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A bee is willing to end its life to cause you one hour of discomfort-- right now I can relate to that level of pettiness.

danielsj2's picture

Ok, as preface, BM's always been crazy.. like Gone Girl crazy.. so usually I just roll with it since I can't empathize with that level of insanity but it's getting harder and harder to hold my tongue.

Custody is as follows: BM is supposed to have both kids during the week and we get them Friday through Sunday's. However, she refuses to pay for daycare up where she lives (1 1/2 hours from us) so we have the 1 year old Wednesday through Sunday and the 6 year old Friday through Sunday. Yet DH still pays full child support even though we have the youngest on two of her days.

Here's the deal. BM has a new boyfriend; great, cool, good for you. BM decides that she is taking a week long romantic trip with aforementioned boyfriend to Europe. Ok, cool, do you boo boo. DH and I will take the kids for that week while she is away. We are even going to mash it into a "family vacation" by taking the kids to the beach for the week.

That brings us up to speed to this morning. DH is military. He has a mandatory assignment this week into the weekend that he notified BM of 4 months ago. There is no getting out of it.. its the government.. While DH is trying his best to be communicative and help her with child care since he will be gone, she calls screaming on a 20 min rant about how much she hates hm and her friends hate him and he better figure it out because and I quote "If I have to take off work to take them, we owe her double the money for child support next month." Last month she called him while we were in the car so I got to witness this spectacular display of child like antics and started screaming hysterically and cussing at DH because she was cut early on a shift and she can't pay for trash removal. How this was, in any way, our problem is beyond me. Like I said Cray Cray to the fullest.

My absolute astonishment is that this woman acts like she can't be inconvenienced taking care of her own offspring anymore. Both kids were violently ill two Fridays ago and she REFUSED to take off of work (she's a bartender) to take care of them on one of her days. We obviously took the kids to take care of them. I get she has a new BF and they are all atwitter about their new found romance.. but she doesn't get to stop being a mom just because she has a new man in her life. Her latest response when DH texted "Look I am trying to help you out with daycare for the two days you cannot get daycare.. you just need to take 5 minutes to work with me and iron out a plan" Her response " I don't care about your job, if you text me one more time about this Im going to cut you. Figure it out."

So I am sitting here going.. you may not care about his job, but that job is the ONLY reason your children have health insurance. The BEST insurance, because you can't provide that for them." At this point I want to take her to court and switch the custody around. Just to make a point. Our house has more stability and we don't party or do drugs... I think she cannot function without smoking weed.

Am I being super petty or should we take her to the cleaners. Im about to lose my mind on her. What can be done?

Comments

danielsj2's picture

Agreed... unfortunately they have a very "liberal" CO.. meaning they didn't nail out specifics like military orders and such. Which I said we should go back to court anyway to outline those details and holidays

danielsj2's picture

It did--thank you. Its a general CO.. 49/51. But we have the youngest more than she does cause she can't provide daycare. And is constantly asking or threatening for more money

2badsosad's picture

Grab a lawyer and go hash out the details. The same thing happened with my DH and his ex. Turns out he had a lot more rights than he thought. He was also paying for things he shouldn't have been paying. As long as you can prove he has the kids more she might actually get less money. Make sure if he's going to do it that he does it right--anticipated costs for EVERYTHING--clothing, extra curricular, camps, etc.

danielsj2's picture

Thank you. I genuinely think he has this stigma of being afraid to piss her off--it ramps up the crazy level. I try to tell him, yes she can fight in court but she has a criminal background, just got off probation for spitting on her newborn daughter, smokes weed every day, and is constantly leaving the kids with her dad on her days so she can go party.

danielsj2's picture

When they divorced they both did it without lawyers cause neither could afford fighting it. We can afford a lawyer now.. I think DH doesn't want to take the kids from her, even though we could provide more stability and a healthier environment, which I get cause she's their mom.

But I think we need to go back to court to outline specifics like holidays, actual days of the week each parent has, etc. i don't necessarily agree that we should be paying the entire sum of the money we do since we have the 1 year old 5 days a week AND pay for her daycare. I think that seems unfair since those are supposed to be her days and we still pay her the sum of money as if she had the youngest all the weekdays

simifan's picture

Just say no. If you can't work together, go back to the court order. Refuse to take the youngest on her days. DH has someone watch the kids the weekend he is unavailable. Do not pay for anything not court ordered. That will bite you inn the ass big time.