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Do men ever try seeing it from your side?

CruellaDeKids's picture

Is there ever a moment in any of y'all lives where you were like wow this is exactly what I needed thank you lord !!!! ?????



thinkthrice's picture

read the posts here starting back a few years and you will see a pattern.  IOW its not you "going crazy"  StepMOM life is very much NOT worth it.  

Justthesecondwife's picture

In saying that I think my DH tries, in his own way, but will always have the instinct to believe their bio has "changed" or is just being a kid, or doen't mean it. Or (my favourite) it just me refusing to see the good. 

I don't think most BD's have the ability to see from an unblinkered view how their bio/s have tarnished their marriage, their spouses peace, happiness and life. It's like our experiences simply haven't occurred, or we are making too big a deal of them. In reality, for most of us we make far to little deal of it until it becomes absolutely untenable. Then the BD's feel they being made to "choose", instead of just stepping up and being a parent to their kid. 

I've had the "that's exactly what I needed" moment, because even if there has been some kind of mild consequence or play at empathy, it has only ever come too little too late, and after far to many fights where the skid has been excused for any and all atrocious behaviours (in laws too for that matter). After all the time trying to defend yourself against people who have been the problem that you get to the point where you know that you are seen as the issue, not them and it's just a way for the DH to get some peace without actually having to do anything.

I truly hope you have a very different experience.

SeeYouNever's picture

My husband realized my pic better when he saw how I interact with my dad. I send him things to just make him happy, I choose thoughtful gifts, we have genuine conversations and he respects me for business advice. 

Meanwhile SD12 treats him just how his sisters treat his father. They act coy and sweet but really it's just buttering him up to get him to buy or do things for them. He always thought that's just how dads and daughters are.

I successfully launched and got independent and built a good career. His father is still paying for his sisters, one just pops out kids and the one is still partying like a college student even though she's almost 30.

He's told me he hopes SD turns out liek me but he's afraid she will be like BM, who is quite similar to his sisters in how she makes men (her dad or current SO's-plural because she usually had more than one at a time). 

SubstituteMommy's picture

Does my SO ever try seeing things from my side? Sometimes. He occasionally takes his rose colored glasses off and it's refreshing.

Are there ever moments in step-life when, "Wow! This is exactly what I needed!" can come out of my mouth? Yes! Every two to three months when the BM picks up her daughter and I get a nice, calm, peaceful, happy little break for a week or two.

CruellaDeKids's picture

This blog alone is so powerful. We love ans give all we can give and yet we have to talk to strangers to feel some sort of love and understanding. I read every single entry and related to every single one. I just need to feel and tell myself that there is some kind of hope. And you all give me that.... The simple fact we are all on here instead of just giving up is hope. My SO finally said last night that he wants me and SD8 to meet in the middle and we had a family talk ... I just hope ita nlt just a band aid. Because we are definitely dealing with a gun shot.