You are here

So this was my Christmas

completely overwhelmed's picture

Christmas morning DD is 4 so of course she woke up early and wanted to open presents. But SD(16) said she didn’t feel good and wouldn’t get up out of bed. We waited and waited and it got to be about an hour before we needed to go to church and SD still wouldn’t get up.

A few hours later, we had missed the last church service and SD still refused to get out of bed and complained about her head and stomach hurting. We went ahead and opened presents without her.

My mom was going to have Christmas dinner at 5pm, but with us running late, that was delayed -inconveniencing everyone. By 4pm, we realized there was no possible way we wanted to deal with SD at Christmas dinner even if DH did drag her over there. So DH stayed home with SD while I took DD over to my mom’s for Christmas dinner.

Then that evening DH texted me that SD was having a major meltdown so I left DD over at my parents’ house to spend the night to avoid her having to come back home to more drama with SD.

More and more DH can’t do things with DD because of SD. It’s unfair to DD that her dad can’t be there for important family moments because of SD’s issues.

SD’s psychiatrist switched one of her meds a few weeks ago and there were potential short term side effects but the way SD acts no one can tell exactly what’s the cause of why all the complaints that she doesn’t feel good or if she is just using it as an excuse.

SD was supposed to call her mom on Christmas Eve, but her mom backed out of it so that probably was a factor in her behavior but that makes it even harder to figure out if the new medication is or isn’t working.

SD has been using the excuse she doesn't feel good constantly at school to avoid even sitting at her desk or doing any homework. Since the beginning of the school year every day we have been receiving multiple emails from her teachers about SD's excuses that day. So this is a reoccurring issue and DH had scheduled doctor appointments this week hoping his schedule at work would be light - but it's not. There's a job his boss wanted to get done by Friday so DH has had to take unpaid time off to take SD to see a neurologist and gastroenterologist. But it's terrible timing with the med changes since there's no clear answers about whether the problems are just side effects. So it's been a waste of time and money and we're no closer to any improvements in SD's behavior.

I wish this didn't impact DD so much since it's ruined her Christmas to have SD whining and complaining constantly and preventing DH and I both taking DD places or having any quality family time. All this week I've been taking DD out to run errands or go to movies in the evening because I want to avoid being at home and having to deal with SD.


completely overwhelmed's picture

Her diagnosis is still primarily just depression and anxiety. On top of that she has ADHD and sensory issues. The drug is Celexa which she was on before but stopped when they found out she has a heart rhythm problem. its one of the drugs she's not suppose to take but her doctor wants to try it because it works better than the heart safe meds.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Have you all hired respite care in the past? If not, I think it's time to look into having a nurse aide or other professional scheduled to come out twice a month so you and DH can spend quality time with DD. DCS, FSSA, or Division of Mental Health should be able to point you in the right direction. If not, ask the psychiatrist, or call a local hospice or adult day care facility to see who they might reccomend.

completely overwhelmed's picture

I've tried to find someone but there aren't any respite providers willing to deal with her since she has a history of suicide attempts. I called every home health aid type business and none would help since they aren't qualified mental health professionals. I tried finding some grad student who might be able to help for a few hours a week but couldn't find anyone.

Indigo's picture

I'm sorry that you are feeling chased out of your home and that your holiday with DD-4 has been compromised by SD's illness/disease. I've not followed your story that well, but I know that your family has really, really struggled with SD for a long time. If I remember correctly there have been a number of medications tried and possible diagnoses explored.

Labels aren't the person, I get it. However, have you ever gotten a good sense of what is wrong with her? There is something significantly atypical with SD that doesn't seem to be effectively addressed. Feeling sick may be quite true for her and not an excuse for avoidant behavior. She is miserable. So & the family are miserable. In the past, I know that I've challenged your posts a bit, more because of "tone" than content. Tonight, I wish that I had any idea of how to help. {{hugs}}

Most folks have this discordant view of how we think holidays should be and how our reality turns out. (Remember this is a time of increased suicides, sudden deaths, etc.) Thanks to Hollywood, parenting books and Urban Myth, we have this fantasized idea of how a good family shares tradition and celebrates this time of year. I think that the majority of us are living a very different life. We all have our challenges and face that difference between fantasized and realized.

I doubt that DD's Christmas was ruined --- it just was different than you'd hoped. I'll bet that years from now, she'll remember some little thing and speak of how great Christmas 2017 was for her.

zerostepdrama's picture

My adopted sister age 18 has mental/behavioral/learning issues and she's on different meds- one will work, then it won't work, etc. Anyways, anytime we see her, which isn't very often because they live 6 hours away, she gets jealous of the attention my Dad and SM pay to my sister and our kids and there is ALWAYS drama. Always something to "ruin" the day. It's like she has to put the attention and focus back on her. The visit always ends up with my sister and I frustrated that our visit was cut short or ruined, etc. And my parents are always like "it's her meds, she's not feeling well, she's out of her element, etc" . So no real advice but (((HUGS))) as I can understand. I can't imagine living with that every day.