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SD17 still failing!!!!

DarkStar's picture

Been a LONG time steppers!!!! Read a lot, hardly post. Current situation….FDH is now DH as of this summer! It’s been 10 years in the making. Just the 2 of us, we managed to travel to a lovely beachy area in between major Covid outbreaks and have our wedding/honeymoon.
SD22 is engaged to her high school sweetheart, graduated cosmetology school and is working, but finishing up school this year and starting a new career was exceptionally hard because of the Covid so she is struggling, but getting along OK.
SS16 is on the autistic spectrum, but high functioning and is testing at or above grade level. He still has his IEP and has one-on-one assistance, but he has come a LONG way in the last year. He is in marching band now and has matured GREATLY. This should have been a great year for him in school….going into high school, but this Covid thing has screwed up school so much. For someone that really needs and thrives on routine and schedule, this has been a big challenge for him to focus and stay current on his schoolwork. But he’s doing OK. He’s being a teenagery butthead, but it’s kind of nice to be experiencing that kind of “normal” annoying behavior. I worried that he would ever be able to be at least semi-independent, but I have big hopes for him now.
And oh…..SD17. The golden sweet middle child who is now a sullen, angsty, lazy brat. She is in danger of not graduating from high school. I have been FREAKING out this school year on my DH…..lots of arguments and yelling…..but he has PROMISED that our original deal for kids in/after high school is still SOLID. So I am trying to back off, but it’s hard. This little girl has had every opportunity and privilege associated with living and going to school in a very nice upper-middle class surburbia type of environment. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not completely spoiled, but she has every gadget and electronic a teenager could want and more. She’s in a couple of extracurricular activities and DH was always supportive and we attended concerts and competitions and he drove her all over to her events and practices……She was a solid B student until her sophomore year, and then she just stopped caring. Now DH is just trying to make sure she graduates high school. I absolutely find him at fault for a lot of this…..letting her grades tank without really holding her accountable until it’s almost too late. BUT, we’re at the final lap of high school and I’m just focused on the finish line.
The rules for all kids in order to live at home is: 1. Attend and graduate high school 2. After high school, attend a secondary education or some type of trade training/certification full-time AND work part-time
If they do that, they can live at home for up to 2 years after high school in order to get an Associates degree or some other kind of certification and then they have the tools and education to move OUT on their own. Failure to do either 1 or 2 and you are out. Don’t care what you do, but you’re not living here!!! And, since I’m 10 years into this rodeo, I absolutely have a plan B and enough money to live separately, if it comes to that.
Last night, things came to a boiling point. She is still flunking a class that she needs to pass in order to graduate and she lied to both DH and BM about finishing and turning in a major project for this class. DH went OFF and yelled at his precious golden child and I had to leave the room in order to do my happy dance and giggle like a fool! Validation, you understand. Pure validation. At least for that moment. Of course, within an hour DH was raving about the teachers and school system and general messed up situation with the Covid being at fault. I had to stop him and remind him of what he was just yelling about for the past hour about personal accountability and responsibility. Of COURSE, the whole Covid thing has messed up the school year and has absolutely lowered the quality of their education in the meantime. As a general rule, I think online learning is not an acceptable substitute for in-school participation at the public school level. But, it’s the first global pandemic in our recent history and we’re all in the same bucket. Either you pull yourself up and carry on, or you can whine and carry on about how life isn’t fair and you need therapy or a pill to get your lazy a$$ out of bed and get to school!


advice.only2's picture

Congratulations on the marriage! I hope your SD gets her act together soon, is she depressed? Or did she just decide eff it she doesn't care anymore?

DarkStar's picture

I appreciate your response and concern, I really do. But, if one more person asks about her being depressed, I'm going to scream. I know it's our society as a whole that has jumped onto the I'mDepressedSoICan'tFunctionInLife bandwagon

That's part of the problem. All she needs to do is say she's depressed and POOF! There goes any personal responsibility.
Of course, when you ask her about why she isn't doing schoolwork or what's going on or if she is depressed or what, the response is always....."I don't know"

advice.only2's picture

Got it so she's just screwing off being a lazy teenager and BM and DH haven't made her life uncomfortable enough for her yet to get motivated.
So I guess if she doesn't graduate does her time start for the two years then? Or when/if she finally graduates?
My DH's Spawn barely graduated high school, hooks up with loser guys and is selling herself on I guess it could be worse lol.

DarkStar's picture

I read on here almost every day and thank my lucky stars that BM and DH are civil and that skids are healthy, drug and criminal background free!  For the time being anyhow.

It's just frustrating to see this smart young lady throwing her life away with whichever hand isn't clutched to her phone.

Harry's picture

Why care.  You did everything you can do.  She an almost adult.  She has to now live by her actions.  Doesn't finish high school.  Walmart,  Burger King. 
Only problem you can get is. BM pulls the after CS ends,  I can't control DD. Her BF had to handle it.  SD can not live with me anymore. 

DarkStar's picture

DH has had full custody of skids for the last 9 years.  Never wanted or asked for CS which I think is wrong, cuz it's about the skids, not about DH's fee-fees, but I can let that one go, it does not affect my finances which are separate.

I wish I didn't care.  I wish I had an off button so every lazy, entitled, selfish, annoying word and act just sailed over my head like a fart in the wind.  I have let go of so many many things.  I guess I need to let go of more!  I'm trying.  Some days more than others.

ntm's picture

They'll graduate her. Neither of my husband's daughters had grades to graduate, but they made up passing grades in the end and booted them out the door. Just breathe and stop worrying. Especially this year they're not going to not graduate someone. She's probably figured that out. 

JRI's picture

You are optimistic but sensible.  You've set some boundaries with DH.  You seem to like your SKs while seeing them realistically.   

Hoping for the best for you.  Often, things turn out better than we expect.  Good luck, lady!.

CLove's picture

Munchkin SD14 is being a lazy A$$. I get it - this distance learning thing sucks. But all they have to do is show up for a zoom class and then turn in assignments. ANYTHING will get them points. She was at the point where she was missing over 30 different assignments starting from October.

Shes only missing about 10 now, after I spent 2 weeks hounding her. Luckily she doesnt hate me yet. I refuse to support a kiddo that is not doing their work. Not even attempting it.