It has been an interesting weekend with SD AGAIN
Friday afternoon, DH gets a call from BM. He is unable to take the call because he is in a meeting at work. BM wants DH to pick SD age 15 up from school. SD has been suspended AGAIN. (SD was yelling and cursing at a teacher) By the time dh, got the message school was over and BM picked up SD.
After they were home, things escalated between BM and SD. BM text DH on his commute home from work to tell him he needs to come over NOW and calm down SD. She text back about 10 minutes later to inform the police had been called. DH doesn't get either text until he is home. DH has an hour 1/2 commute home.
It seems that SD threatened to kill herself (AGAIN) because BM was going to punish her because of the suspension. SD also hit BM (AGAIN). BM found out that SD used her credit card(AGAIN) to purchase over $300 worth of electronics from Amazon. BM called the police. SD is in the psych unit of the hospital (AGAIN). She will be there for at least the next 5 days. It cost about 10,000 each visit for her. BM has a restraining order on SD. The order states that they can see each other but SD isn't to hit BM (eyeroll). This isn't going to stop SD.
BM has tried unsuccessfully to get help for SD. BM offered to have SD live with DH and I. I shot that down. SD is out of control and I am not bringing that &$%% into my home. SD likes to lie about being raped and call social services on BM. There is NO way she is coming into this house. My 20 year old son who has high-functioning autism lives her while he is going to college. I also work from home. There is no way that I would put BS or myself into that situation. SD has BM and her sisters walking on eggshells. I WILL NOT do that in my home. BM is hoping that she can get SD into a group home (AGAIN). SD is so out of control, she was kicked out of the group home. SD threatened to stab another child that was there and the staff found scissors in SD's room.
I am not sure if anyone can help this child. I tried to tell both of her parents when she was 7 years old that they needed to start disciplining her or they would have %%%$ to pay later but they did not listen.
BM said she was pressing charges against SD for hitting and stealing her credit card. It will be interesting to see what is going to happen now.
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Sometimes the structure of
Sometimes the structure of residential schools is best in situations like these. Children that have these issues quickly burn out the people around them which isn't good for anyone. I would see if that's an option after hospitalization and then work with the therapists/social workers to help SD re-enter her home in a step by step way.
What does your DH say about
What does your DH say about all of this? Does he have a plan to help SD to get her life together?
DH has tried to work with BM
DH has tried to work with BM but BM makes all the decisions. BM has sole custody of SD (Long story, I told DH that I wished he would have used his own lawyer instead of BM's lawyer for Joint custody). DH can express what he would like but if BM isn't on board, then he really can't do anything. The past few times that DH has went to BM's house to try to calm SD, it doesn't work.
DH understands why I can't have SD here. I have suggested that DH move in with his mother and get custody of SD. DH doesn't want to do that. DH's mother is in another state and she isn't doing well health wise now. We do not have the funds to support 2 households.
DH is on board with her going to a group home but is very concerned that it will not work.
I was just going to ask if
I was just going to ask if this was something new or if it had been going on for a while and then I read that SD started acting the fool at age 7 and nobody checked her. Well there ya have it. Seriously all the guilty daddies and crappy BMs that we hear about here with small children running the home, need to read this because this is what happens when the kid becomes a teenager.
Glad that you are holding strong in not allowing her to come to your home. That will change nothing.. other than her location. I feel like this is the making of an episode of Dateline where this gal is going to hurt somebody badly someday.. but nobody will be shocked and her next "group home" will be prison.
Has she been tested for
Has she been tested for schizophrenia and other physiatrict disorders.
This doesn’t sound like it’s only a parenting or discipline problem. This sound like its much more serious than that.
I have no advice, just wishing you well and hoping that this girl gets the help she needs and that it doesn’t destroy your families.
She was tested for
She was tested for Schizophrenia about a year ago. She has Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Basically, she has extreme anger issues. She also has been diagnosed with anxiety. She is in counseling and is seeing a psychiatrist.
Please consider a functional
Please consider a functional medicine doc to review her neurotransmitters via an organic acids test....I realize that many times this behavior can be lack of discipline but this sounds much more than that...
I had to look through
I had to look through numerous emails from BM to verify but she has already been reviewed for the neurotransmitters about a year ago. BM has taken her to so many specialist. I admire BM because she realizes there is a problem and she is trying to find some help for SD.
BM and DH do practice bad parenting. If DH picked up SD on Friday when she was suspended from school, he would have taken her out to eat and to a movie. BM tries to discipline but she isn't very good at following through with the discipline.
I am not trying to say that there isn't anything mentally wrong with her. I think it is a combination of the two.