Graduation Party with His Ex-wife?
My boyfriend is discussing with his ex-wife about having a graduation party together for their son. I am new to the family -- all of his extended family seem to really like me (said love me). We've been together just about a year. My boyfriend and his ex don't get along very well. Well, they get along as long as she always gets her way. Otherwise she screams at him and treats him terribly. I suggested we have separate graduation party's ... one with my boyfriend's family and sons, and his ex can have her own. He's telling me that he feels that it would be best for their son if it appeared they were getting along for this one day of his graduation party, and since he doesn't have as much money as she does -- it is best to have it together with her. I feel like they are being deceitful towards their son in pretending like they are getting along, and it would work best if there were two graduation parties. Any help out there?
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Errrr
I hate to say it, but one party for graduation and the parents getting along would probably make the kid happy. I know. I feel for you. I would cringe, too. But it's for the kid. He might like a picture of the 3 of them together, too and I'm sure you won't like that either. Just smile and wave. You will appear gracious.
Same situation here -
Same situation here - exception I was not even allowed to attend the party. I've been with my boyfried for 10+ years - and his ex still rules the show. His family tolerates her for this kids - but if there is a joint function like a graduation - I'm not invited. His family loves me, we get along great, take vacations together even. But when it comes to her - no one will stand up to her. And the worst thing is they have 2 daughters together, the youngest (16) is learning her mothers traits and is become extremely rude to me and excluding me (won't agree to do things if I'm included) and he feels he has no choice but to go along with her demands. Not sure if there's a solution or any hope.
other hard part
the other hard part is the graduation party is going to be at her new house. The house she just had built with the divorce money from two years ago. He gave her the house in full. He said because he didn't want to look like a bad father. But financially he is hurting now...or we are hurting. I pay more of the bills than he does, as I help him pay his son's medical bills. I know it was his choice to give her the house. He is going to help her cook for the party. It is just an awkward situation. As far as I know, I'll be invited. It would probably be easiest if I wasn't invited!
Graduation Party
I totally disagree, the child has to adjust to divorce and your bf needs to cut the ties to his ex. We had separate everything, and dh and I planned things together. She had her family, friends, ect. at hers and it kept the peace while at the same time enforcing that theres no dad and ex together anymore. If dh goes you also go because your automatically invited as his so.
But this sounds like the beginning of your relationship so how about talking to bf about changing things if theres to be a future. If your ok with it by all means, but a lot of woman would not put up with that. Just my 2 cents, so good luck.
For Reals?
A year is long enough, I would say absolutely No. If he wants to do all that theres the big red flag for you. Have a heart to heart talk and let him know you both can have a small celebration of your own.
hmmm...
By helping her cook, do you mean at her house? Because that would be a little weird, especially if they don't get along. If this is the case, I would arrange to cook his portion in your home, and you guys can bring it to the party...it even gives you guys a chance to do something together. Just some thoughts.
I Agree
Nothing wrong with cooking stuff in your own home and bringing it. Go to Chick Fila or someplace and bring a tray of food..etc.
Maybe it's too late for this, but...
Maybe it's too late to change the plans, but why couldn't it be at a neutral setting? When I graduated from college, my mom and step-dad and dad and step-mom all attended the graduation party and it was fine, but it was actually at my friends' house. We combined with 4 other families and had a giant barbecue in the yard and it was really nice because my 4 parents really didn't have to interact much with each other at all and one set didn't have to feel awkward on another set's "turf".
Could you suggest a combined graduation party at another setting? I know it can get expensive to go to a restaurant or rent a hall, but maybe if you combined with another friend somehow? I don't know. Just putting my thoughts out there. Our situation worked out perfectly and I'm hoping you can work something out similar!
I'm going to be
facing the same problem in a couple of months. My BF ex is having the party also and she wants him to be there, like one big happy family to show a united front for the kids. My therapist said you must always think of it in the kids perspective, "if it is best for the kids, grin and do it". And in this case, I think it would probably be best for his daughter, but you be there the whole time..right by his side. You help him cook! You will find there will be more and more of these family things that will be coming your way...graduations, weddings, christenings, these are just some of the things we have to get use to.
V
I am having a similar issue.
I am having a similar issue. My boyfriend of 1.5 years and his ex get along fairly well, and I've met her and we are amicable with each other, and I am part of the kids lives as well. So it surprised me when she said she doesn't "feel comfortable" having me at her son's graduation party this Saturday (which is at the marital house, where she still lives with the kids.) My BF wanted to take a stand but I wouldn't have it. In the end it is not about me! It is about his son having a graduation party where there is no conflict or drama, and I am certainly not about to create it. Which is not to say that it doesn't hurt me to a degree, but ultimately I feel that the ex is making herself look petty. The only thing we can do in these situations, in my opinion, is keep our mouths shut and act like ladies!
I agree with
I agree with Fearless.
Sometimes, you have to put your feelings aside and take that arduous high road. Go to the party, look your best, act your best and know that you are doing the right thing.
Then, immediately after the party, get online, on this website and give us ALL OF THE DIRT! }:)
I agree - I think having a
I agree - I think having a joint graduation party would be best for the kid. My oldest SS is only 14 and DH and I have already discussed it and said one joint party was fine but that we would have it at a neutral location - i.e. NOT at BM's house. We'll see if BM agrees to it in a few years though...