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Free Throws

Crr18's picture

Just wondering how excited a parent would get if your child played basketball for 9 years and made two free throws in a game? No other scores or shots taken by him. Does this mean your child played outstanding?


AlmostGone834's picture

I don't know much about sports so I can't say. However DH has a nephew that would brag on and on about his two sons' achievements in high school sports. This went on for 6 years from the time they were in little league up through playing football/baseball/soccer in high school. From what I gathered, they were good but not "college scholarship good". Of course the father thought they were going to be picked up by scouts, given a full ride to a top tier college and go pro.... make a million dollars blah blah blah. It was exhausting. It also never happened. They have both graduated and are working factory jobs in the same small town living with mom and dad. 

Im guessing his son made two free throws and he's going absolutely ape over it? 

Stepdrama2020's picture


Your DH is like in Meet the Fockers where they framed the 9th place ribbon.   

Crr18's picture

IMO I think SS should be preforming at a higher level since he has played since he was small. And somehow he makes all these teams so if he is doing that good in tryouts to me he is not bringing it all to the games. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

SS gives the bare minimum but gets praised for being a star by big daddio.

It will never change.

So dang happy you are in the process of exit stage left. 

Just think no more games to attend. No more DH gushing over mediocre SS. No more gaslighting from DH.


ESMOD's picture

If the kid has been playing for 9 years.. and has had only moderate success.. I would see getting two free throws to be excellent progress and to be very celebrated.

If the kid normally scores many times a game.. getting overly excited about the 2 instances? not so much.

He won't be the first parent to be overjoyed with the kid's performance.. even if it isn't as stellar as they would like for it to be.. maybe because it never will be stellar.. so they celebrate the small stuff.

He also is trying to support his kids.. and be a positive in their lives.. so he does it.. he is proud when they have a success.. even if it isn't large.

You resent his kids.. and the interference their activities have on your life... and in the end.. the fact that you don't feel valued by him.. and it has made you want to leave.

Just keep your eye on the door and get there as soon as possible. I still think that what he is doing with his kids.. isn't necessarily wrong.. it's just not compatible with what you need in a partner.

Felicity0224's picture

As a parent, I'm pretty much enthralled by everything my DD does. She's pretty successful in musical theater, and I watch her in an ensemble role with the same enthusiasm I have when she's got a lead role. In either case I make sure she knows how proud I am of her hard work and how much I love watching her do what she loves. I think this is pretty standard parenting stuff. 

Now, I don't expect everyone else in our lives to be as interested as I am. Not do I insist that other people kiss her butt or make a fuss over her. Which is what I think you're getting at with regard to your SS? Big picture, I don't think there is anything that your skids or your SO could do at this point that wouldn't annoy you. And that's understandable given your situation. Just use it to fuel your motivation to leave when the time comes. But no, to answer your question I don't think it's all that outrageous for a parent to be proud that their kid made two free throws if that's an uncommon occurrence. No matter how long the kid has played. 

AgedOut's picture

Hmm, I see your point and kind of agree with it but I also once sat for days at Chess Tournaments and while it was painful I was super proud of my kiddo even though he didn't fare so well. I'd bluntly remind Dad that it's his child so it's only natural that he think the rainbows come out of his kiddos tush but you don't need to ooh and ahh along w/ him (unless a pot of gold follows said rainbow out, that I might be impressed by.)

Crr18's picture

He can be as happy as he wants to be but shouldn't be getting upset with me. I say that is good and then I don't understand what else he wants from me. His children want nothing to do with him but if he wants to keep trying with them that is on him. He started with me yesterday when he was making the private batting lesson for SS. He asked me if I had the basketball game schedule handy am I told him what days there were no games and I said told him Tuesday was fine and it works because that is the night SS stays with us but then he proceeds to see if the coach could do it any day. I said why would you do that just take him the normal night that you always do since it is free . He started with the making up for what he might miss on his nights and needs to do it because BM may have to do some different nights due to his work schedule. He then proceeds to say he is not just a parent on the nights SS stays. I said fine we don't need to discuss it. He said but you just can't put yourself in my shoes and I am their dad. I said fine. He said you always get this way when I need to do something with the kids.  I said I am not getting anyway take him whatever day then just please quit talking about it.  He wouldn't stop so I said I get you want to be their dad everyday but making SS the center of your universe is not helping anyone.  He said he knows and he doesn't do that . I said please let's just not discuss this. He continues. I said don't you get it they don't want to be your kids everyday.I am the only one who wanted to be with you everyday and you are ruining that. Yes it was harsh and I act made him cry but how many time did I have to tell him to stop.But later SS pissed him off and so did BM they are more long stories but then he wasn't upset with me anymore.

AlmostGone834's picture

Ugh. I hate this. My DH does this too. It's like JUST STOP! You got your way! I'm irritated and you continuing to badger me about it to try to make me see things "your way" only makes me angrier. Just accept that you made me mad and be glad you got what you wanted. 

Crr18's picture

It is always badgering until he gets something out of me.  Just leave me out of whatever it is you plan with your kids. Quit asking me advice and my opinion on them and your ex. I guess he couldn't see how happy I was on vacation when we weren't bringing all of that dysfunctional family up.

thinkthrice's picture

You will need to be adept at giving vague, non committal answers that could be taken two ways. 

"DON'T YOU THINK SS IS GREAT AT [insert sport]??"

SM: "I love those uniform colors. " ( Not even indicating which team you like the colors of)

"WASN'T THAT AMAZING THAT SS DID  [insert stupidity]??!!"

SM "It certainly was with this lighting."  

You must also learn to segue into anything. 

"What do you think about me picking up SS on Thursday because BM has [blah blah blah]?"

SM:  "Thursday is a great day of the week because my horoscope says blah blah blah and the weather is going to be blah blah blah."

Get creative!


Crr18's picture

This is great. Since he insists I have an answer. He did talk to SS because there was a game. They are right after school . When he got off the phone he said he made a three pointer. (Yes a three pointer is good but that is all he scored)I said what team did they play.He told me and I think maybe that helped just a remark so that i am acknowledging  like I care to not be badgered.

Winterglow's picture

"A three pointer, you say? Was that for or against his own team?"

Yes, I know,, but it's better than my first choice,

"Wowsie powsie DH. Did he get a medal?"


CLove's picture

Yeah. You need to get your Exit Plan in motion.

Crr18's picture

It is stressful . He could do something about it but i think he likes it this way. His mind never stops and if he made things less stressful with ex and kids he would just find something else to stress about. It is his personality. 

thinkthrice's picture

This way.   He gets to make unilateral decisions while feigning to get your opinion, then playing the martyr. 

thinkthrice's picture

Ugh Chef had high athletic hopes for the 3 ferals.   Chef is athletically inclined.   The Gir trips over her own canoe sized feet.  Guess who the ferals took after?  Chef would always deceive himself calling them "athletic."  Athletic being defined as huge for their age.

I was dragged to all of their games until I slowly backed away.   It was an embarrassment. 

Crr18's picture

I would always go at first too. It definitely would have been more interesting if SS was better then adequate but I would have continued to go for support for him and SO.  But when I saw the disrespect SS had for SO I pulled way back.