Not bad, not bad at all.
SDs were with BM a day early because of her bday so we had an extra day w/out them.
It was funny...made an awesome dinner on Saturday night and DH was very concerned that the SDs didn't acknowledge me at all for Mother's Day.
DH, "I am concerned that they didn't say anything to you about it...after all, SD13 is proud to call you SM."
Me, "Well, I'm not their mom so I get it."
DH, "But, it really bothers me that they talk up MD and you are not even considered."
Me, "To tell you the truth, it doesn't bother me. What would bother me is my birthday and Xmas. If they ignored me then, you bet it I'd be hurt."
DH, "ok, that's good to know, but it's still bothering ME."
Me, "Well, maybe you should talk with them. Figure out how to mediate that..."
So that was good.
Then we talked about SD13's room again (it's horribly dirty and smells again).
I mentioned to him that last week SD13 had said that, essentially, she likes her room at BMs, but doesn't really care about her room at our house. !!
I ignored her comment but we discussed this. He needs to find out why she thinks this. A clue is that BM re-did her room FOR her around her 13th bday and she is also expected to keep it to a certain cleanliness level (she does have ramifications for it there).
I told DH that we could agree to update her room, which she's grown out of so I understand if she wants to change it, with qualifications:
1) She keeps it clean NOW, for x months in a row.
2) She preps room for painting and cleans it for painting (we'll help but she also does this).
3) She must assist in all painting and cleanup.
4) If she wants a new bed cover or curtains, she must give $x towards it (she's got a ton of gift certs to Target she could use)...we'll provide the sheets.
5) No crazy colors or complex patterns. We have final ok over color choice.
I don't know if he'll actually do this with her, but that's 100% up to him to discuss.
If she doesn't want to update it because she just doesn't care about her place in OUR home, or if we do update it and the same mess happens, I will go back to scorched earth policy and trash it all. If she doesn't care, then I WILL care and take care of my home.
Meanwhile working with DH on some household projects. Since I've realized he's terrible at planning what to do/when even with lists, I took over. If I plan it then he will help, and he gets input. So a bunch of stuff got done. He's not allowed to ever run a chainsaw again however so I get to call someone to cut down a few smallish trees (I was ready to call 911 as he was working on the smallest one...oh man talk about wanting to close my eyes and at the same time needing to watch in case something bad happened). He's not a power tool guy.
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I would simply just clean out
I would simply just clean out her room, paint it and get new curtains etc... no need for a new bed,
stick to pastel colors.... it's only 5 years till she will not be over anymore, then you at least have a nice spare bedroom for guests.... oh and after the clearing out and cleaning and new paint, simply tell her.. keep it like this or there will be consequences...
That's my plan...I'd really
That's my plan...I'd really like to just strip the room, paint the walls back to a neutral off-white color, and get some new (discount) bedding (actually she does need this). BUT then I have DH to contend with and I'm NOT painting that room by myself.
We discussed it now I ignore it unless DH says something.