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dakotamom's picture

ok - so we were out with the skids last night to give ss17 some money for homecoming. his mother wouldnt' give him any. Dh to the rescue.

we then took ss15 adn ss17 to get colored hairspray for homecoming.ss15 wanted hairspray adn face paint. as we were leavign the store ss15 blurts out random crap as he always does about how bm said that he isn't old enough to hear about their divorce and all teh abuse.....WTF?!?!
2 questions: 1.what abuse?? DH says he never laid a hand on her EVER 2. in what fkn land is it ok to tell this shit to your children?!?! is this the start of PAS???

DH was pissed but shoved it away saying she's nuts. REALLY!!!!! he didn't say anything to his kids about her talking out of her ass, didn't say a word. I WOULD BE LIVID if someone was saying false alligations about me to my children!!!!
if he was so terrible - why does he have access to his children?? why has he never been to jail??? why is there no record of this supposed abuse???

oh i just want to kick her in her teeth!!!!


Lilly's picture

I would have your DH contact BM and let her know this will not be tolerated. The skids are 15 and 17? I think that they are old enought to sit down and have a heart to heart with DH
Let them ask DH anyhting they want. He has nothing to hide and they are old enough to understand. Let him explain the divorce to them and set the record straight.

Its awful for BM to fill the kids head up with stories. She is playing head games.

dakotamom's picture

i just dont understand why she would be saying this stuff - where does this conversation just pop up?!?!
why was DH not setting the record straight right there?!?!

DH has never had his child support raised in 10 years - that's the only decent thing this woman seems to have done. i think he's afraid if he pushes her in any way she'll take him to court and get more. she's not deserving of those children. i dont want them, but she doesnt' deserve them.

dakotamom's picture

i'm not having ANY sort of conversation with her. she's not saying things about me - well he hasnt' repeated anything within my hearing anyway....
she's slamming DH so he can deal with it if he wants to, i just dont understand why he didnt say anything to them about it. i know he heard ss15 say it.
i'm not saying anything to the kids about it. we had our conversation about it after we dropped the skids back off.

dakotamom's picture

so in your opinion...should i bring this back up to DH?? i've got so many questions about why he did NOTHING....

dakotamom's picture

it's nothing I'm mad about so it'll be a totally calm conversation and if he says drop it i will. and i'd ask him before asking the kids what was said. the last thing i want is for him to find out i asked his kids about somethign in the other house. we generally try to keep the mindset "what happens there stays there" because they would always be talking we did this or that and it would go on and on and on all weekend. Dh and i were just bored to dealt of the ss15 talking nonstop. so we envoked that rule unless it was something important. just general happenings were to be kept to themselves.
i just want to know most of all why did he say nothing to defend/explain to them the comment about abusing their mother?

dakotamom's picture

you're right - i only have his word.
he has never laid a hand on me, i've never see him lay a hand on anyone.

i dont understand where this is an appropriate conversation to have with your children.....why would she bring this up to them??? especially if it is a lie?!?1 where does this make her the better mom???? is there a lesson she's trying to teach them????

Dh will NEVER confront her on it. he hates her, probably for reasons like this.

TheBrightSide's picture

Sit the SSs down with DH (or maybe DH should do this on his own) and ask them "Do either of you have ANY questions about my marriage to your mother and why we split? I will answer any questions you have in all honesty"). They are 15 and 17. They are old enough to hear the truth. I.E: we grew apart, yadda yadda....

dakotamom's picture

so do i stay out completely or do i tell skids to talk to their dad if they have questions????
i thought about sending a text to ss17 askign him about the convo bm had to get more info about it.

theyve been divorced 10 years - is it her not letting go or the skids????
both are remarried - she's even had another kid....

Elizabeth's picture

No, you're right, this is not appropriate, but I'm not sure there's anything you can do about it. When SD was only 5 BM took it upon herself to tell SD that the reason she and DH got divorced was "Your dad was sleeping with too many other women." What?! First of all, even if that WAS the case, a 5-year-old doesn't need to know. Second of all, as far as I know and as far as DH says, that was NOT the case. So, despite the fact that it made BM feel better about herself, I don't think it did anyone else in the situation any good.

hismineandours's picture

Maybe she is trying to say that he mentally or emotionally abused her. It may not be actual physical abuse that she is talking about. My favorite line I have always used with ss when it comes to bm tales is, "Oh, you must have misunderstood bm-I know she's too nice to say anything like that" At 12, he knows that bm is NOT nice to me-I think really he is just trying to stir the pot, so I never respond. Could your skids be stirring the pot? If I was your dh I would want to talk to the kids and see what she is telling them or at least tell him his version of why they brokeup (appropriate to them of course)-such as "we loved you guys but just couldnt get along" or some sort of general statement.

Willow2010's picture

i've got so many questions about why he did NOTHING....
this would send up a big flag for me! If it is not true, then why not say that. Why is he ok with his kid thinking he abused his mom?!?!

And I almost guarantee that SS was expecting and wanting DH to defend himself and when DH didn't, SS went home just KNOWING that his dad abused his mom.

I would talk to DH and find out why.

dakotamom's picture

i talked to DH briefly for lunch and threw in there if he was going to talk more to ss15 about what he brought up last night...he asked what i was talking about...i reminded him about the abuse. he said that it's stupid to talk about. he said that the kids have never seen any of this supposed abuse, they've never brought it up before and if ss15 was really curious about something he would have asked directly not a "bm mentioned this". he said that she's made up stories before and they know that. he said look at all the diseases she self diagnosis them with...he said same thing to make herself look important or informed like she's been through everything.
i said ok and just noted that i thought it was odd for him to randomly blurt out and even more so a very inappropriate conversation for her to have with them. he agreed and said that he would talk with them about it if it was brought up again.