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Here we go again

Daisymazy2's picture

SD, 17, calls DH yesterday at work.  She needs to see him because she is SOOOOO UPPPPSEEET.  She wouldn't tell him why over the phone.  DH goes to see her after work.  She is upset because BM has accused her of stealing her debit card.  BM couldn't find the debit card so she blamed SD.  Keep in mind BM accused her of stealing it because she has stolen in MULTIPLE times in the past.  When DH told me, I don't realize my eyes could roll back in my head that far.  SD said she didn't steal the card THIS time.  I had to remind DH trust is something that is EARNED.

I was reading another post stating that her SD manipulates her DH whenever he visits her away from the house. I finally realized that SD is doing the same with DH.  She doesn't visit her at my house and I rarely see her.  She visits DH outside of the house.

 Whenever SD is with DH,  she keeps bringing up a past incident where social services was called and Dh and I were investigated.  She keeps telling her dad that it was my fault social services was called or that I called social services.   DH is not falling for it or so he says.  There are times he visits with her and he comes back moody.  I am almost certain that she is trying her best to break us up by manipulating him.  DH would never admit to that.  He keeps telling me that SD must be hearing the information from BM.  I can't imagine BM talking about this incident over and over again.  Social Services has been called on BM multiple times.  I can't believe that BM is really concerned that DH and I were investigated once.  

For a little over a year now, DH has been mentioning the same incident every time he visits her.  

Comments

advice.only2's picture

Toxic people often fixate on one incident and push that incident to fuel their agenda. It sounds like this is what SD is doing, should your DH bring it up yet again after visiting with her I would comment: "Oh she's still beating that dead horse, well I guess since she has nothing else to complain about me about, this is the only thing she can continue to re-use for her agenda." and leave it at that.

Daisymazy2's picture

I have mentioned why is she continuing to be a dead horse.  I am just need to add the additional.  

Evil3's picture

I agree with advice.only2 that your SD is fanning the flames. Toxic people do that. They repeat something negative and use the broken record method and repeat it over and over again. They also magnify whatever it is they're saying. I think advice.only2 makes a good suggestion to mention to your DH that your sd is still beating a dead horse and that if that's all she can come up with about you, you'll take it. I often use that line about, "if that's the worst So-and-So can come up with about me, I'll take it!" and it shuts things down. It gets the other person who hears it thinking too.

Simpleton21's picture

My DH always believes my SD's lies too.  Even though it has been proven time and time again that she lies.  He always thinks she is innocent and has no reason not to believe her.  Well, gee, I don't know maybe because she has a known pattern of lying about things and manipulating situations. 

Of course he wants to blame BM for the fact that SD keeps bringing up stuff he couldn't possibly admit that his precious is the problem.  In my case BM does feed a lot of BS into SD but SD has also learned how to manipulate the homes because of it and knows what she is doing at her age.  At 17 your SD also knows what she is doing. 

This won't stop until your DH stops feeding into it or listening to it.  I mean isn't he over hearing the same crap??!  I like the suggestions above.  Let the dead horse lie.  I would probably cut him off when he started talking about it and say something like, "let me guess SD brought up CPS again, still not over...I am though so you don't need to relay it anymore!".