You are here

UPDATE

decofru's picture

Hey guys its been long since i last posted well Im back. So last time i had said Skid moved in with his BM because he requested for that as he thought of me as abusive and all that crap all because he grew up being treated like a King never corrected or punished for his wrongs and his dad wanted everything done for him as if he is a cripple who cant do anything himself so i couldnt take that.

Those who have never read my blogs here is a summary of my story

Living with skid brought on way too many challenges it just wasnt working and it made DH and i resent each other because skid would twist statements and lie to his dad to make me look like a bad person and DH would be stupid enough to believe a kid. Who doesnt know kidz lie? I would hate DH for believn his lying brat.

Then ther was an issue of skid telling BM all our business so they was no privacy in the house.  When we stayed with skid the whole year his mom wouldnt take him not even on school holidays so it was frustratin to me having no breaks in fulfilling BM's duties baby sittin cookin washin ironing disciplining her child plus my own child. It wasnt fair and BM would do nothing not even to at least contribute a cent towards her only child's welfare. The dad did nothing for his child and pushed all responsibility to me he wouldnt even help me, that made me feel unfairly over burdened

N wae current news

Skid is stil living with his mom since last year sept he comes every weeknd and the whole skul holiday 30 days without a break his mom wnt take him on weeknds during skul break. Its nt fair as she dazn get to watch him 30 days without a break since he comes to us evry weekend and think of it during the school term the kid will be at skul and she will be at work so she only deals with him in the evenings but durin skul holiday he is in our house mornin til nyt 24 7. It sucks!!! Im trying to talk to Dh to talk to BM to take the kid on weeknds during skul breaks so we can also get a break even for just a day. I cannot have skid from morning til nyt for 30 good days without a break something his bio mom dazn even get to do cz we giv her breaks evry weeknd. 

Our bio son is 18 months old now and am pregnant with our second child another boy. Was hoping for a girl though. Baby is due this July so yeah will be having 2 kids with DH now

Having skid living with his mom has had its benefits but it hasnt made evrythn perfect bcz i stil hav to deal with skid evry weeknd and last tym he played ball in the house a 11 yer old and the ball broke my expensive A4 picture frame. No one was in the living room when it happened so when i realised the frame broke i knew it was him but skid denied it and his dad believed him and accused the maid of being the one who broke the frame. The dad also accused me of wanting to put the blame on his son because i hate him. Its sad that he doesnt know his son at all. He always listens to his lies and whenever i tell him how disrespectful his son was to me or the maid he accuses me of forming lies against his child. 

So it seems skid will forever be a problem in my life and the father is to blame for believin his child over his wife and his lack of parentin resulting in the child becoming a spoilt manipulative and disrespectful lying brat.

The mother in law discusses me with the ex wife because she is not happy that her favourite grand child is no longer livin with his dad because of our differences. Seriously what's so wrong about a child living with his bio mom? Most kidz grow up with their moms. Why should i bear the burden of labouring for another woman'a child while the BM does nothing and when i have my own children to labour for. 

I really regret being with a man with a child from a previous relationship its signing up for never ending challenges. You end up unhappy and resentful, there is no way out for me. Whether the kid lives with us or not his existance still causes issues in my marriage. 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Sounds like your SS has two lousy parents, neither of which actually want to parent him.

It's the lack of parenting that's the issue, not the child's existence. If your DH was a decent parent, these challenges would decrease considerably.

decofru's picture

True I agree. I have realised that the parents are responsible for who SS has become. Defintly lack of parenting and not knowing his son very well that's causing us grief. The child takes advantage of the fact that he knows his father believes his lies and thinks of him as a perfect little boy. 

I wish i could ignore the child and act like he is not there but I cant because he keeps on destroying and damaging my things and gets away with it and then disrespecting my sisters when they visit, eating any food i leave in the fridge, lying to his dad about me. How do i ignore all that. I really wish he and his mother can just pack and leave to a far away country.

tog redux's picture

Your DH is the one who needs to experience your anger and resentment. He should be parenting the kid.

Disneyfan's picture

Even if the boy moved to another planet, you would still be stuck with your husband.

decofru's picture

Well he only gives me problems when it comes to SS otherwise he is good to me.

tog redux's picture

I dunno -  DH repeatedly believing his kid over me would diminish my positive feelings for him.  Also, him being a crap parent would lead to a sharp decline in my respect for him.

Being "good to you" would mean believing you when you tell him how his son behaves, and doing something about it.

decofru's picture

No one is perfect, everyone has his flaws and weaknesses and it seems DH's is his child so yes apart from anything to do with his child he is good to me that why is I'm with him. The challenge in our relationship is everything to do with SS. 

tog redux's picture

I suppose. To me, that's like saying, "He only punches me in the nose once a year, otherwise, he's good to me!"

You do realize that he will be doing this with his son forever, right? So when he's 24 and Daddy is still supporting him, your DH will blame you if you object. And the son will capitalize on being able to get his father to believe anything he says.

There's zero reason why he should believe what his son says over what you say.

Harry's picture

When SS is over, Set up Daddy Son things to do, To get them out of the house. Tell SS next weekend, your father is going to take  you ( fill in the blank) fishing, to a movies, sporting event, cheap one school type, club type, some type of show, boat, car, Si fi .  

Make your DH parent his kid,  maybe then he will talk with BM to keep the kid more 

decofru's picture

DH is lazy as hell, he expects me to treat SS like my bio kid so he expects me to labour for him just as i labour for my bio son, if i remind him that SS is not really my responsibility he gets hurt and accuses me of being hateful. I can never treat or think of SS as my bio kid because there are always things he does that remind me he aint my BS coz my BS would never do things he does like showing no respect for my relatives because he knows they arent his relatives and telling his mother things that go on in my home. Those are some of the things that remind me he is so not my child and i don't feel obligated to labour for him, i will be feeling used.