When a parent gives up
DH has been stuggling with some big emotions lately - I thnk he's working through something with his counselor which is good. But I have zero idea what is going on.
I think he's disengaging from YSDstb15.
She's been here since Monday and we've hardly seen her - she's in her room almost all the time. Used to be he'd get her out at some point. Used to be that she'd be out of her room most of the evening. She's not participating in conversations at dinner, even when the conversation directly involves her - things that normally kids/teens would be all over - giving their opinion on stuff. She's tight as a clam.
Anyway last night DH and I made dinner and he set the table, usually YSDs 'job' that one has to ask her to do every.single.time. I mentioned that YSD hasn't been coming up lately....etc., just convo...DH says, and not at me and not angrily, "Well, my kids are weird." I paused, and said, "What? Did you say both your kids? Weird?" DH, "Yes, they are wierd and I can't do anything about it." Ok, we move on. YSD is a clam at dinner - and actually she doesn't look well. We had a big talk about wearing two masks moving forward, YSD didn't say, "hey, i wear two masks on public transit..." (DH told me he found out via BM that she already does this) She likes to one-up people so this is odd. She also failed to mention OSD was very sick last week and they ALL got COVID tested. That is unacceptable and I told DH so.
After dinner, when YSD "goes to bed" at 7:15 again (excuse I think), And after she makes another excuse to not play chess with DH (he got her a chess set for xmas and they haven't played one time yet - she'd be good at it), DH says something like, "I hope that all these skills she's learning serve her well in the job market when she goes out there." Me - "What?" He repeats. My SM senses are now on alert. Me, "What do you mean?" He explains that he's done all he can and that she's on her own and he can't do any more. Me, "You know, you can...." (oooooops!) DH, "Like WHAT? It's too late anyway." Me, "Not too late and yes, things should have been done sooner." DH - scoffs. "Really, no, I'd like to know what? I'd like ideas." So at this point he's PO'd at me. I'm out. "No, I'm not going to talk with you about it now. I've told you in the past what you could do and made suggestions and none of them are ever taken. I'm not going to start again." Then I was done. Because I have tried, and tried - with no changes ever happening.
And this is partly how I see YSD falling into the PAS - I predict she'll be gone this summer, esp. if COVID remains an issue.