SS just doesn’t stop with the sports
SS wasn't going to play basketball this year but SO took him to his batting lessons after football practice. Yea you hear that correctly. And when SO for home proceeded to tell him now SS was going to play basketball. Football games just started. And okay fine tell me he is going to play and then proceed to say that this won't really interfere with anythin since practice and games are right after school. I said okay. He then says but SS said the team won't really be good because the better players will be on the JV team so he is just playing to play. I said okay. He then said why are you upset. I said I just don't have anything to say about it. He said why not .I said I have nothing to say. He just keep talking about it. So I said all I worry about is that it will cost money because it is now high school and baseball and football for the school already cost us about $600 a piece and it he is just playing for something to do and is saying the team will be bad it is just costing money for him to goof around. I was nice about it. SS must have thrown him some crumbs last night on the way to and from practice because now I am the bad guy because he loves his kids and I just see the bad in everything according to him. Then he had to be crappy and talk about stuff when I was falling asleep and continued to ask me about why I always am negative about his kids. Things were going so good and we are leaving for a weeks vacation Saturday and now this. I will never ever understand.
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I have always noticed that
I have always noticed that when my partner banters me relentlessly because he wants me to say something and then I do in that moment... It never ends well. Because he's already worked up, he's already emotional.. He's "baiting" and he's not about to see the other side. Truth is he's defensive about his son and his sons sports. He has made a lot of positive changes overall but that is still there.
The basketball... Maybe it won't really affect anything unless it means that all your time is now booked. Can SS get rides home or bike home afterward?
I wouldn't contribute a dime toward SSs sports... None of it. My kids do tonnes of school sports and activities and my husband doesn't contribute anything at all money-wise and I'm ok with that.
If he wants to pretend to make it to big leagues in baseball and do another million sports let them pay to support that mess.
We have plenty of time right
We have plenty of time right now. School sports don't interfere so much because everything is right after school. SO hasn't been running either child much anymore. He just wants always wants some sort of reply from me.
sometimes I think they just
sometimes I think they just want the arguement so they can justify the waste of $$ on another needless activity.
This could be it for sure. He
This could be it for sure. He doesn't want me to get on him about the $$ so he finds a way to turn it that it is because I don't care about the kids so that can be the bigger issue and deflect the real issue.
for some a quick burst of
for some a quick burst of anger and accusations make them think the subject is not only closed, it's also changed. he wants to end the discussion rather than see it's unfair financial reality. So he goes on the verbal attack, stomps away and figures it's a done deal.
it's too bad you can't total the $$ he'll be spending on yet another sport then take that amount out of your joint budget and make your point.
Well everytime he spends like
Well everytime he spends like that I go and buy something for myself on our joint credit card that he pays. But it still all ends up being "our" money in the end.
Yessss
I could have written this entire post myself. This is exactly what my DH does. If I mention money he will say it doesn't concern me (even though yes, his finances do concern me, especially when he complains he's worried about $), and then will jump right to telling me I only complain about the kids or say negative things. Thereby making me the bad guy, and making that the issue and not the issue at hand. I try so hard not to say anything and last time I only said "oh, I though we agreed SS would pay 1/3 of his car Ins", and he was mad at me for DAYS for saying that.
Sucks going Into vacay with a cloud over you though, hopefully you can turn it around...
Oh my this is exactly like me
Oh my this is exactly like me and SO. It always turns to I am negative about the kids. No it is money issues. If him and BM were together wouldn't be spending like this.I already gave up one vaca this year . I have always taken two. Time and money because of SS sports did that. So why shouldn't I be upset..And I did some snooping and there is already a meeting for basketball fundraising and SO knew this when SS told him he was going to play and then had the nerve to get mad when I said I hope there isn't fundraisers for this too. And on top of all of this he now has to communicate with BM a little because of meetings and fundraising with all of these sports . I know he has to because they have to talk about how to pay and who is attending meetings. . I was starting to be happy again in my relationship and now it is taking a turn to be rough again.
I'm sorry!
I completely get it. This is mostly what we fight about, these exact scenarios. After the last big one over SS's car ins/phone, after we were good again DH said "Once the kids are gone we won't have to worry about this anymore". Ha! SS will be in college, blowing $ on eating out, then asking DH for money and NEVER asking Crazy, and DH will give it to him and not make him learn he can't just eat out all the time. Sure DH, we won't fight about it once they are gone.
I am told this too about when
I am told this too about when they are off to college it will be easier. The money part along with not teaching the kids how to "adult " will continue. Some things like running them around every single place has gone down a lot but with SS football and basketball games will be in the evenings next year and taking up too much time that I need to be with my SO. Sitting in bleachers every night is not my idea of a good time. If I even bring that up he always says you look to far ahead and are negative about the kids.
And maybe he's too short
And maybe he's too short-sighted and doesn't realize what he stands to lose...
We were talking on our way to
We were talking on our way to the airport about how nice it is to be getting away from work , chores.etc. He always brings up retirement and I said yes it will be nice but that means we are getting older. He said he doesn't want to rush thru life with me. Which is very nice but then he has to add in that he always wants sports seasons to end with SS but he thinks he needs to stop thinking about that too and enjoy it. He feels he is rushing the kids off to college. Well we always talk about how nice it will be when the sports are done and the kids are off to college. I don't enjoy the sports and with him saying this it has made me think and I don't think I can deal with lthis "loving " kids sports for 4 more years.The kids have given him crumbs and he is the Cookie Monster. But I am enjoying vacation anyway.
"...already cost US $600 a
"...already cost US $600 a piece..."
Please tell me that you are not contributing money.
Even if it is not "my money"
Even if it is not "my money" it still effects other things we want to do. That is the problem.
Yes, that's a problem when it
Yes, that's a problem when it cuts into finances for you as a couple or the household.
I am not negative about your
I am not negative about your kids, I am negative about seeing so much of our finances flying out the window and, at the same time, sitting alone at home alone because my husband seems to have forgotten that a marriage involves two participants.
He can change anything I say
He can change anything I say about his kids into a negative. That is why I didn't want to say anything but he badgered me and I needed it to end. He honestly didn't even need to bring up basketball until later in the season.
Oh I also wanted to add that
Oh I also wanted to add that our school taxes increased this year by 4.8% on top of all of these fund raisers .
Kids' sports today are so
Kids' sports today are so much more expensive and time-consuming than in the past. In my dad's day, he either walked or took the city bus to sports practices and games. His parents had little to do with the activity. In my day, practice was either at school right after or I walked to the place from school, and my mom would just have to leave the house once to pick me up at the end of the day. Today it is so out of control. It's just this child-centric culture of helicopter parents and then you throw in divorce, where the parents are trying to outdo each other...common sense goes out the window.
I can't understand why this
I can't understand why this has happened to society. Are parents just so bored with each other that all of their time and attention go to the children.
I know of a couple on DH's
I know of a couple on DH's side of the family that had their three kids in sports year round. They MADE their kids play atleast one sport. I can't figure it out except that I think the dad was living vicariously through his sons. They also had this feeling of camaraderie with the other parents at the sporting events.
A lot of people are into this
A lot of people are into this sort of thing and it CAN be quite positive, given certain circumstance, this competitive sport lifestyle.. but not always!! There can be a lot of problems that go with it. My husbands friend was a (volunteer) hockey coach and everyone thought their kid was the next Wayne Gretzky /Sydney Crosbey and they certainly were not. Apparently this coach got emails each night from parents wondering why their kid was on the bench during the game etc. Ugggh i wouldn't be able to handle that!
Yes you couldn't pay me
Yes you couldn't pay me enough to coach or referee kids sports games these days. This couple actually had a distant relative coaching one of their kid's sports and it caused a huge falling out in the family because he didn't put him in enough. Ofcourse these kids were going to be professional athletes they thought. Where are they now? Working in a factory in the same small town they grew up in. Glory days
SO is home from work and he
SO is home from work and he is being so distant. I can't believe things were so good and now we have to go into vacation with this .