So in the past few days I found out just how far the rabbit hole goes with in laws and step kids.
disengagement didn’t work, it only made them more spiteful. If it was only aimed at me I would suck it up. But it is particularly aimed at my one year old daughter - because they don’t like me. Which I find quite disgusting.
my soon to be ex husband had three years to grow a pair and keep it away from me. So today I filled in my divorce petition, and paid for it. No going back now. Stuff the lot of them. I only get one life.
so my mother came round the house to take my eighteen year old son to the airport. I let her start coming around the house a few years ago, after about five years of no contact. I initiated the no contact because I found out through my medical records that I had spent nearly two years in the foster care system when I was a toddler- and yet she comes across as a know all mother. Today’s piece of know all, was that my house was too small. And that ‘family life’, step family life, and my daughter might be better in a bigger house.
Today is our third wedding anniversary. It’s not a major milestone to many, but it’s a huge milestone to us it terms of the challenges step kids and in laws have thrown at us. So here’s to getting through another year till the next one, more disengagement as it works well enough for me and I don’t think I would still be married if I didn’t make that decision. And thanks to people on here over the last few months who have given great advice on mine, and others blogs that have proven useful in gaining other viewpoints on how to approach life and challenges.
What are people’s gift giving etiquette when it comes to bio kids, stepkids, and grandchildren even if you have any? Does everyone get the same, or is it a matter of who needs what? Anyone out there willing to admit gifts aren’t overly thoughtful if they don’t like the parents. Anyone out there willing to admit they always do what they can despite being broke. - as it it the thought that counts. There are quite a few on here with large families and I just wondered.
Has anybody noticed with their bio kids and step kids that there are particular environmental conditions that they are more likely to talk and be polite. For a while now my sons have got in the habit of deciding to chat about nine o clock at night. The young girls will have gone to bed so they won’t be interrupted, and if I’m sitting at the dining table on my own having a cup or tea, they will make bedtime snacks pull up a chair and by some form of miracle they will strike up a conversation lasting twenty minutes to an hour.
My father has been married to my stepmom for nearly fourty years. I must admit I do like to try and take my fathers advice when I ask for it as he doesn’t criticise he merely says option a is, option b is and option c is and I find this approach helpful. We all pre arrange to see each other which makes family life easier on all sides. For example my father says to his wife ‘ I am going to see ‘me’ in such and such a day. And she says ok that’s great, I have just had an op (spinal op) can’t go (two and a half year old etc, can get ott) but do the girls need any clothes.
So I am thinking back to the time I started to dislike my Sd and it was round about the time she requested a selfy stick. After about a year of her being ‘me me me’ sd was 21 at the time. We both said no to the request, but I couldn’t help but feel she was getting a tad ‘superficial’. There’s nothing wrong with a pretty picture or two but some people just get obsessed. I know this is normal behaviour (apparently) and some of you are going to slate me for being judgemental which is fair enough.
i have made a mountain out a a molehill, but I still find this insulting on my daughters behalf. Ladies would you say anything or just go about your own business. Trouble is I personally ( being a little bit over sensitive I guess and I do struggle to be the better person). Bio daughter with dh is turning one in a few weeks. All grandchildren including sd and as have pride of place pictures up in mils house. Except for my youngest. She is a cute little thing, but mil won’t put her picture up because of a row between sil and she and mil is worried about upsetting sil.
Is it ever acceptable to buy ones mother in law a broom? Just venting, I’m hoping people will send some funny replies though. I came across a picture of mil, sd, and sil the other day and they looked like the witches of eastwick all day together. Broom like present maybe. A small tree for the garden (living upside down broom) maybe acceptable? *yes I’m awful you don’t need to tell me*
Anyone got any tips for dealing with resentment of SO, about stepkids. You know, simple stuff ‘sayings’ like it will all look better in the morning’. Stuff to get through each day. I’m absolutely fine when it’s just my 2 bio kids and I at home. It’s absolutely lovely. Then my SO comes home from work, and I lack the creativity to keep my brain occupied so I don’t stick my foot in my mouth and come out with something...my husband has currently taking to sitting staring at me when I go quiet in a bid to ‘chill out’. And it makes me quite uncomfortable.