How is fresh air a punishment?
This week has been beautiful, so every day we have been outside fixing up the house, cleaning up the yard, and getting ready to plant in the garden. This morning DH gets an e-mail from BM that says, "If you are going to punish the kids at least tell them why they are punished!!!". Since when is being outside in the bright yellow sun a punishment? Apparently SD11 sent her mother an e-mail, and told her that her and SS14 have been punished the whole March break. So DH writes her back and simply wrote, "We've spent the week outside with the kids, not sure how that is punishment, but ok".
When I was 11/14 I was never inside at all, and we just moved into a neighbourhood with ooddes of kids outside playing, and neither of my kids want to go out there with them. I've even offered to go and pick up their friends, and the response I get is, "Do we have to go outside?" WTH?! I love the fresh air, I loved helping my dad build a shed, or my mom garden, these kids would rather play an on-line gardening game, then really garden!
Yesterday DH took the kids to a Navy exibit, and on Tuesday he took them on a nature walk (my chubby prego butt can't keep up the walking bit). How is this punishment?! I know I am not alone here, does anyone know how to break their kids of this cycle?
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She was probably just under
She was probably just under the assumption that they were being punished based on what the kids told her. The conversation probably went something like this...
Skids: Mommy, Daddy made us go outside to work, I guess we're being punished. (work = punishment in the eyes of playful kids)
Mom: What did you get in trouble for?
Skids: I don't knoooooow???
As for breaking the cycle? You can't *make* anyone interested in something their not. My daughter hates to do any kind of manual labor, but my Son loves it. It's just their personality. However, just b/c one of them doesn't like it, doesn't mean they aren't required to go outside and help us around the house. We don't allow the kids to stay inside on video games all day long, they are told to get outside and play or help whether they like it or not.
ETA: Also, the skids aren't allowed to call or text their Mom to "tattle" - so when they do that, that warrants punishment in our home. If the kids emailed their Mom with this, I would check the emails to see exactly what the kids said.
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BM forwarded me the e-mail
BM forwarded me the e-mail (she pretends to like me), SD11 just told her the week has sucked because they have been punished all week. From reading peoples info on here, I have learned that a good 85% of BM's are nuts and to not worry about what they think hehe. But whenever I send her an e-mail and say, "We need to be on the same page" she agrees and tells me everything she knows, which I give her credit for.
That's the thing we gave them the option either help us with the yard/shed or go play, and they stayed around us. I even told them if they want to take their books and go lay in the shade and read that is fine, as long as they are getting fresh air, I think it is fine. Both of my Skids LOVE to read, they literally go through 3 books at least a week. So it isn't like we say get outside and move that pile of rocks to that side of the fence and when you are done move it back hehe, that is how the kids see it though. And the worst part is I have been spoiling them rotten this week with food, I make a big yummy breakfast and tell them that since they are "working" they need to remain strong. Neither of us had a clue they thought it was punishment? We are going to sit down with SD11 later and see why she thinks this, she has a lying problem, so it could go anyway. I asked SS14, and he said he just wants to lay in his room and play on the comuter, so we know he is honest.
OH OH OH and the "tattle" thing that you spoke of, annoyed me, my DH said it doesn't bother him, he said he can't stop her from talking to her mom, and she would just tell her when she got home anyway. But I agree with you, I think something should be said about talking to us first. I'll have to talk to him about it and get a better grasp on his thoughts.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.
I gotta admit to not liking
I gotta admit to not liking the outdoors very much. Mainly because where we are there are snakes and huge spiders and stuff that is pretty darned scarey, you can't even swim at the beaches here because there are jelly-fish that regularly kill people (and they are so small that more often than not you don't know they are there until it's too late!). That said we still play with my son outside in the backyard and take him to parks and stuff because it's good for him. I guess it's just a personality thing.
That said yeah I would be a little ticked at my son tattling about being punished at his Dads. Usually he will try to tattle on my DP if he is punished for doing something. I've learned to ask what he did to deserve the punishment before commenting further.
The BM in your situation seems pretty balanced and like she genuinely wants to help, maybe you guys could take advantage of that and open the lines of communication a little wider?
Hubbys kids dont go out
Hubbys kids dont go out either, they would rather sit on the computer or in front of the tv. There is a boy who is 12 who lives underneath us (we have a flat as the bottom floor of our house) but they say he is boring. They just dont go out, only to kung fu with their father so they are always there. nightmare.
Personally if I were you, I
Personally if I were you, I would have LET them stay inside and you and your hubby outside! result! you get time together! but they probably wouldnt have liked that either, that would have been "they ignored us all week". Poor you having them for a whole holiday....
Yes we have oodles of
Yes we have oodles of neighbourhood kids here, they just don't want to make friends. Ironically they are punished today and both are outside, but today they are doing real work, SS14 is building a trash box and SD11 is raking up rocks (long story on that) (I think my husband just gave them busy work).
Well my DH complains that I never get the kids involoved, so I figured what 11 year old girl wouldn't want to help plant a garden, she always says how much she loves her rose bushes at home, that SHE planted... And well the boy I know 14 year olds don't want to do anything, but he and his pseudogirlfriend broke up this week, so I thought some fresh air and time with dad would cheer him up (DH is one of the funniest people I know).
This week with them actually was not as gut wrenching as it normally is, I know the DH and I spent a lot of time alone (Doctor's apts), and I think he noticed it too. And the kids were actually really good, sans the tattling and complaining (which she said she never did, even when we told her about the e-mail, she said her mom is lying...) But now we have almost a month without them, since I am going to have the baby any day now, their mom agreed to have them until a week or so after the baby is born, so that my house doesn't get any messier then it is now hehe.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.
wow that is great that you
wow that is great that you get some time just you, hubby and the new baby. And good luck for the birth!!!
I will never forget or forgive hubby for not giving me the 2 weeks with him before our daughter was born. Its one of those moments you will never forget either, its still painful! But I think their mother would do the same - take the kids for a bit longer, if I had another but I dont know if I will have anymore as our situation is so stressful and tailored to the needs of them, particularly ss9. But I would like to one day. Their mother has been good about having them for longer when we ask like when I was depressed because they were too much with the fighting etc. And with the solution of only having 1 at a time.
I am so tired since giving up smoking, having a hard time formulating my thoughts so sorry if my posts are confusing! haha
I feel ya there. I have 2
I feel ya there. I have 2 daughter's of my own that are very active and on a nice day you can't keep them in the house. Then I have BF's daughter who si 12 weighs about 150lbs because all she wants to do is sit on the couch and play video games and watch tv. When the weather got nice my kid's ask her to go to the park and I tell her you need to get off the couch and get some fresh air, go make some friends have fun. Instantly I am the anti-christ. How dare I ask such a thing of her like going outside to play. What was I thinking. LOL....
Lol, good, I am not the only
Lol, good, I am not the only spawn of Satan! My sd is 11 and will be 12 in a week, she is a little more then 150 pounds, she weights 30+ more then her 14 year old brother. She throws her weight around too, like she threatens to "Sit" on people if they don't do what she says. Before she left the house to go to the playground my husband checked her pockets, she hid her nintendo DS in her sweater and had a bag of candy (she must have brought it from home, I'm pregnant, and no candy leaves my sight lol). He didn't tell me about that, so that is why she told her mom she was punished, because he took the DS and candy from her when she went to the playground. Ah kids, it is good to watch my DH and BM and learn from their mistakes!
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.