Summertime Blues
Quick recap.....SO has primary custody of SD18, SD13, SS12. We have been together over 6 years, still living separately. Mostly because I did NOT sign up for some of this nonsense as detailed below. Call me selfish, I don't really care, but I did not raise this kid and I will NOT sacrifice my hard-earned dollars and my sanity. I am also worried about how SS12 will be when he hits puberty. Will he get violent?? SO doesn't like it, but he has the same concerns that I do so he kind of understands where I am coming from.
SS12 is on the autistic spectrum, but high functioning. He is OBSESSED with Minecraft, Zelda, screens in general. So much so that he was sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night, taking his family's electronics when his was taken away, NONSTOP acting out the games. SO cut him off from ALL screens, except TV. TV hasn't been an issue, strangely enough, it's just the video games.
The usual schedule is for the kids to be here during the week, then with BM and SF on weekends. They switched it up for the summer, so they are gone during the week and back home on weekends.
Both BM and SF work nights. So they sleep during the day and work at night and have little to no interaction with the kids. Not sure WHY they want the kids during the week when they never see them???
So a couple of weekends ago was their first weeekend back for the summer schedule. SO said that when he picked the kids up (Walmart parking lot), SS12 was running around the car like a crazy kid, dressed only in swim trunks, no shoes, "DADDADDADDADDADDAD guess what? I haven't slept! I played Zelda! WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
The next evening we planned on taking the kids to dinner then to see Finding Dory at the movies. GREAT movie BTW, very cute and pretty funny.
I was in SHOCK at dinner. He had completely regressed to about a 5 year old.....a very ill-behaved 5 year old at that. He apparently didn't sleep for about 36 hours (according to his sister). He looked all cracked out, DEEP dark purple circles under his eyes. Yelling out various noises and Zelda terms during dinner, GRABBING things off of other people's plates, it was AWFUL! It's really hard to explain unless you were there.....we were getting "the look" from other patrons, he knocked over his glass of water TWICE, we had to PHYSICALLY put his hands in his lap and make him be still.
I just looked at SO....WTF dude???? 1 week with BM and he regresses to THIS???!?!?!?!
We went to the movie, which was bearable cuz SS12 was entertained by the movie, I made SURE not to have to sit by him. I also would NOT go home with SO to spend the night as originally planned because SS12 was so out of control. Me being impatient and pissed off would not have helped the situation anyway.
SO had a "talk" with BM. This is NOT how this summer is going to go and if she can't get a grip on parenting during the week, the kids will just stay here.
The kids will be back this weekend....SO went to freshman orientation with SD18 so the 2 younger ones stayed with BM. So when they come back this weekend, it will be 2 WEEKS that they've been with BM.
Pop your popcorn ladies (and gents)! This weekend ought to be quite a ride.
- DarkStar's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Of course they want them
Of course they want them during the week for the summer! That way, they don't have to deal with the kids and they can pass them off to your SO on the weekend and have their weekends free to enjoy the summer!
There's no excuse for that sh1t. None. Your SO should have taken the kids home, no movie, and made SS go to bed. Instead, he rewarded him with a movie!
My kids and I play Zelda.
My kids and I play Zelda. For an hour. Every once in a while. Ocarina of TIme came out in the 90's and we might be in the middle of it. I can't imagine three straight hours much less 36!!!!!!!!! WOW! The like Minecraft too but again only for an hour here or there. Sounds like Potato and her Anime. It's like these kids can't have a little. They must crack out on it until what they enjoy must be taken away. I wouldn't move in with him either!
Hi Camper - Yes, I thought
Hi Camper - Yes, I thought about leaving, and my dinner was getting cold cuz I was sitting next to SS trying to keep him from flailing all over the restaurant....then I thought, "What the hell am I doing???"
I gave SO "the look" and said, "MY DINNER is getting cold." He snapped to attention and brought things back down to a mild roar.
I've gotten a lot better about understanding SS's behavior issues, it was just SUCH a shock to see him regress into this little feral beast after ONE week. And I can't imagine what a hurricane must have been going on in his tiny brain....his tics were OFF THE CHARTS so bad, his nails were bitten to the quick and his lips were raw and chapped.
You know kathc, I didn't think about punishing SS so much (although I was about ready to string him up by the time dinner was over) as much as I wanted to take BM to the woodshed. She's by no means as bad as the BMs here, she doesn't interfere at ALL with SO and I, but she is a LAZY BM and laziness in itself is so detrimental to a kid like SS. She KNOWS this and just plays dumb, "Oh, I didn't notice". BS you didn't notice.
I really don't think this will be any better this weekend. I am preparing to do my own thing at MY house.
Then eat my popcorn and see what SO does next.
I should add that this sh!t
I should add that this sh!t just breaks my heart because I CAN'T live like this, I WON'T live like this, and it's not getting ANY better as he gets older, it's getting worse in its own way.
I don't know if SS will EVER be self-aware enough to manage his behavior, and no combination of therapy and drugs can make that happen, at this point. And if that's true, he will never be able to live on his own and hold down a job. I've mentioned to SO about halfway houses and SS filing for disability if/when the time comes, but SO just shuts down and looks sad. It makes me sad, too.
I have a friend whose son has
I have a friend whose son has ODD and ADHD and is on the spectrum. She did get him on disability. Not only does she get money for therapies but he has an occupational and behavioral specialist who goes with him to some of his classes at school. I met her at his birthday party and she has made great, great strides. I know it makes him sad but he should listen to you about filing for disability for him. Honestly she teaches my friend more than she teaches the boy. Her parenting techniques for his diabilities are spot on and are showing great results. My friend would not have done any of her suggestions if left up to her own devices.
I had not heard about that
I had not heard about that drawback from filing for disability but my friend doesn't work at all and lives off of child support and the disability money she gets for her son. But indeed it is the behavioral specialist at the school that is really doing wonders for the boy. That is good to know about the doctor's letters to the school can get the same result without any drawbacks.
I differ with you here BIG
I differ with you here BIG TIME. There is no one answer. Filing for disability should NEVER be about the money. It's insulting to assume that a parent who files just wants the money. There are services that only go to those with a defined disability.
There are children unfortunately who will NEVER be able to live totally independently or even moderately independent without years and years and years of preparation. It is hard to make that work if you wait until 18. Some school districts may provide help - but many are so strapped that they are only giving lip service.
Autism is not necessarily one of those disabilities. No two autism children/adults are alike. The popular saying is "if you've met one person with autism - you've met ONE person with autism". Don't extrapolate that one person's experiences to others.
I have a friend who is a very high functioning autistic - he is a partner in a major law firm. He does not do trial work but he is brilliant at a desk. Another austistic person may not even be verbal. One woman I know lives in a group living environment. She has her own apartment but there is a life coach on the premises to help with issues. She would not be able to have these resources without the "label". And she needs them.
I believe in helping EVERYONE to achieve their fullest potential and using ALL resources available.
I am NOT saying that you should do this for your child. You know best what your child's needs are. I don't have a clue and never will. Please though just realize that some people really do need the extra resources - not the money but the real help. I don't think there even is money for a minor child when the parents are able to support the child - but I may be wrong there.
NoWire, you bring up a very
NoWire, you bring up a very good point that I forgot.....SO will NOT file for disability....stupid pride thing, but as you mention, it's so he CAN get this specialized teaching, even more than his IEP.
He needs a LOT of one-on-one attention. PERIOD. It's the only way to get him to focus and STAY focused.
I'm sure it all varies from state-to-state...I'll have to ask Google
I'd check with a lawyer in
I'd check with a lawyer in your state before I pursued getting SS on disability because there can be ramifications for your SO as well. In some places, a parent can be held liable to support a child for life if they are determined to be permanently disabled prior to a certain age. I'm not saying your SO won't want to help his kid regardless, but I wouldn't do anything that might make it official that he is on the hook for the rest of his life without checking with a lawyer.
Thank goodness you have your
Thank goodness you have your own place that you can escape too - I would say you needed it after all that!
Yeh if he can't sleep and gets to do poor things in BM house he can't go- no one should have to live with this