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Then the cops came

crackergirl's picture

I swear this man just doesn't get it. I told him I wasn't going to Disney/Universal without my son. He doesn't listen to what I say and lets my son know we are going and gives him the choice to go with his father's family or on our family vacation. My son chose his dad's family as he should of (i would have made him and I wasn't there when dh told bs to choose). When I got home bs was mad/hurt/feeling insecure that we would be going on a family vacation without him. When I tried to talk to him he got up and walked away bumping into me. Basically he jumped up and ran toward his room but I was standing there and got knocked to the side. He turned around to see if I was okay and dh charged him. Bs has never ever been violent towards anyone. I know this was an accident. Dh though, he exploded and chased my child to his room and then stood there screaming at him about hitting his mom. Bs was in tears trying to explain that he didn't mean to and he would never. Well, sd decided to call 911 and report that she was scared because bs hit/pushed me. Yep. The police came and told her she did the right thing. That as a witness to DOMESTIC VIOLENCE she should report it. They even gave her a gold badge sticker. Stupid fuc4ing b1tch!!! Bs got a dressing down from the police about putting his hands on me while I tried in vain to convince them it was an accident. Dh egged the police on and told them bs should be arrested for pushing his wife!! I am so mad and disgusted and dh and sd. In the end they left us with domestic violence pamphlets and warning words that they didn't want to hear this happened again to bs. Dh hasn't stopped running his mouth about violent teens and bootcamp. I told him this morning I had enough and he asked why only I am allowed to point out his kids faults but my child physically attacks me and he can't say anything. I don't even want to go home tonight. Bs and dh will be there for 2 hours before I get there. That makes my stomach hurt.

Comments

BethAnne's picture

Then leave work early and get him from school yourself. I would not feel safe leaving my son in such a position.

crackergirl's picture

Not where we live. He would have to cross 2 country roads where the speed limit is 55 and then walk along a hill for miles just to get to a gas station. We are backwoods here. There is no walking or riding bikes to get anywhere here.

crackergirl's picture

I just texted him to see if he can go to someones house after school. I normally don't allow it since most parents work and they would be without adult supervision.

uofarkchick's picture

It's time, hon. It's just time. Your husband has now found the way to really get to you and your son. Your stepdaughter has found a new and exciting way to get attention. The police can press charges for domestic violence against your son without you. Do you want your son having a record for assault?

"Good bye college!"

"Good bye great job!"

It's time to go, love.

crackergirl's picture

I am thinking of an exit plan. Things were so much better and then this happened.

hereiam's picture

Your husband is seriously messing with you. He is an ass and you need to get yourself and your son out of there.

hereiam's picture

You may have thought things were better but I have a feeling that your husband has been playing you and manipulating you all of this time, just waiting to pounce.

Powerfamily's picture

Your husband will do everything in his power to destroy both you and your son. Because YOU will not comply to HIS wishes.

Can you ring one of your ds friends parents and ask if you son can stay there until you can get him.

The longer you stay the more your A*se hole of a husband will terrorize you though your son, your husband has found his weapon of choice.

BethAnne's picture

Step dad had witnesses present. Who knows what he will do when the two of them are alone. Even if step dad genuinely believes that he attacked his mother the boy is still at risk of physical retribution. I would not want to leave my son alone with this man, no matter his motivations.

Stepped in what momma's picture

@hashtag, he was angry after he was LIED to by his stepdad, that by no means gives him the right to bump his mother but suggesting that a step parent put their hands on someone else's child is, well, shit*y.

My dad would have rowed my step dad had he ever put his hands on his child and I would hope your ex would do the same for his child.

Stepped in what momma's picture

I'm not much for teaching a kid not to put their hands on someone else by putting my hands on them.

uofarkchick's picture

NM

uofarkchick's picture

Gotcha.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I think anytime a stepparent overrides a bio parent's discipline, they have crossed the line. And let's not forget her DH stirred this up. If my DH kept berating my son after I told him to stop, I'd be fuming and DH would be sleeping somewhere else.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Lessons come from the parents of the child not from step parents. You've only been here 6 weeks but the majority of us vote on not touching, chasing, and screaming at kids that don't belong to us.

OP's DH asked for a lesson and OP needs to give one to him.

Stepped in what momma's picture

I'm with Llilac on this, your kid probably did mean to bump you, I'd probably want to bump you a little on the way by if you left me with a shi* head step parent and a bitc*hy step sister. What your kid did was wrong and that is on your parenting bc he can't "bump" his boss when he receives bad news at work but this is on you all the more if you don't get the two of you out of there.

You need to save your kid this afternoon by being at home when he gets home, and then you need to start making an exit plan.

MrsZipper's picture

If I'm not mistaken this poster who suggested lying to the police to get DH in trouble was the same poster who advised OP to manipulate her husband into cutting vacation with his children short with promises of lingere and naked days in bed. Awesome advice 2 days in a row.

ybarra357's picture

I find it odd that your DH didn’t seem to care about you before OP. Now all of a sudden he’s your protector? This whole 'family' dynamic is off the charts weird!

ESMOD's picture

Did your DH and your son ever have any kind of good relationship?

If this is how he is responding to a "non-issue" with your son and blowing things out of proportion, you are not protecting your son from a hostile environment.

We hear this all the time. "how much do you want a man that you will completely foresake your child?"

Sweet T's picture

This is screwed up. This situation is very toxic for all involved. I would not be married to someone who played games like that with my child. I would not leave my child home alone in that situation either. Take off work and go home and figure out an exit plan.

JustAgirl42's picture

I see that too, but none of us were actually there to see the incident. So such a definitive statement cannot be made.

Actually it's called speculation, not common sense.

tonieye11's picture

"An accidental shoulder bump that knocked you over? I think you are being over protective of your son."

I disagree with this. My son is huge for his age. He's 3 and the size of a 5 year old. Small things that typical 3 year olds do like grabbing or bumping, if my son where to do it to another person his age would knock them down. He took my father out by the knees by running in to him excited for a hug. I'm sure by the time my son is a teenage him bumping me accidentally or not is going to knock me over. I agree that OP's son needs to be checked, SERIOUSLY checked, but if that's your bases of whether or not this was an accident, I'd think twice.

crackergirl's picture

Thank you for the responses. My son is not in any danger. I asked dh to run some errands after work today and bs is going to a friends house. I will pick him up on the way home. My dh has never been violent. He is quite the opposite and very laid back. I talked to him at length this afternoon and he thought bs shoulder checked me as he went by. He insists he saw bs shoulder check me which is why he chased him. He swears he just wanted to scare the hell out of him. I don't for a minute believe he would harm my ds physically but he did want him arrested to teach him a lesson. Mentally we are all over the place right now and I think we need some serious counseling. I've asked my preacher if he could meet with me tonight before service and he said yes. Hopefully he can recommend someone to straighten us out. Thank you for all the advice. Ds and I will be having a talk about what dh saw and if it is possible that is what he did.

ESMOD's picture

Take note that TWO people present saw your son's actions as physically aggressive. You saw it another way but is it possible he DID do it on purpose and was looking back to see what the reaction was? Then when he was "called" on his actions by your DH he reverted into crying.. because that's what bullies do?

Not saying your son is horrid.. but if 2 other people present saw things differently then maybe you need to take another look.

a better life's picture

Your son is not in any danger?? What? You just wrote a post about how your dh and sd conspired to have him legally charged for an accident. I think you need to rework your definition of danger.

Willow2010's picture

I am sure your son probably did shoulder check you. I am equally as sure that he immediately regretted it and that it won’t happen again due to the fall out. (police) IMHO…A shoulder check is not like he punched you in the face but still not a good thing to do to your mother. Truthfully…I probably would want to shoulder check you too if I was your kid. Think about his last month. He went from having a very involved SF to one that is mentally shitting on him every chance he gets. Your DH is purposely hurting your kid to get to you.

Sit them both down and have the following convo….

To DS …. I don’t know if you shoulder checked me or not, but let me tell you something…if something like that ever happens again, “I” will make you wish that someone would call the cops to save your little butt from ME.

To DH … I will not be going on vacation with you and your kids. There a few reasons and we will NOT rehash them. And from now on all parental duties are on the bio parent. The step parents should just be like friendly, respectful, Aunts and Uncles.

IMHO…your DH is abusing your son. Shame on you if you let it go on for ONE more minute.

WalkOnBy's picture

the ONE TIME ASS gave me the shoulder, my DH ran into his room and practically strangled him.

The ONE TIME Thing1 gave me the shoulder, I grabbed him by his shoulders and shook some sense into him. He was about 14 at the time.

You and I don't agree about much, but we can agree about bowing out of this blog.

Disneyfan's picture

I think all kids pull that crap with their parents. Those of us who give their kids hell when it's done, never have to deal with again.

Those parents who twist their hands, clutch their pearls and try to explain away Little Snowy's actions, will spend years trying to correct the behavior.

The OP's blogs smell fishy to me. Can't figure out what it is yet, but something just aint right here.

z3girl's picture

Totally agree.

My SDthen17 called the cops on DH when he took her (his) care away for 2 weeks for a bad attitude. She struggled to keep the keys, and even bit his arm and drew blood, and called the police when she still didn't get the keys back. Cops came and called her a spoiled brat and told DH one of them would buy the car from him if he decides to sell it over this.

DH didn't have any sort of conversation with SD after the fact explaining why what happened was so wrong. According to him, I was the only person with a problem with SD's behavior.

She's now 25, and was arrested last year for domestic violence herself. She seems to get into "stupid" trouble that may never have happened if she had been parented better when she was younger by both her parents.

Denial denial denial.

This situation is bad. OP needs to take her son and leave. It will not get better.

a better life's picture

Wait, your son will be there for 2 hours with the dh that just tried to set him up with the police? I'm hoping I got this fact wrong. Take your son and get out of there NOW! If he really felt it was a 'shoulder check' then dressing him down was fine but trying to get the police to arrest him especially when you believe it was an accident is not ok. Protect your child before lifelong damage is done.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Please don't get marriage counselling advice from non qualified religious recommended people. You should be working with a psychologist or medical professional if you want real help.

Acratopotes's picture

crackergirl...... take it from another mother with a boy, his bumping into you was not an accident, he did it on purpose and felt bad and said accident... it's a young boy trying to be a man, he was hurting and wanted to hurt you..
This will not happen again, it's actually a blessing that SD phoned 911... BS got the police to talk to him, believe me he will never try this again.

You are a protective mamma bear, of your son, and DH protects his kids..... instead of the 2 off you standing together and protecting all the children you are going tit for tat.... since the day you told DH you are disengaging from his kids, and then when DH told you, he's disengaging from your kid then... that made you angry and you keep on with tit for tat... accept it DH does not have to do for your kid what you do not want to do for his kids.

Yes I get it, your son has respect for adults, and is a really good kid, DH's kids are spoiled brats....
but you know what.... that's how you feel and that's how you see it, DH is feeling the same way and seeing the same thing, his kids are good yours is a brat.

Between you and DH you have managed to ruin your marriage, it's not the kids fault, it's the adults fault cause they like to hurt each other, you could've told BS... Hon you are going on holiday and we will take the other kids on holiday to keep peace in the home, end of discussion, your kid does not have the right to dictate family time spend, just as skids do not have the right to dictate family time. You and DH are suppose to take baby steps not bloody leaps. And you and DH are suppose to support each other, not each parent their child.

I suggest you take the therapy money and get a lawyer.. this marriage is beyond repair.

ESMOD's picture

I agree kids don't get to rule the roost. However, I do think that her DH's choice of vacation is particularly hurtful given the fact that this boy just missed out on a vacation to this exact place because his mother got in a power struggle with his step-dad.

I mean, the kid JUST missed a trip to Orlando and now his "family" has planned a trip when he can't go. That's just kind of rubbing salt in I would say. The original camping trip would have been a better choice.

Acratopotes's picture

tit for tat...

she demanded DH, herself and only her BS going to disney... cause DH owed it to her kid seeing he missed a school camping trip....

now DH give pay back....

my whole argument about the adults trying to win the battle and both adults forgetting there's actually children around them who gets hurt

ESMOD's picture

I agree... the adults are definitely creating the problems here and if they are at the point where the kids are being hurt intentionally as a way of "proving a point" then these two "adults" don't need to be together.

CANYOUHELP's picture

This appears to be one big power struggle and is not likely to stop and will just mess up a lot of kids and result in misery for all involved.

I think they need counseling, and, if not, they get away from each other. I do not think either one of they are acting reasonably with the other one.