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I am officially done as a SM

Cooooookies's picture

I am only DH's wife now.  I don't think DH understands fully yet but this only blew up this morning.  This is my second day off work so I decided to be a bit naughty and have my beloved peanut M&M's at 10am.  Just a few.  I already had them hidden in the drawer of the t.v. cabinet as PigFace15 ate the other 2.2 pound bag.  Open the drawer.  EMPTY.

I have never felt my heart palpitate so hard.  My leg, my whole body was shaking fiercely with anger.  I marched upstairs, threw open PF's door, shut off his fan and tapped him on the side of his pigfaced head.

Me:  So you think my hiding my M&M's in the tv drawer meant that you COULD eat them?!  That I WANTED you too?!  When you've already gotten in trouble for eating these before?!?!?!?!?  You DID eat them, didn't you??!!!

PF:  Terrified dumb blank stare

Me:  Yes or F'ing No

PF:  Nods his pig head

Me:  I am done with you.  You can eat shizz.  Took his PS4, satellite tv box and tablet and went downstairs.

DH woke up and came down later.  I told him what PF did and that I'm going out because I'm so angry I could kill his damn child.  Went to a coffee shop for about 2 hours.  Came back and told DH I'm done.  He can parent or not parent PF as he sees fit.  Since his spoiled selfish piggy brat specifically spent energy and time to find the one thing he KNOWS he cannot eat....and ate them...I'm done.

I told DH that I will not be targeted like that.  I will NOT be the only parent in this house anymore.  It's not my fault that BM2 pays 5 minutes of attention to him per year.  It's also not my fault that you want to pity him rather than parent him.  THIS is the result.  I'm out.

DH called me from work and asked if PF had eaten.  I don't know.  Surely you saw him in the kitchen?  Not my worry anymore, DH.  I'm done.

I don't think DH fully comprehends yet.  He's lucky he's just a lousy parent and not a lousy DH.  Though I think eventually, it won't matter.  We'll see.

 

Comments

Teas83's picture

The straw that broke the camel's back....it's always something that might seem insignificant to others, but after dealing with years of this nonsense it's not insignificant at all. It pisses me off when these kids are told over and over again not to touch something that doesn't belong to them and they keep doing it anyway. Of course our idiot husbands continue to undermine our authority and refuse to discipline, so their children don't take us seriously.

 

I'm about fed up with step life today so I totally feel you and your frustration.

Cooooookies's picture

Thanks Teas.  It's just 5 years of DH not parenting.  I realize it's DH who has turned PF into this disgusting...thing.  But now I cannot stand the thing he's turned into.  I'm sure this will get way worse before it gets better.  UGH!!

OneTiredChick's picture

So AFTER you told DH what PF did he still had the balls to call you to see if PF ate? Did you ask him if his head was up his own ass when you previously told him you’re done with PF and that was why he didn’t hear you?

I'm so sorry you went through this. So many times a DH/SO will trivialize things like this, possibly thinking, "It was candy! They do make more!" What they’re missing is that it’s just another violation of the stepparent and the boundaries the stepchild should not cross. They can’t see the big picture and instead want to look at the single infraction. They just don’t get it. 

Cooooookies's picture

PF told DH that he ate them a couple days ago. I only noticed the bag was gone this morning. I only eat a few every so often. I made the first bag DH bought me last around 8 months. PF never knew about that bag. 

Since we've moved,  I have not found a great hiding place. It peeves me off that I even need to hide the very few things I lay claim to.

DH is your classic ostrich.  The fact that I've disengaged will take him awhile to digest. This is only Day 1.

I love dogs's picture

Why can't skid just have his own bag of candy?

OneTiredChick's picture

In my house stepspawn does have her own candy. She hides it in her room and eats everything in the kitchen, as if the great candy famine is upon us and she needs to hoard her supply. 

Cooooookies's picture

Skid has loads of food. He has ice cream cones that only he eats. He has plenty of food in this house,  including sweets and snacks, that is bought for his consumption.

I asked that my m&m's not be touched. One darn thing out of an entire kitchen full of food.  It is just pure greed and spite.

strugglingSM's picture

Maybe PF’s punishment is that there are no snacks in the house going forward.

I admit, I laughed when I read your story, because I can so see it happening to me. There will be a bunch of snacks carefully selected because they reflect SSs’ tastes and they will eat whatever I bought for myself. Once I came home to find a dip tray I had purchased for an event, torn open and lying on the counter with chips in it. I could tell which ones they liked and which they didn’t, but now the whole thing was unusable.

For me, Coke Zero is like your Peanut M&Ms. I once came home and SS was drinking the last Coke Zero because “he was thirsty”. Um, we have a bunch of Capri Suns left over from a family event that somehow just sit there, but by all means drink my last Coke Zero, the one I was thinking about drinking on my entire drive home. DH made excuses, too. 

If I really bought something just for me, I hide it in my room, as long as it doesn’t need to be refrigerated. 

Maybe hide your M&Ms in your underwear drawer. Then if PF eats them, you can also call him a perve for snooping in your underwear drawer.

NarcissisticSkids's picture

Bingo- I always kept my sweet treats in my underwear drawer...always....okay, sometimes I may smell like chocolate, but at least my stash was there when I got home from a stressful day at work (thinking about chocolate the whole way home)...Of course, if it vanishes from your underwear drawer, that might mean you have a bigger problem than you thought...........

bananaseedo's picture

We learned w/3 teens long ago to hide our food in our room -chocolates or other valuables we really like - not worth the high blood pressure.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Cooooookies, I'm ready to hop a plane and force-feed M&Ms to PF until he's so sick, he will never again be able to so much as LOOK at a bag without gagging. Right after I kick your DH square in the arse with my pointy-toe b!tch boots, smack him in the back of the head, and bark, "PARENT, damm!t!!!" Diablo

A great hiding place is at the bottom of a box of Tampons. Or in spare purse in your closet. I actually have a SAFE and the key is locked in my car. Even DH does not have access to my car keys.

Cooooookies's picture

I REFUSE to further hide things in my own home.  If he keeps eating the one or two items I claim out of a fully stocked kitchen?  Then one or two of his items shall go missing.  I'm done being nice or understanding.

hereiam's picture

I don't blame you one bit, it's pure disrespect.

And why is your husband asking YOU if his 15 year old kid ate? He's not a toddler.

"Don't know, don't care", would be my answer. About everything regarding the step kid.

Cooooookies's picture

He has "high functioning" autism.  High functioning compared to what, I'm not sure.  A potato, perhaps?

Only because I'm home (p*ssed off) AND his only form of entertainment was ripped away - he's being good.  Normally he rots up in his room on his gaming chair, not eating, drinking, washing, brushing, bathing.  Moving.

He'll be back to his slovenly ways tomorrow when DH and I are both at work.

However, my give-a-damn button is broken.

DaizyDuke's picture

UGH I can't tell you the number of times that I nearly lost my marbles over SD just helping herself to my things.  Be it makeup, hair products, food, phone chargers, luggage, my shower.....well pretty much EVERYTHING!.  And no matter how many times I'd yell at DH about it, she'd continue to do it... which of course meant that he was saying nothing to her because we wouldn't want to upset poopsie, and as you said, he'd rather pity her than parent her.  So freaking annoying. 

I just got to the point where if I noticed she took my lipgloss out of the drawer, I'd go in her bedroom when she and DH were gone and I'd take my lipgloss back along with 1 or 2 items of hers.  I'd never use any of her makeup or wear any of her clothes, but I'd still take the stuff and then just chuck it in the garbage.  Tit for tat right?  How do you like it when YOUR shit disappears?? I know it sounds childish, but there was no sense complaining to DH because he'd just fight with me and do nothing, so that activated my bitch mode. 

Cooooookies's picture

OMG it is so good to hear that you've done the same.  Not that's it good you lived the same nightmare, just the tit for tat.  I am so sick of this little turd doing and eating what he likes.  Next time he helps himself, I swear I will throw whatever food item that he likes in the garbage.  The joys of being in love with a disney dad.

*smashesheadagainstawall"

Cover1W's picture

I get it.  I would seriously buy a large locker, put it in/near the kitchen with a big LOCK on it.  Only YOU know the combo. 

I am not surprised he called you about PFs lunch, not in the least.  DH still expects me to laugh about "how funny" SD14 is.

MoominMama's picture

My god do i know how you're feeling. It's like your head wants to explode .  Don't even start me on the high functioning thing (i love the comparison btw). It will never stop imo, unless you lock it up. I know you dont want to but they just have no conscience  Zero. Beginning to think ss sticky fingers is a sociopath.

I dont understand your dh though, asking if the brat had dinner?? Why should you care even?

Get a cash box with a good sturdy lock and tape pics of m&m's on it plus and other sweets he really likes to goad him. His father should be punishing him amd making him replace whatever he takes. Why doesnt he.? Playing nice guy? Or is it the autism card again? Either way it's not helping the situation. 

Cooooookies's picture

He does it all - nice guy, autism card, guilt.  Loads of guilt.  I try to explain that no amount of guilt can change the past but it sure is screwing up the present and future.  DH knows it but he can't quite get there.  He'll crack down for a few days but the pity and guilt creeps back in.

It's not against me but it affects me, of course.  I just don't know how to get DH to actually change.  It's so frustrating.

 

MoominMama's picture

Just wondering... Does he only take your sweets Cooookie? Or would he steal some sweets of your dh too? Wondering if this is about you and he wants to take specifically from you.?

Cooooookies's picture

He'll take anything that is junk food and easy to grab.  He's never actually gone searching like this though.  That's what really infuriates me.  This particular time is like it was targeted against me.

Cooooookies's picture

Lol that wouldn't work as it's a front loader with a clear plastic door.  Also right in the kitchen...England.

SMto3's picture

I go through this crap too. The worst was when I was pregnant and they ate my Froot Loops. I think I made a post about it. Nothing like having all of your snacks eaten without your consent! 

notasm3's picture

My adult SS (33 years old) drank five 1.7 litre bottles of booze while we were out of town.  That's the alkie's version of eating pounds of chocolate. He's almost certainly bi-polar. Not my problem.  Neither my DH nor I drink hard liquor, but  we bought it for entertaining.

That was just a "piss on you" action just like your SS's eating your M&Ms.

Toxic Situation's picture

It isn't about the M&Ms, but these are the kinds of small things that remind us of the big issues that really bother us. How many times have I commented to my DW about SS17s actions and she has said, "It's just..." or "He was only..." But the issue is a kid who lives in my apartment for whom I can set no boundaries or rules.

Just the other day, he was playing video games and he can talk to his cousins remotely, who are also playing the game with him. You might say that he was just minding his own business, but I was extremely irritated at the sound of his voice. I thought about it and considered that it was not about his voice, the issue is that this is a kid for whom I can set no boundaries or rules, and the sound of his voice is filling our entire living space.

 

Ladystark's picture

The no rules kills me.  It makes my libido go away...and this teen attitude we have been dealing with, dh still talks about ss14 like he is 8!!!  "Oh he did not know"  ive been hearing that ALL OF SS LIFE, well when will ss14 know?? "He did not mean what he said." Uh well it hurt my feelings, but my feelings do not count i guess... then everything ss14 does gets under my skin...from eating my food, to making a mess, to him just talking!  

And he has the teen b.o. bad,  so i have to smell him, and his room too!!  

 

Cooooookies's picture

"I thought about it and considered that it was not about his voice, the issue is that this is a kid for whom I can set no boundaries or rules, and the sound of his voice is filling our entire living space."

^^^^^ALLLLLL of this^^^^^^^!!!!!  Exactly!!!  SS15's voice annoys the shat out of me.  Except it's not really about his voice or the M&M's.  It's that he's becoming this lazy, lying, thieving, smelly, failing, helpless, useless POS.  All because he has no expectations and very little rules.  He could be so much more...but I am DONE fighting his bio parents.  It's just not worth it anymore.

Ladystark's picture

Peanut m&ms, awesome, i love them too!!  If i get them they stay in my room. I buy so much stuff for them- that the few things i get for me are either in my room, or in pots and pans!!  

Recently my irritation is i like tea/lemonade....ss14 has never drank my lemonade, but the last 2 times i bought lemonade it was gone so fast...this third time..ss pours a hug cup of half n half, right in front of me, and it sinks in he has been drinking it too!! Ugh.  Im off sodas because of diurtic- im not a coffee drinker- my soda was coffee- so ive reduced to tea and lemonade in morning, then water rest of day because of diurtic! And this selfish teen is drinking it!!  He has a bunch of drinks i buy for them!! So now i keep my lemonade in downstairs fridge- sucks for me but so over fighting about food and drinks! I just keep things as seperate as i can.

The downstairs fridge is overstock, and ss will go down there to poke around sometimes, but he is to lazy to get something out of it and put it back, or get something without being asked to get it. So he would have to really be on a mission to drink my lemonade from downstairs.

But i feel ya- it sucks but saves you a headache keeping your stash in your room somewhere!!  

 

Cooooookies's picture

It's just ridiculous and irritating.  Drinking all of my drink happens too.  There is one drink, ONE, I lay claim to and that goes as well.  I guess I have to start hiding things in my room.  That's a pain though as all the bedrooms are upstairs while everything else is on the main floor. 

F'ing skids!  

Cooooookies's picture

I've also found chocolate bars on amazon that are made with Carolina chilli peppers.  Very much considering this option.  Leaving it as bait and coming home from work to PF complaining his mouth and throat hurts.  Smile

notsobad's picture

Skids like this just bring out the very worst in an SM. 

You can be the nicest most accepting person in the world but when a skid uses up the last of your very expensive salon shampoo with no repercussions or reprimands from their parent, it makes you want to fill the bottle with Nair!

I have fantasies of sending you rabbit turds covered in chocolate sealed up in an   M&Ms bag! Let skid find and eat one of them!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Roll some of those M&Ms in habanero powder.

As for hiding it upstairs, I'd buy a mini fridge and place it in public view - LOCKED UP - and carry that key like a chatelaine. Dirol

secret's picture

....and that is why I'm more of a food nazi...

beyond things that are very clearly for general consumption - they know what foods they can have, and where it is. They know what is NOT for general consumption, and where that is.

They also know that if there is something out of the ordinary, DO NOT TOUCH. ASK.

you want, you ask.
don't ask, don't touch.
you touch, I punish.

no hiding of food.
No irritation at having things taken.
Simple.

hopelessly parked's picture

I am ready to give up on my marriage and my SK are adults.  I plan on just leaving the whole thing behind and my husband is a great husband and father that I love but the whole SK and the grand child etc is just too much for me anymore.  I was told to take a deep breath and think and I am and it is still frustrating