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Tips for Burnout

delcherz's picture

Hi Everyone, I found this page after googling for some help on step-parenting. I am engaged to my fiance who has a 7 year old boy and 4 year old girl. I am 25 years old and come to the relationship with no children of my own. I am looking for advice on burnout and what to do? The adjustment of going from single with no kids to engaged and living with my partner and helping her raise the 2 children has been overall decent but still has the moments of burnout. Any recommendations for burnout and how to help it would be so appreciated!


JRI's picture

Even bio parents get burned out.  Two kids, 4 and 7, are exhausting.  Your fiance must feel giant relief in having another adult there to share the load.  Child care? Babysitters? Enforced bedtime?  Date nights?  Weekends at Grandma's?  I'm sure others will have suggestions but just know, one-on-one time with your fiance is totally crucial to making your marriage work.

One upside is that I see you are a child protection worker.  This whole scenario will give you more understanding of parents who snap.  Thanks for your work.

tog redux's picture

It's not your job to raise her kids, do they have a father? Not saying you can't help her, but the bulk of parenting should fall on her. You should feel free to do things on your own or with friends, because the kids aren't your responsibility.  That may sound harsh, but set that boundary now - she seems to want someone to be a second parent, and that person should be their father, not you. If she doesn't like the idea that you aren't there to raise her kids, that tells you a lot about her.  

Define your role before you get married. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Make sure their are established limits with the kids so they learn to play independently and entertain themselves.

Have adult time every day even if it's at the end of the night to unwind.