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DH upset with me....

daisy0202's picture

So worked late last night and when I got home didnt want to hear about SD's shit.....

Got home at 8pm from work. It was my first day back from vacation so it was crazy!!! When i finally got home at 8:30 the last thing I wanted to hear was the drama that was going on for SD. DH started talking and right in the middle of him talking I stopped him....and explained my status...

Me: DH I can not hear this right now. I have had a hell of a day. First day back from vacation and just can not deal with this right now nor do i want to. I need to just chill, relax, unwind, and frankly dont want to start this already. There is always some kind of bullshit and I just dont give a shit anymore. I am sorry but i just can't

DH: :jawdrop: what you go on vacation and just dont care about SD anymore.

Me: No DH that is not it I just can not deal with her drama anymore and I am not doing it. I had 9 days of no drama at all and I had a teenager with me. This shows me peace can happen and before I loose my mind with this shit I am just not dealing with all this garbage again. You need to deal with it she is your daughter. But I am at the end of the rope and need to just back up a little before I loose my mind.

DH: What does that mean exactly.

Me: It means I am not listening to drama, bullshit, if it is not life and death I really dont want to hear it. She is fed, she has a roof over her head, I do her laundry, cook for her, she is safe with us, this crying and acting like a 6 year old is absoluately ridiculous and I am not loosing my mind over this anymore.....I am sorry i love you but i cant deal anymore....It is never ending...

DH: I know its alot but I need you to be patient....You need to do that for me.

Me: For you, I do everything for you..OMG what else do i need to do....I am doing this as soon as I get back, I am tired and this discussion is over...

So my question to everyone is....why the hell are we always the ones who have to be patient, and why are we the ones who have to deal with drama when it never comes from our own children...My both boys are from a divorced family and there not like this...I DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT!!!! WTF people...I go out of my way for this brat and the thanks I get is always a slap in the face...I am DONE!!!!! Why doesnt DH see this??????


Helena.Handbasket's picture

Why? Because they expect that since we've given so much we have to keep giving.

No you don't have to do it. I had this exact talk with SO. Pissed him off. Me- Why is there always some drama with her. I'm so tired of it. He thought the same thing. I'm supposed to just hear it out for him.

Nope. I don't do the direct thing anymore. However, my subject changing and stock answer of "That must be so frustrating for you" has given him the hint. I don't hear much anymore.

I really empathize with you. Just redirect or leave the room and do your thing. He'll get over it.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

YEP! I also do the reverse, I keep my expectations low of others. It make me more self sufficient.

Helena.Handbasket's picture


Same goes for my SO at times too. I prioritize you where you prioritize me.

bi's picture

i could have written the gist of this myself. why is it ok for sd to be a total and complete asshole to me, but i'm supposed to just suck it up and accept that treatment because "i'm the adult"? as an adult, isn't it my place to teach a kid how to behave? i guess not. i hate how if it's my kid being an ass, getting on her about it is not only acceptable, but expected. but when it's his asshole, i'm supposed to just take it with a grain of salt. i don't fg think so. i'm not accepting atrocious behavior out of anyone, i don't care whose "child" they are!

cant win for losin's picture


You say:

"I have had a hell of a day. First day back from vacation and just can not deal with this right now nor do i want to. I need to just chill, relax, unwind, and frankly dont want to start this already. There is always some kind of bullshit and I just dont give a shit anymore. I am sorry but i just can't"

And all he pulls out of that is that you come back and don't like SD anymore? He heard NOTHING about the part of "hell of a day, first day back, just need to chill, relax, etc...."

IMO, that is PROOF of statment that these guilty dad's think it is ALL about the SKIDS.

It sickens me sometimes, literally. I can physically feel it in my stomach!

daisy0202's picture

It is ridiculous.....My children are 21 and 14 and neither one acts like this....So DH has no clue what it is like...Should tell my 14 year old hey act like a 6 year old....he would look at me and say mom you need help!!! LOL

B22S22's picture

You know.... you may be on to something there. I have put up with such crap from my SK's without any (or hardly any) intervention from my DH. I also have 2 kids who certainly do not treat DH the way SK's treat me. If you look at some of my old blogs, maybe 6 weeks to 2 months ago maybe, I talked about how for whatever reason my DD decided to play my DH the way his SK's play me.

DH didn't like it. Not one bit.

I nicely pointed out that what she did was in no way, shape, or form any different from the stuff I've put up with for over SIX FREAKING YEARS. One time. She did it one time. For the love of all that's unholy, GET OVER IT and bask in how "good" it feels to be treated like that by some snot-nosed teenager.

so, maybe your DH needs to get a dose of whiney, drama-riddled teen from someone who's not his kid??

whatwasithinkin's picture

my husband lives under the rock of, if we ignore it it will just go away. I would love for him to be the first to bring up SD bullshit, but instead he just ignores the issues. Not sure what is worse. But I am regretting remarrying today...not a good day.

imthewife's picture

I really love how her problems get turned on you.

Obviously your DH is the one who needs some serious help here. He seems to have made it very clear that you need to be around for him to vent to. Sorry, that is NOT what a second wife is for.

And really...take it with a grain of salt. I think that comment about you not caring about SD anymore is is the "STANDARD BOOK OF BS COMMENTS FOR DHs"...

You will ALWAYS be accused of cutting her off, hating her, not caring about her...whatever. You will never win. It sucks...but I am living this with a SD who is 19. I am so over hearing about "what SD wants, needs, etc. etc..."

I think you are in a great place and really hold the cards in this situation, though...use 'em...(great job, great boys, YOUR house...)

hippiegirl's picture

DH likes to use the old "well he had a rough childhood" crap whenever his ex wife's kid throws a tantrum (he's 24). Give me a break! Alot of other people had rough childhoods too and they don't pull knives on people and punch holes in MY wall. LOL! I think all DH's live under the same rock! He makes me feel like an anal b!tch because I notice the bad behavior. I get accused of "picking on him". WTF?