WWYD. Would you tell BM?
SD, age 15. has found a way to buy herself a cell phone. I am assuming that she has stolen one of her mother's credit cards, AGAIN. SD has been busted a few times with child molesters online and sexting other high school boys when she uses BM's phone.
DH received a text message from SD saying this is my new cell phone number. DH says that BM will find out about it soon and that he doesn't really want to stir up a hornets nest.
Because of SD's behavior, I think BM should be informed only because of SD's safety.
Would you tell BM or let BM find out herself?
Edited to add. BM has Sole Custody of SD. DH only sees SD whenever BM and DH can decide on a time. Mostly DH sees here one day a weekend and a full week or so in the summer.
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Comments
Yes, her mom deserves and
Yes, her mom deserves and needs to know. I would be pretty disgusted with any parent who is more worried about their ex's reaction than their child's safety.
Your husband should tell BM.
Your husband should tell BM. If he refuses to look out for the safety of his child because he wants to avoid an argument his worth would go down a few notches in my book and I would tell him so.
What about texting BM
What about texting BM something like "Hey, I wanted to surprise SD with a phone case for her new phone. What model is it?"
If BM doesn't know what is going on she will fast and worst case scenario you get a cheap phone case or pop socket on amazon.
I like this tactic.
I like this tactic.
I would not get involved with
I would not get involved with this. Make a exit with this stuff. Let her find out on her own.
It’s up to DH to make this
It’s up to DH to make this parenting decision. He knows about the phone, he can decide how much he cares about it. YOU cannot care more than him or you will drive yourself crazy.
Yeah, dh has an obligation to
Yeah, dh has an obligation to tell bm.
IF the teen stole from bm, I hope bm calls the police.
BM has sole custody? Isnt there visitation order. Even crack heads have a visitation order.
There visitation order is
There visitation order is based on the two of them agreeing whenever it happens. Dh was not the smartest man on earth when he agreed to sign the order. He gave her full custody and he fell for BM's lies. Dh said he didn't want to fight in court. :? SD hasn't wanted to come to our house for awhile and now with all of SD's false accusations of rape and false child abuse charges on BM (again), I do not allow SD in my house. It is a very long story.
Listen, I'm not trying to be
Listen, I'm not trying to be a jerk here. But what is the point of telling BM? Because you think SD should be "protected" some how? If you rarely see her and she isn't even allowed in your house, there is not a whole heck of a lot you or your DH are going to do as far as preventing her from doing crap she shouldn't be doing. Let it go. Let whatever happens, happen. You're banging your head against a brick wall otherwise.
Yes, of course you tell
Yes, of course you tell BM.
Otherwise you are part of the problem allowing SD to once again do whatever she wants, possible illegal things, with no repercussions.
I’d let BM find out on her
I’d let BM find out on her own.
In this situation as the
In this situation as the child is a danger to herself I would notify her mother ... BM, FYI SD has given DH a new cell number.
The thing is do we allow this to play out as we think it should or do we do the right thing and cut off yet another predator from his source? OK so this BM and SD are a hot mess appetizer and main. I get it. But those sexual predators are worse, far worse. And saving one child who can do whatever she wants 3 yrs time is worth it. I would do it in a flash.
DH had sort of the same thing when OSS was doing drugs and getting drunk all underage. DH told his ex and she chose not to believe him. OSS was not coming around to our home as we had rules and BM was the primary parent. It was a sad few years but OSS paid the price in drug court and is leading a productive successful life. It is a shame he is about 5 yrs behind his high school class mates because of his drinking/drug days. But DH told BM and she did nothing.