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I need good vibes

Crr18's picture

I need good vibes that the closing on my house comes soon . This new job seems like it will work out and I found 2 nice apartment building near my work that I should be able to afford. SO told me that now that BM says she isn't going to talk to him SD is not going to come around at all. He actually said because I am also a stress on him it made the fight worse. I said I had nothing to do with your sick son and the fight with your ex. I said SD hasn't come around since March how all of a sudden can  it be any worse that BM is not talking to you. He is upset with me because last night when he said SS called him to pick him up tonight from football practice. I said well since your fight she said she wasn't going to text you so just be ready for her to make the kids do it all the time and make you run everywhere. He said don't you think I know this. So then doesn't that mean he will actually see the kids more since he won't say no to them. Not sure how yet again I am to blame.


JRI's picture

I've come to realize that disengagement is healthy in more than the SK arena.  It's time for you to begin disengaging from SO's issues.  I know that's hard since you aren't totally separated yet and your emotions are still raw.  But the goal is to hear his complaints like you would a co-workers.  " Gee, that's too bad", "Hmmm", "Really?" with no further comment.  It's a process.  Congratulations on your new job and I hope one of the apartments works out.  Good luck.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

She is very wise and had lots of step experience.

Just disengage until you escape.

daisydiamond82's picture

I'm going to second this advice as well.

Also adding: It sounds like you've got a plan, you're sticking to it, and it's moving along. Keep going forward. You can do this. In the mean time, give your SO those minimal encouragers when it comes to his problems. I like the idea of treating your SO like a coworker who's problems you don't really care about. Lol, it's good advice and it really does work. I do it with my SO sometimes when he gets too dramatic sometimes. I'm sending you good vibes. Lots of them. 

stepmomnorth's picture

Sending good vibes. A nice apartment near your work sounds like just the ticket! 

ndc's picture

You are in a no win situation.  Just stay disengaged as much as possible until you can make your exit.  And although your SO is likely to place the blame for everything firmly on you, don't let yourself accept any blame.  Your SO owns all of it, whether he wants to acknowledge that or not.  I'm thinking positive thoughts for your new living situation!