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Quitting SD

croton's picture

I am happily married to the most wonderful Women ever, and have three step children. They are all adults, one girl and two boys one who is ten years younger than his older brother.

After 14 years of trying extremely hard to be a great step dad to all I have had it with the girl. Here is the back story:

She was an Adult when I started Dating her Mother. After I started dating (not living with) her Mother, she moved out (locally) and going to College. In short order I became the call to fix a flat tire, helper her move, etc. Fast forward two years and her Mother and I are preparing to get engaged, she moves back to town because and 2 months later gets engaged to a Guy she couldn't stand when She left. We hold off engagement so as not to steal her thunder. I get to help pay for the Wedding and her Dad walkers her down the isle.

She has three kids with this Guy, while he is cheating on her all the time. My Wife and I get married. (Seriously, I can believe the next one) We wait to go on a Cruise for our honeymoon, and bring the Kids and their significant others of the older two kids. Yes I paid. This went poorly, the daughters Husband near was kicked off the Ship and the son broke up with his girl friend the first night.

The Daughter gets a divorce (which I have to guider her through) and she and her two boys move back in with us. During this time we are supporting her, I am paying for daycare so she can substitute teach. She tell her mother and I it will workout because She can handle the boys 50% of the time and we can each take 25% of the time. She is pregnant with this tools third son. We helper through this difficult time.

I do my best with the boys, taking them to and leading Cub Scout troops, playing ball, etc.

2 and 1/2 years later she meets the Guy of her dreams. He has two girls of similar ages to her boys. This last five months, before he tells her she needs to move out, but they can still date. This blows up our family Thanksgiving. He recants, when she says if she moves out they are done. We give this tool a second chance, and about 16 months later he gives them a week to move out.

During the 16 months I spend every night and weekend, building my Wife her dream house, the exception is the one night a week I am taking the daughters boys to Cub Scouts. We move into our new house and the following weekend, after returning from Cub Scout camp with one of the boys, I am told they are moving in with us. We move her, before we moved ourselves.

3 months later and 2 guys later, she tells us they are dating the guy with two daughters and her are dating again. I am pissed, I see this Guy at a School function and he makes appoint to avoid me and lies about it to her. His 9 year old Daughter had the courage to say hello, but he didn't.

I a pissed, I haven't significantly spoke to her in three months. She moved out after two, though her brother and I of course were the only ones available to move her. The new Guy had other obligations that weekend.

End of back story

This daughter has never called to see how I am doing or talk, done anything as simple as baking something, she is clearly selfish and only communicates when she needs something from me.

Is it wrong to tell her I no longer want to be her Dad?


croton's picture

Thanks, it helps getting outside opinions. My wife hopes my feelings will change over time and maybe they will or maybe they won't. I am OK with it not changing.

notasm3's picture

You don't need to say anything to her - like literally never speak to her again. Actions (or in your case inaction) will speak more than any words.

Just avoid her. And do not let her move in EVER EVER EVER again under any circumstances. And keep that wallet shut.

croton's picture

She wants to maintain a relationship with her daughter and grandsons. She doesn't dispute any of the issues but feels SD not be able to deal with the truth of the situation and has requested I don't speak with her about it.