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Masks and P*ss on toilet exposed

Cover1W's picture

it's taken me some time to work out how to say all this because it was a lot of information at once.

DH basically had it out with YSD15 about her constant mask wearing in our home (and in our yard - outside) AND her p*ss on the toilet seat (shocker - it had continued and DH was done with it). He did GREAT people. It was like the time when OSD stepped over the line and DH suddenly became a parent.

* YSD tried to blame her mask wearing on the fact I had a neighbor over for a couple hours on Saturday with no masks.

Counter:  Neighbor is vaccinated, she was seated 6 feet away, windows/french doors were open, I've been forced isolating for over a week with injury, neighbor is one of the THREE people in our 'pod' so what is the actual issue?

* But we aren't following the COVID guidelines

Counter:  Yes, we are, we've been extremely careful (DH outlines guidelines, reminds her again of where I work and that I am up on all guidelines because of this), etc.  Does she wear a mask at BMs?  Of course not!  Why not?  Are you there all the time? No?  So why are we the "dangerous" house and it's "safe" at BMs? So why did DH get a snarky/passive aggressive email from BM with a reminder that we need to follow the guidelines?  YSD, did you talk with BM about this rather than us? 

* YSD talked with OSD17, not BM!

Counter:  ....ok then, but you need to come to ME for situations in our home.

* YSD should have been consulted before anyone came over.

Counter:  NO. That will not happen, we are the adults you are the child. We make day to day decisions and you are not always going to be consulted about adult decisions.  And you were wearing your mask before this visit even happened, so this is not the reason, it's bigger than that and recent - what is going on?

* But DH rides his bike without a mask.

Counter:  Excuse me?  Where does he ride? With other people? No. In unpopulated areas? Yes. Does he carry a mask if he needs to go through town? Yes and he uses it.  And how is exercising w/out others, alone, against Covid guidelines?  In fact, the birthday/group meeting YOU, YSD, want to go to tomorrow, is precisely what you should NOT be doing. Have you discussed how everyone is protecting themselves and family from exposure, wearing masks appropriately, vaccinated, etc?  No?  Well, you shouldn't go if you think this home is so dangerous - THAT is vastly more of a risk that we ever have been. YOU are the wild card, YSD, not us....etc.

Moved on toilet issue:

Basically she's afraid to sit down because of germs. "Dangerous" dirty house we have here apparently. She's "trying" to get better at this - wasn't clear about what 'get better' meant. DH says, apparently it's not working because it's been happening for a long time now and again recently and he's sick of 'cleaning her p*ss up." And related this to the Covid fear - taking it to an extreme that's effecting her and others around her. Made it clear that p*ss leaving will not be tolerated in this house any longer. It's done.

Then he followed up with letting her know he loves her and that she's smart and that he wants her to be well and a good person. To her credit she stuck around for the whole thing unlike OSD who would have screamed and yelled and ran to her room to call BM. She cried througout it.  DH did let her go but only on the caveat that she remove her mask in our home since we ARE Covid free and there's no risk here.

She's supposed to come back tonight, going back to BM's tomorrow evening.  We'll see if she does.  I told DH he did very good, didn't lose his temper, didn't let her get away with no answers or incorrect information.  He didn't get sucked into the BM/OSD blame game. He also told me he thinks she's scared of me because she's refusing to come into the house until he's there - standing outside the door until he opens it...let him know THAT is OSDs influence; I could see through her and called her out on things, just like I do with YSD. DH agreed but doesn't want me to stop. So that's good - YSD tries not to be alone with me and this explains why.  Yeah, 'cause I'm so mean I don't think the SDs are the center of the universe.


tog redux's picture

OMG. Guidelines are that vaccinated people can be around unvaccinated people who are low risk and in one household. So if you and friend were both vaccinated, you were well within the guidelines.

And get her some antiseptic wipes so she can clean the seat before she sits down.

Good for your DH. Sounds like some PAS going on. 

Cover1W's picture

Thanks Tog - it's for sure PAS.  We've suspected this for a little while with YSD but the good house vs. bad house really was clearly aired yesterday. And OSD is behind some of it as we both also suspected.

DH has a bottle of Lysol cleaner and paper towels on the back of the toilet - for weeks now. She ignores it.  I'll have him get wipes next time we have a store run.  Good idea.

He's done messing around and being the scapegoat!

BethAnne's picture

I never got those that are afraid of germs on toilet seats. I mean, I don't want to sit on ones that are visibly grimy and will clean them first or avoid them, but a clean looking toliet seat touching my butt and's not as if I am going to catch anything from some germs getting on my flesh, plus I wash my hands afterwards so even if I have to touch the seat I know I will be fine. 

Hopefully working through some simple logic with SD will help her to see the idiocy of her actions and help her to change her habits.  


advice.only2's picture

If she feels the bathroom is so unsanitary why doesn't she just use a wipe and wipe down the seat before she sits?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Go, Mr. Cover!!!

If SD is sooooo worried about a germy toilet seat, she could put tp on the frigging seat. She could use a cotton ball and some rubbing alcohol to kill those horrific toidy germs... but of she would stop p*ssing on it.... 

Sandybeaches's picture

this doesn't seem like a big deal to me.  If she wants to wear a mask why do you care and what difference does it make to you?  No different than wearing something on her head or a jacket.   

As far as the toilet seat yes leaving urine behind is disgusting!!!  Tell her to put up the toilet seat before she goes as she isn't going to sit anyway.  Problem solved.  

Everyone has had it shoved down their throats that the virus is going to kill them. Maybe she has developed a fear.  I seriously don't understand why the mask is such a problem for you? I would let it go.  She will work through it.  

Cover1W's picture

1) Because PAS. And it did turn out to be a total F U to our home and us.

2) P*ssing has been addressed several times by DH with no resolution. And you think I have control of this situation?  NOPE  But I do now.

3) If this wasn't a new 'thing' it would be ok - the issue is DH asked her about it. We were ignoring it but we've been discussing the pandemic openly from the start so it was a relevant topic.

Sandybeaches's picture

I think the virus and the Pandemic is just as much a personal thing as any other topic out there today.  She has a right to her feelings.  I am sorry that most won't agree with that but she does.  Doesn't matter what you or your DH think.  People were also told not to gather not to have strangers around, even wear masks with family.  She is not a member of your household, so she may be stuck on that detail.  

The underlying fact here is your  offended thinking SD thinks you and your house are dirty or germ ridden.  As a germ phobe myself, while some houses worry me more than others, it's across the board! While I certainly do not think she should pee on your toilet seat and leave it, I think telling her how to navigate that by putting up the seat if she is not going to sit down, is better than telling her not to do it.  The door is closed she is going to do it anyway even if you tell her not to.  So if your real  issue is the pee on the seat then that solves it.  I have the feeling that is not your only issue, you want her to sit on the seat and I can tell you I don't think your plan will work, as I said the door is closed.  So unless you plan to go in with her, tell her to put up the seat if she isn't planning on sitting down.  As for the mask seriously let it go she will get over it.  You drawing all of that attention to it makes it a bigger issue.

Cover1W's picture

PAS = parental alienation.  It happend with OSD and is starting with YSD.  Mom's home = perfect/good, dad's home = awufl/Bad. 

Sure, I agree with you about the pandemic.  I WORK in a place that helped develop the vaccine.  I'm STEEPED in it now for over a year.  Yes we ARE following the guidelines, I won't argue this with you either. Opinion does not equal the truth.  I belive in science over a 15 YO's opinion.  Ultimately is wasn't about the mask.

And do you have experience with the p*ss on the seat - this is NOT a small amount. I don't give two cr*ps HOW she's peeing but NOT leaving it for others to clean up or just leaving it, period, is wrong.  DH is now dealing with this as will I. I'm not sure what 'plan' you are referring to unless it's making her clean it up every time. We cannot watch her BEFORE she pees to make sure the seat is lifted - and you think she'll even touch it?  LOL. 

Sandybeaches's picture

I wasn't arguing with you, just giving my opinion.  This is a blog where opinions are the subject and you brought it to an opinion board.   My opinion is just different than yours and I am just pointing out other ideas and thoughts.  I am also doing that so that you can maybe look at it differently and come up with a better solution for you.  

I do have experience with SK's not flushing the toilet after they peed.  They felt that this was only pee and could accumulate for a few uses before flushing.  I was not a fan.  It was not for the same reason as your SD but it still was not what I wanted.  I explained to them flushing was necessary even in the middle of he night.  I paid the water bill and while appreciated their thought to save we were good and they could feel welcome to flush every time and a second time if necessary.  I decided until it was under control I would just flush before I put the seat up every time and then there were no surprises! 

Your response has a lot "I's" in it.  If you don't care how she pees just tell her as I said, put the seat up before you pee since you are not sitting anyway, this avoids leaving a mess behind.  Whether you follow guidelines or not she feels she wants to wear a mask I wouldn't sweat it and I would let it go.  No argument just my opinion.  

MissK03's picture

I bought these as a gag gift for Christmas... they aren't sanatizing but... maybe your SD can use them if she doesn't feel "clean"

Also, good for your DH. They need reality checks! My SD is queen of well you this... or wellllll youuu that... really gets under my skin but, I/SO address it when it's happening. 

Cover1W's picture

But, but it contains swear words!  OMG a swear word!  She's offended by swear words.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Does she realize that the wearing of the mask is primarily to protect *others* from *your* germs? If she did, she sounds like the kind of person who wouldn't wear one nearly as much. 

Cover1W's picture

I pointed this out to DH but her main focus was her opinion that we were not being careful he chose to focus on that. And asked her if she had read anything on her own (nope never will, her opinion is the truth).

SteppedOut's picture

She acts like a damn billy goat in the bathroom, but is worried about YOUR germs? That's rich....

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Evil Aniki thinks your DH should find a suitable tree and pile up some leaves next to it for SD. *diablo*

Winterglow's picture

If she feels that HER bathroom is germ-ridden, I'm sure she could clean it from top to bottom as soon as she arrives for her visitation so she knows that it's clean to her stringent standards. 

No matter HOW she pees, there is absolutely NO reason for leaving piss all over the seat, none. That's just plain filthy. Does she leave piss all over the seat at her mother's home, at school, in restaurants? Has she no consideration for others? 

Cover1W's picture

THAT is a good point.  DH cleans it before she arrives every time. OR the housecleaner does. She is never required to clean it.  Not good enough?  Here's the cleaning supplies, go for it.

Apparently it's only our home, of course not at BMs!  Not sure about public places or friends homes, but that is my question to her if I catch it again.  It's just unacceptable ANYWHERE.