I think I'm being an Idiot...
So apparently right now, SO and I are going through a "breakup" -- but he's still at my house, routines are all the same... it's very confusing. I don't want things to end, this is all his words/decision. HOWEVER, I think I'm just being an idiot and hoping things will turn around but in the end, will he actually try?
I have depression issues - and have recently been trying to get my medication right. Well, in November - there was a switch up and boy did things get really rough for me! I felt terrible and apologized all the time to SO, saying it wasn't his fault - it's the meds, or lack of meds at the moment, things will turn around, etc. Now I'm finally on something that I think will stick for good (thank goodness!!) and he's wanting to leave?
He told me not too long ago, after a stressful day, that he didn't think he wanted to marry or have kids with me anymore. WHATTT??? I was shocked. Our parents have met, we really believed that we were forever, and would have our own family and goals and all that wonderful "happily ever after" crap - and now suddenly after a bad month and some stupid words - we are over?
It's been about 6 days now since he told me he was leaving. The skids come back tomorrow, and he did finally ask last night "I would appreciate it if we could stay here until I find a new place" Well I don't think I can handle that w/the kids around, w/o them - sure - but with them there, putting on a fake show? No way. I cry too much right now - I wouldn't be able to handle it! It also leaves me with false hope, that things will end up being fine.
I joined the gym again, my meds are working - I'm really working hard on me and trying to get things back on track with our relationship but he seems he isn't willing to try. He thinks we have too many resentments and after the things he's said that we'll never work out. Why did he even move in in the first place if he was going to so easily give up? Doesn't this man realize that relationships are SUPER hard and need constant attention to stay healthy and happy? What did I do that was so horrible that he wants out now?
What am I supposed to do? I know by letting him stay even just this week was a dumb choice, but my dumb choice to make. Just to feel his arms around in bed and be together with him... I couldn't pass up the chance. But now the week is ending and he's still talking the same way - I guess it is time for me to let him go.
I think tonight I will try one more time to really talk things out and see if he really truly 100% believes this is over or not, and if he does - then he needs to go. I want to say goodbye to the skids, so we can tell them after school tomorrow and off to his mom's house they can go... b/c I can't let myself go through the pain of being around him anymore if he's really leaving...