How does your SO feel about the cost and also time commitment for all of these sports? Is the general idea that he's on board with it all and if you disagree you're at fault? Can SO even afford all of this stuff without going into debt? Is there even enough hours in the day?!!

I think he doesn't like it when you bring up "the logistics" because it makes him feel attacked however I don't think he ever considers any of these things people normally consider... He's not thinking about how this affects your family unit in a broad sense. To take on all of these sports is beyond ridiculous.

He's afraid of causing waves with his child and BM. I mean how can he honestly not see how crazy this all is. It would make more sense to maybe choose one competitive sport and stick with that and be dedicated to it.

He's spreading his son too thin amongst all these sports... It's going to take a toll and its going to be a big circus. Is SO going to do all the driving even though SS doesn't come to visit any more? How does that work? 

My SS11.5 is on a similar schedule. He does unofficial preseason football from mid-April to May with optional camps in June. This is usually practice 3 days per week with games every weekend. He then does official football from July to October, practice 4 nights per week and games every weekend. He then does basketball from October until January, which is practice 3 nights per week and games every weekend. He then does soccer from February to May which is practice twice per week with games every weekend. On top of year-round sports which he's been doing since age 5, BM also has SS in STEAM club and Italian lessons after school. 

DH and I feel that SS is significantly overscheduled, but we are long distance with no legal custody so if BM wants to do all that work to get him there, then that's on her. We have told her that we feel he is overscheduled but BM keeps signing SS up for stuff, so we just no longer pay since we don't agree. The expense was getting out of control with registration fees, equipment, private lessons, tournament fees, etc. We weren't willing to foot half the bill when we get no say and don't agree. We can tell it impacts SS because you talk to him and he's like a burned out adult - he has school all day, sports all night, then games and stuff every weekend. He says he never has time to just play or be a kid. When you talk to him, it's like he's an adult with a full time corporate job that is slowly sucking the life out of him. It's sad. 

Print out the next four or so calendar months and fill them in with all the sports/training/etc. dates - each subject in a different colour and see what it looks like. Post them on your fridge door.

I'd also have an Excel file where you note all the sports related expenses over the next year, as they happen. Do not forget to factor in the cost of gas traipsing this kid hither and thither - mileage to start from, and end at, your home when your SO has to go and fetch him at his mothers. 

Having another file that keeps count of the time in hours and in half days taht you do not see your SO because he's running his kids to sports.

He'll probablt find a way of ignoring all this but it might just give you the push to decide whether this is worth living with for any longer.

white board it. I'm not kidding, since he isn't getting it white board it. (or just write it down)

sport 1: days of week practices, games ... costs (break it down as entry fees, raffle fees, travel costs on avg., supplies/gear

sport 2: days of week, practices, weight room times   ... costs 

sport 3: days of week, expectations .... costs

and do it for the entire school year. 

if he won't listen, make his read it. 

He should have a dollar cap worked out for each year for sports so they don't go overboard but sounds like it's not an issue he even cares about anyhow..

We have a dollar amount spelled out in our separation agreement for sports and music. If we choose to enroll the kids in more than the capped amount it's OOP.. Not shared between my ex and I. 

He doesn't seem to care about the cost?

I agree with the other posters. 

Create an excel sheet tallying the expenses for  the year and showing how many activities per day

I also agree in the end you'll have to determine if it's a lifestyle you're ok with living with for the next X years 

My YSS had year-round sports, too.  He lived with us and is/was athleticly gifted.  In his case, as the youngest of 5 here, it was an outlet for his emotions and a way to get good attention.  We were lucky that all the coaches were positive role models.

The expense was high and all the driving was a pain.  I'm not a sports person so attending games wasn't interesting. The worst part was that the softball league required hours of labor from each parent, in my case, stints at the refreshment stand.  It was the first and last time I ever worked fast food.  Lol.

Not sure how old your ss is but .... for multi sport hs athletes that make it to college D1 (heck even D2 and D3 level), at some point typically jr year they are pushed to select the sport they're best at (where they will be offered most scholarship money) and focus on that ONE 

My kid is or was a multi sport athlete (basketball, lacrosse, swimming, soccer, etc) and when HS started I made her chose ONE then laser focused on being the best at that.
 

I'm doing traveling sports too (great break from these skids/Disneyland weekends) and getting recruitment from college coaches. 
 

Good luck !

Baseball alone takes up so much time.  Lying Ingrate was signed up for it at an early age by BM.  He loved it growing up and still does.  It took up so much of his time, especially in high school.  We made him pick a sport every year if he wanted to play.  None of this multiple sports every year.  We couldn't afford it and didn't have time or energy to run him around.  I get that it's good for them to be into something to keep them out of others, but they need time to rest, do their homework, study, and have time to themselves.  

How can one child do all this? The answer is that they can't. Not unless they can clone themselves and be in multiple places at once.

BM said he is starting to have a harder time with school and his friends

Unfortunately, BM does not see the correlation between over scheduling and school. As to friends, SS does not have time for them. He only has time for acquaintances on teams.

then SO tells me when I get upset about it all it is my fault because I am bitter and have a mean streak. 

It's so much easier to blame you than face reality.

The reality is that juggling school teams and more demanding travel teams for multiple sports is going to be the all consuming focus.  School.. friends.. they will be back burner.

I think we all have a tendency to gravitate towards the things we enjoy and like.. doing certain tasks first.. letting the ones we are not good at or don't enjoy.. slip down the list.

He is being allowed to push off the academics.. or at best.. be a marginal performer there.

But.. eventually.. his body will become burnt out and his performance even in sports may suffer. he will be susceptible to overuse injuries.. etc.. I guess his only saving grace is that perhaps he is a bit lazy of a kid.. so probably doesn't practice independently much.

certainly by early HS.. kids do narrow their focus.. so that they can maximize the ability to capitalize on scholarship opportunites.. colleges don't want a jack of all trades athlete.. 

burn out is a real thing a if he's droping back academically it will only make it worse when it is time to pick a college. I had to tell my kids, when they hit the HS level, that they couldn't do overlapping sports. Jokes on me because they wrestled year round and then ran track and cross country for "conditioning" but it was a year round thing and it drained everyone, phsically and finaniially. 

If he hopes to play in college he has to be realistic about his chances of getting scholarship to a D1 school. Grades, community service, etc. it all counts and if his talent level is okay but his other things don't balance him out, he's going no where. My kids burned out. My youngest achieved his goals academically and in HS wrestling but he was done so those schools that did want him to come wrestle were off his list. Luckily he had the grades to pull in scholarships and grants and went into a good program. He had balance. 

What do you SS's parents see him headed toward? Do they think he can make sports his realistic career? 

Do you think that SO does this as a way of keeping his son in his life? Because it means he spends time with him when he wouldn't otherwise? 

Not sure if you're looking to vent or for advice but there really is no way to make to make your DH see the light without being a big ol' meanie SM. 
 

The laying out of all the financials and time constraints was a great idea so was the idea to remind him of the importance of school and downtime... but if he's not on board, there's not much you can do. Perhaps he still see it for himself once all this ramps up an you won't have to say anything?

 Does all this $$$ affect your family budget? If so I would definitely have to say something. The resentment would be too much and there's no reason he can't pick one sport (he's not being deprived of anything). But... again it comes down to your DH. 
 

When push comes to shove... would he pick SS and sports... or you? And can you live with his choice?

When SS gets a license and can drive himself, the time issue will resolve. The money issue, sadly, will multiply. 

Less invasive, dedicated time between the kid(s) and the NCP, and near zero ability for the CP to interfere.

If the CP fails to surrender the kid per the COd visitation schedule, there is a defined moment where the CP has perpetrated contempt of court and the NCP can immediately engage the courts to address it.

If it is the NCP that is the toxic element, they can be kept distant, the kid only has to be infested by that toxicity intermittently rather than regularly if not constantly.

In our case, DW was the full physical and legal custodian of SS from birth.  She left the people's republic of SpermLand a few months after graduating from HS to attend University taking SS with her.  She has never again lived in SpermLand in the 30 years since she left.

This kept the visitation schedule as long distance since SS was 14mos old.  There was no visitation schedule when he was an infant.  The visitation schedule was COd a week before SS turned 2yo.  They made zero effort to see SS for more than a year.  Since the visitation CW was ordered when he was 2yo, they went a year or more refusing visitation on 3 to 5 occassions.  

Because SS was not polluted by regular exposure to them, he has been a successful adult. His three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs include a dole queen (SpermSpawn #2), a convicted felon/prison inmate (SpermSpawn #3) and the youngest is not far behind the inmate (SpermSpawn #4).

If at all possible, I would engage in a long distance visitation schedule Vs a local schedule.

In the SpermLand jurisdiction where our CO was ordered, any distance of 200Miles or more mandates a long distance visitation schedule.  

 Check how far it takes for you to move to get a long distance schedule. I would.

Good luck.

Over schedule with extra curriculars and hand dad (and SM) the bill.  Then complain that dad doesn't want to taxi his kids around on his visitation time.