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Not me too!!!!!!!!

DarkStar's picture

I have always felt blessed that the BM in my life is generally not an issue. Oh sure, she neglects the hell out of the skids, can't manage her money, and is an overall loser, but she generally does not intrude on our relationship or my thoughts too often. Skids to go BMville every weekend, more like every other weekend lately.

SO and I are technically broken up, I gave him this year to fix his shit or I am OUT for good. We still "hang out" every week or two and talk or text almost every day.
BM works 2nd shift at a factory job and is horrible with managing her money. She announced last week that she was giving up her crappy 2 bedroom rental home and is moving in with her mother, who lives in a one bedroom apartment with cousin13, who just got out of a children's mental facility. So each weekend, the skids get to visit BM in a one bedroom apartment that will have 6 people in it. The skids are NOT happy about this. I have a feeling visits to BM will be getting fewer and fewer. She won't care, more bar time for her.

SD15 is going to prom. She's only a sophomore, but her BF is a junior. Last weekend, BM decided this was the perfect opportunity to be MOTY and insisted that the precious princess MUST have her hair and nails done, have an expensive dress with all the accessories, you get the idea. SD15 isn't really a girly girl, and could have cared less about this stuff, but BM got her all worked up about the things she just HAS to have. At first, SO was great, set the limits, put his foot down about what was going to be purchased and what was going to be spent, and if BM wants to pay for hair and nails, fine, but it's ALL on her. This really isn't SD's prom, anyway, she'll have 2 more when she is a junior and senior.
The shit kind of hit the fan last night cuz SD15 is trying to twist things around to suit BM, I mean SD. }:)
SO calls me wanting to know what he should do....BM is manipulating SD and getting everyone all worked up about this. Then he starts saying, "Well if BM wants to buy her a $300 dress, there's nothing really that I can do......"
And I saw RED as I saw his balls disappear into BMs Goach purse (that's a fake Coach purse). I hate hate hate when he does crap like this. There is nothing unsexier about a man than one who whines that he can't manage the women in his life, especially when one is a CHILD!!!

I said, "Yes, there is ABSOLUTELY something you can do. YOU are in charge. YOU have primary and physical custody. YOU are the one that takes care of the skids needs. If you set the rules and they are broken, then SD15 shouldn't go at all! Period.End.Dot. No arguing, no negotiating, no further explanation! SD knows the rules, if she uses BM as an excuse to break them, then no prom for her! Simple as that!"
Oh no, he can't put the pwecious pwincess in that position, she can't tell her mother NO, it's not fair to put her in the middle, yadda yadda.....OK, the girl is 15, not 5 and she damn well knows what she is doing, playing this game between the parents and it is up to YOU to put a stop to it!!!! I also told him that he needs to step up and lay down the rules, even if it means a confrontation, which SO always avoids at all costs, often to the detriment of the skids.
Then SO gets all pissy with me, "This is NOT the conversation I wanted to have." Boo hoo, cry me a river. I don't want to be with a balless wonder that caves everytime he has to wander out of his mental den of comfort. I want a MAN who STANDS UP and puts children and meddlesome ex-wives in their PLACE!!!!!

I told SO a few things afterwards when I had calmed down a bit.
1. I don't like the idea of this being the way things go for each special skid event. SD is only a sophomore and there are two younger skids not even in high school yet!!! That is a LOT of BM butting in deciding to play caring parent when she's absent the other 99% of the time.
2. BM should NOT be given free rein to play MOTY and do "fun" things while not being made to be responsible for any of the care or well-being of the skids. You know...all that annoying PARENTING stuff she never does **eyeroll**
3. If this is a sign of things to come, that is WAY more real estate that BM will take in our lives and in my mind and that is NOT OK.


DarkStar's picture

But that won't be the end of it. I KNOW how this will continue, I've seen it happen over and over.....

What about shoes? A purse? Accessories? A limo? Fancy dinner? BM may agree in the beginning to pay for it all, but her MO is to make promises and break them over and over. So when the time comes, and she doesn't have the money, SD will cry to DAAAAAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYYY to pay for everything because she was PROOOOOOOOMISED this stuff.
And SO will be the one that has to run all over town for the nails and hair and what not, all at the last minute guaranteed.

No, no, to the hell no. Need to nip this in the bud NOW

HappilySelfish679's picture

" And I saw RED as I saw his balls disappear into BMs Goach purse (that's a fake Coach purse) " wahahah - lololol.... best line of the day !!!

DarkStar's picture

Responding to sue2.....
I don't think SD really cares about getting a fancy dress, hair, makeup, and all that. She's not really a girly girl. SO was planning on getting her a dress, but BM has got her all worked up that she just HAS to have this stuff now. It's like SD's lips are moving, but BM is speaking.

I didn't explain it very well, but SO said he will spend $150 on a dress. He wants to pay for the dress so he has a say in what she wears. BM would have her all dolled up like a $2 hooker if she had her way. He doesn't want BM to buy the dress and he SURE doesn't want to set the precedent that $300 dresses are the only way to go.

Around here, it's junior and senior prom. SD is only going cuz BF is a junior. NONE of her friends are going to be there. That's what I mean about "not really her prom." Now when she is a junior or senior, yes, these are the high school events that are special and will get special treatment.
Of course, you couldn't respond without being snarky, I do not "resentfully don't want it to be special for her"
I want SO to stick to his guns and not let BM or SD guilt him into changing his mind, which will set a precedence for future bullshit to come.

As far as the other 2 kids go.....I just mean that this is just the beginning for special events for skids. SD15 is a sophomore, the 2 younger are in middle and elementary school. There are oodles of dances, proms, concerts, graduations, etc on the way and if this is any example of how future events are going to go, I am NOT OK with it.
BM is an absent mother. She pawns the skids off on anyone that will watch them and when she is stuck watching them, she locks herself in her bedroom and plays on her laptop. I do NOT want SO to let BM run the show when it comes to the "fun" stuff. SO works darn hard and does all the UN-fun stuff like homework, household duties, etc. He gets to run the show, not BM.

DarkStar's picture

I lived with my Dad at the time, so we went prom shopping together, and I got the most beautiful dress at a consignment shop. I did my own hair and makeup, no limo. It was more fun planning prom then actually going.

People are so crazy, over-the-top, now. It's like the amount of fun you have is directly proportional to the amount of money spent.

SD was totally fine going the cheaper route until BM decided to get involved. Go back to your cave, BM. Oh and yes, I will take SO's balls back for him, thankyouverramuch