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I'm at my wits end!!!

Crazystepmomof3's picture

I don't know what to do any more! I am the Step mom of 3 teenagers. 11,14, and 16. The 11 year old was a struggle to handle when we first moved in together. But he soon realized I had rules and if he wanted something special he had to follow the rules. Throwing a fit didn't benefit him either and his father was very supportive of how I handled things. The 14 yo is a rebellious girl and for the most part I have very few issues with. I have caught her taking my makeup and hair products but that has slowed down since I confronted her about it. My issue is the 16yo. I have about had it! I'm considering moving out because of the things he does. He continually takes things from me and my sons. He has no ambition to help with the house or even keep his room clean. We recently redecorated his room and within the 2 weeks its been done he has trashed it. The rule is no dishes in rooms and I found a weeks worth of dishes hiding under his bed. Not to mention the 8 yes 8 moldy cans of food he has left in a plastic bag hiding in his closet. These nasty cans have attracted bugs! We haven't even hit full time warm weather and I have gnats flying around in my home! This kid has absolutely no respect for others or their personal things. I find it very hard not to be resentful. I feel used and taken advantage of. I tend not to bring my concerns up with his father as he says teens are teens. And usually a fight happens. I'm tired of fighting over this and just want it to stop! How hard is it for a person to follow simple rules? Why can't he be respectful of others! I just want to screamand cry. I'm ready to wave my white flag!


Acratopotes's picture

take a deep breath and calm down.... teen boys are terrible and believe me that girl will be like that as well..

I suggest you simply disengage, close SS16 bedroom door and ignore the snot. You have a DH problem, he's not being their parent, he's more a friend, he does not want to be the bed guy.

From now on you will not do any laundry, teach your own kids to do theirs or at least help you, DH will be responsible for his kid's laundry and teaching them. Simply do not do the dishes, you teach yours to rinse theirs after use and you only do yours... DH and his kids will be responsible for theirs. You do not buy the skids anything....
If skids asks you something, smile and say ASK YOUR DAD.... read the rest of disengagement in the link

If nothing changes within 6 months, simply do what I did, move out to your own place and lead a happy life, DH can visit you, without the brats, you visit him... but leave your kids at home, they do not need to see this mess lol...
Hope your kids are old enough. I've been living separately for almost 5 years now...

SM12's picture

I agree with Acra...You need to disengage. However, I do realize it is hard to disengage when they are trashing the house that you ALL need to live in.
I had the same issues with by SS's eating in their bedrooms and other rooms of the house that were not allowed.
I got to the point I would wake up on a Saturday morning and see tons of half eaten food or dishes all over the house.
I would immediately wake them all up at 7 am on a Saturday and make them clean it up. I then informed them all that anytime I see a wrapper for piece of food laying around, that particular item would never be purchased again. (it was usually snack foods left everywhere).
And I meant it. I would find snack cake wrappers everywhere, so I didn't buy snack cakes for an entire year. Same goes with any food item they left out.
Plus it made the SS's start to tell who actually left the mess. It was typically my MSS and the others were tired of having to clean up his mess so he would get told on.
I rarely had any issue after that.

Crazystepmomof3's picture

Thank you so much for the advice! It took about a week for DH and SK to realize I had disengaged. It did come to a head today. The oldest asked his dad to ask me for a ride home. I told DH he could go get him. He asked why I wouldn't and I stated. I'm not his mother or father. DH is irrate. But I'm tired of being treated like nothing until one of the SK wants so.ething. This maybe the end of the relationship but it's defi2 for the best and for my sanity! Tha is for the advice!