get off into huge debt.  I can see this being a problem for her if she follows in her moms footsteps..

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Parenting differences aside, it makes zero sense to give a teen driver a new car, as statistically speaking they're likely to wreck it. A used car with a high safety rating makes more sense.

I recall being damn happy my parents let me drive their vehicles, and my choices were a Ford Pinto or a Ford Courier. lol

All you can do is keep engaging your daughter in conversations about values, setting goals, delayed gratification, good money management, etc. Encourage her to think critically. Point out HOW wealthy people EARNED and KEEP their wealth. Find opportunities for her to earn her own money, so she can see just how hard people are expected to work and how little money buys these days. Teach her to always pay herself first by putting money in savings. Don't critcize you ex or get emotional; instead, offer comparisons: Did you hear about the Smith family? They lost their home because the dad had a gambling/shopping/whatever problem. Oh, the Millers? They look rich, but their cars are leased, their home is a rental, and they don't have a pot to whiz in. And I agree that you should create opportunities for your daughter to work towards a goal, be it school clothes, a car, or whatever. She needs help transitioning from a Gimmee gimmee little kid into a responsible young adult.

Ihit4avg's picture

Great points!  you are right!  She needs a decent car that is reliable.  I drove a used dodge dakota for my first truck.  It broke down the first week I had it...I loved that thing though!  lol

Merry's picture

It’s pretty normal at that age to be caught up in designer labels and high-end trappings. 

My own DD got over it when she learned the value of money. Until then I told her she could want whatever she wanted but that didn’t mean I was going to buy it. 

Mominit's picture

 I’ll start by saying I agree that you should not be planning on buying such an expensive car. Yes you may just be getting set up, but it’s also possible that she absolutely intends to see that through. So that she can see her daughter in such a status symbol car. 

That being said, I disagree with people who think teenagers shouldn’t have brand new cars. Our kids started working as early teens and had to put at least half of every paycheck away. When they were 17 and able to drive unaccompanied, they each bought a brand new car. Because what else do they have to do with their money at that age, except video games movies and junk food. By buying a brand new car when they were 17 they were finished with their payments by the time they graduated University. So they had a shiny new degree and a fully  paid off car, that was still in great condition. That being said, they paid for it themselves, every dime of it, so they took really good care of their investment.

I would rather see them in a reliable safe new vehicle while they’re young and have no idea how to fix it, or the finances to make a good fix, instead of a beater where I always had to worry about their safety. It worked for us. 

Ihit4avg's picture

Love how you made them save 1/2.  Pay yourself first!  Great lesson that I am going to implement!  Thank you!

notasm3's picture

A friend’s father was wealthy and owned 3 car dealerships.  She got a used bottom of the line car at 18. 

When she married in her 30s she had a nice mid size car that she paid for - although she did get a good price.   Her DH had an old beat up station wagon.  Her teenaged SS wanted to take her car for dates instead of his dad’s car.  She told him no that she’d gone out with his father in that old car when they were dating.   

Ihit4avg's picture

See that is where I am at.  My in laws have dealerships in the family.  I think that is why she thinks she can get a nice car.  She is in for a rude awakening...:)