Vacation Continued....
It's a long saga...
We are currently reading "Stepcoupling" by Susan Wisdom. DP says to me the other night, after reading further, “This is going to be really hard. Much harder than I thought.” Pause. “I couldn’t do this without you, you know.”
We have identified a family counselor, but DP hasn't moved on it yet. So long as DP stands by his decision I think it’ll be good because we are still in a good place. He just can’t let SDs decide whether to go or not:
DP, “How are we going to get the SDs to go?”
Me, “I don’t think it’s a choice for them.”
DP, “But they might fight it.”
Me, “They are 9 and 11. They go. Period. That’s the point of the counseling, right?”
DP, sighs.
If you don't already get it, he is big with "sighing."
Meanwhile this past weekend.
DP says, “When was the last time we did something with the SDs all together?”
Me: “Roller-skating last month.”
DP, “No, I mean went away somewhere.”
Me: “Summer trip in July” (after which I put my foot down about traveling for too long with them)
DP, “What if we do something with them?”
Me: “This weekend? Away somewhere?”
DP, “Yes. Like going on a ‘creative writing’ weekend. Something with a theme. Get SD11 away from her computer/phone.”
Me: “That sounds good, let me know what you come up with.”
We ended up not going anywhere because some decisions on Europe trip were made.
1) his dad’s cancer is progressing and he’s worried to leave for 3-4 weeks, a valid concern; his dad moved into Hospice Care last week. His siblings have also put their travel plans on hold due to illness progression time frame and
2) we decided to concentrate on looking for a more suitable house. Which means we would have to move at the latest 10 days before our trip would start and take some of the cash for the trip. Whether we rent or buy is up in the air but we are looking at a purchase, which both of us feel very comfortable with.
We met with a realtor this past weekend and I’m going to contact Mortgage brokers this week as we’ll start looking at homes in a week. We cannot live in our current house another year due to some structural/absent-slum landlord/layout problems. So it’s kind of exiting. We still plan on a trip together just not as long and NO SDs. He actually had to clarify this with me, “You mean we go alone, right? No girls?” hesitantly. YES DP NO SDs!!!! We are taking them to AZ for a week already and we have tentative plans for some cheap road trips this summer. NO MORE AIRFARES FOR SDs right now.
SD11 managed to slip in quite a few references to us taking them on any vacation we go on over the weekend, AND asking, “You would take us on a honeymoon, right?!” WTF? NO and NO and NO. DP said, "No way! It's a honeymoon!" I'm anticipating issues with this now. :jawdrop:
I also spoke with DP today and he's going to make it clear to SDs that our Europe trip delay is NOT due to them because the situation is going to come up again. He said that yes, and he understands why. He'll be talking with them tonight.
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LOL - exactly. We already
LOL - exactly.
We already came to that conclusion with our house.
SD11 bedroom is in a "loft" area right outside our bedroom. So when she's there we are in celibate mode for days/weeks at a time. Seriously, the house has NO privacy at all.
Why do these men think its
Why do these men think its healthy to revolve their lives around their kids when they have remarried/in new relationship?! By all means if they want to do this then stay single, but dragging your new partner around like a doll is disrespectful and wasteful...you only get one life so bloody well live it. Its also extremely unhealthy to teach your kids they can run your lives and unrealistic because what self entitled, spolit, selfish shits are they going to become? They will always think they can run other peoples lives while they are at the centre. Its unattractive and these types of people are never really happy, as they always want more, always want to be number one and have unrealistic expectations. Setting them up to fail!Ofcourse no child is going to be happy to hear they are missing out on fun vacations but so long as they are included in the stepfamily and not shunned, plus they are themselves not missing out (sounds like they really arent given they are going on vacation anyway) then its something they have to adapt to! Their parents sre divorced and sometimes its not possible for them tobe included in every damn thing, and nor should they! What makes it more difficult is if dad has failed to parent them effectively, meaning their out of control behaviour makes the vacation a nightmare. That is on the parents, not the stepparents!I remember how peed off my skid was when dh and I took a 30th birthday holiday trip to disney in florida (which I paid for). Tbh we didnt mention it to ss until just before because I knew both ss and bm would throw a fit about how awful we are, how upset ss was...bm likes to,forget about the fact when we have tried to take ss to even see family a few hours away for a couple of days she arranged things purposely so we would be forced to cut short the trip, she kept ringing asking if ss was "sure" he didnt want her to get him, we couldnt pick him up until late pre trip either and this ended with dh and I having a massive argument as he was equally wrong in allowing her to control the long weekend which really offended and upset my family! So like hell was I going to risk having to personally fund a trip bm would pull the plug on and not to mention that ss was sooooo immature for his age as he got treated like a baby, would cling to dh like a limpet, ignore me, act like a spoilt brat which dh refused to parent and I would be ignored by dh as it become 100% the ss show. Joy. I literally had to drag dh on the holiday as he would feel guilty, comstantly harp on about missing ss or how ss would love this/that and the argument this would cause because dh would be pissy. Lets just say it was a make or break hol and I nearly divorced dh over the fact he nearly ruined the hol with his attitude (it took me several years to save for the vacation).
Its great that dp told them no about the honeymoon immediately, but how annoying she thought that they would be included :jawdrop:
Yes, yes and yes. It's about
Yes, yes and yes. It's about entitlement and spoiled and never hearing the word "NO." We've really just begun to encounter the issues with SDs in full force as they were really good until about 5 months ago.
DP is at least actually working on his responses and is already better than he was prior to an Xmas incident at which his eyes were at least partially yanked open. So he sees a little more clearly every month. That gives me hope.
I learned really early on
I learned really early on that if I mention having kids with skids dad they literally turn white. Now, I am not planning on having any kids but I like mentioning it every now and then just to shake the skids tree. Maybe you should say some off handed comment like "how will your dad and I make a sister or a brother for you if you go with us on our honeymoon". LMAO! I would pay to see the look on their faces.
DP made a comment about me
DP made a comment about me and him MOVING to England the other night. He's half-way serious about this and things got REALLY quiet for a few minutes...LOL.