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Driving me....

Cover1W's picture


YSD14.5 has been practicing hand stands the whole week. In the living room, in her room, on the front deck, rarely outside. "Ker-thunk-thunk" all the time. I'm ignoring it as DH isn't saying anything. I simply go where I cannot hear it. He's only got on her case ONCE about it.

And she's still claiming she cannot walk up or down stairs. But can do handstands, coming down hard on her feet. Uh-huh. I said, "Ironic you can do that for hours but you cannot walk down the stairs." She agreed. (The meaning of ironic escaping her.)

She's also doing more odd vocalizations. Strange little humming or "huh"-ing noises that can go on for quite some time. DH hasn't said anything either. So buh-bye.

She was also really excited about making "sand cakes" with one of her friends a couple days ago. She's 14.5! Just wierdo.

She leaves tomorrow and while she's not a bad teen, she's just really immature sometimes (no, no menses yet, but not my deal to worry about).

And still no high school decisions. I think this coming week is the deadline. Our district released their virtual school plan and it's NOT good. So I am now against her going to our district, but letting DH and BM figure it out. Not my deal either.


JRI's picture

I would have thought she was practicing for cheerleading but I guess not this year.

advice.only2's picture

Is she on the spectrum? From what you are describing it sounds like more than just immaturity.  Both her parents are so neglectful it's atrocious.  I'm just curious how does this make you feel about your DH?  I know when me and DH were in the thick of our issues I had no respect or desire for him.  When Spawn moved out we went through a mini honeymoon phase, but then I got mad at him.  I finally stopped blaming Spawn and started accepting this had been on DH.  That is when I truly was considering leaving him, it took me several years to get over the mad.  Now we are okay, but it too real time and effort to come back from that.  Sorry I know I went off on a tangent, but I just wonder how others deal with it.  

Cover1W's picture

As YSD has been here more regularly, it'seasier to see her patterns than 3/4 days EOW schedule. I told DH several months ago about how autism in girls often shows up in their early teens more clearly. He, of course, "no way, can't be, she's normal, it's not., etc." I let him talk that out and told him that of course I'm not her parent but I see all of these behaviors and gave him a couple websites about girls and autism to look at then ended the conversation. Nothing has been said to me since, but he HAS discussed this with his counselor - he DID look at those websites and considered it more serously. But, of course, nothing is ever done.

He had a little run-in with YSD this weekend over something and he was all upset about it, told me what happened, and I said, "Then if she doesn't want to, drop it. If she's going to be persnikety and a teen then just don't do it. This is EXACTLY why I don't do things like that for her any longer - she loses support otherwise." Then he start on about contacting BM because 'what is going on over at her house anyway....?"  WTF? "DH, it's not BMs home only - she is NOT going to help you, never has never will, YSD is being a normal 14.5 YO and if she has attitude towards you then she doesn't get to do it, period. That's is, don't blame anyone else!" (it's really a normal thing in this instance) So the autism thingy is just something to be ignored because he "doesn't see it" and he'd have to discuss it with BM who is similarly head in the sand. The lack of parenting from either of them is just....just...appalling.

I love DH, he's great with me most of the time. I can tell you I don't spend a lot of time with him when YSD is here because I cannot be around it; she's also becoming more clingy with him and will follow him around during the day or evening (what is WITH that with these teen girls!?) so I do my own thing. I've told him that I'm not part of them and I don't fit in because no one includes me so I'm not going to bother.

I think if YSD was truly poorly behaved, stealing, out of control, I would feel differently but she's a pretty good human being overall.