You are here

I think I'm being an Idiot...

confused86's picture

So apparently right now, SO and I are going through a "breakup" -- but he's still at my house, routines are all the same... it's very confusing. I don't want things to end, this is all his words/decision. HOWEVER, I think I'm just being an idiot and hoping things will turn around but in the end, will he actually try?

I have depression issues - and have recently been trying to get my medication right. Well, in November - there was a switch up and boy did things get really rough for me! I felt terrible and apologized all the time to SO, saying it wasn't his fault - it's the meds, or lack of meds at the moment, things will turn around, etc. Now I'm finally on something that I think will stick for good (thank goodness!!) and he's wanting to leave?

He told me not too long ago, after a stressful day, that he didn't think he wanted to marry or have kids with me anymore. WHATTT??? I was shocked. Our parents have met, we really believed that we were forever, and would have our own family and goals and all that wonderful "happily ever after" crap - and now suddenly after a bad month and some stupid words - we are over?

It's been about 6 days now since he told me he was leaving. The skids come back tomorrow, and he did finally ask last night "I would appreciate it if we could stay here until I find a new place" Well I don't think I can handle that w/the kids around, w/o them - sure - but with them there, putting on a fake show? No way. I cry too much right now - I wouldn't be able to handle it! It also leaves me with false hope, that things will end up being fine.

I joined the gym again, my meds are working - I'm really working hard on me and trying to get things back on track with our relationship but he seems he isn't willing to try. He thinks we have too many resentments and after the things he's said that we'll never work out. Why did he even move in in the first place if he was going to so easily give up? Doesn't this man realize that relationships are SUPER hard and need constant attention to stay healthy and happy? What did I do that was so horrible that he wants out now?

What am I supposed to do? I know by letting him stay even just this week was a dumb choice, but my dumb choice to make. Just to feel his arms around in bed and be together with him... I couldn't pass up the chance. But now the week is ending and he's still talking the same way - I guess it is time for me to let him go.

I think tonight I will try one more time to really talk things out and see if he really truly 100% believes this is over or not, and if he does - then he needs to go. I want to say goodbye to the skids, so we can tell them after school tomorrow and off to his mom's house they can go... b/c I can't let myself go through the pain of being around him anymore if he's really leaving...


Maxwell09's picture

Listening to what he has to say?! Give him space?! Coming from the poster who refuses to back the F off of her bf's kids after her yelled at you to do so. HAHAHAHAHAHA Shut the front door. Now I know for sure your post are a crock.


I think you should tell him to take his kids and go. At this point he's just using you as a hotel service and you are worth more than that. You realized you had a bad month and you're working on correcting yourself-that's all you can do. If that's not good enough for him then you need someone better.

confused86's picture

HAHA! No worries - I know what that poster is about Wink

I know, that's the hard truth. It's really been weighing down on me today. Losing someone you love is never easy. It'll take awhile but I'm sure I'll pick myself back up eventually. I mean, I've always had a gut feeling I'll be alone forever - so I shouldn't really be surprised that he's leaving. I don't think I'd want me either.

Cocoa's picture

no, don't talk to him again. he's told you how he feels and to "beg" him more will simply lower your self-esteem more and give him even more power, and the one thing you desperately need right now is to feel some of your power. and I agree, set the kids down and tell them and then boot them to his mom's. he's keeping you in limbo by not leaving immediately. do not let him stay one day more. do not chase him, do not initiate communication, do not let him see/hear you upset. let HIM wonder why he's leaving such a strong woman. what could you have done that's so bad, anyway?

confused86's picture

Thank you! And yes, I agree. That's why I think he doesn't really mean what he's saying - I think he's completely confused as well. But the time is up for that, the skids are coming back and tonight is the night we figure this out. Either way it goes.

If it goes how I think it will (him leaving), then this weekend will be really hard on me. Thankfully its my little cousin's Sweet 16 - so I have that party to attend and then I'll go blow off some steam at the casino with my mom Smile I wont die... I keep repeating that to myself. I am a strong person and I will survive through it - no matter how it feels at this moment.

Adinah's picture

He wants to leave you but also wants to continue to live with you?
If he doesn't quit now he will easily quit at a later date. It's only a matter of time.
And if you don't do something now and you waste time with this guy you are going to regret it very quickly.
Best of luck.

confused86's picture

Apparently "piss" is A-Okay! lol

Well it's not just the weekend, we have skids EOW - so yea... even worse!

I'm not sure why he wants to stay, besides it being more convenient for the skids and school, etc. Then just not having any personal space at his mom's, I'm sure that's why too. It'll be interesting to see how this all works out tonight.

misSTEP's picture

Even if he doesn't realize it, the head games are very emotionally abusive. If he is willing to give up that easily, without even trying to work on it, then you'd might as well let him go. Because a couple can go through some serious sh!t in their lives and your relationship will fizzle if you don't both fight to make it work.

Might as well not waste any more of your life on a person who isn't all in.