Mirror, Mirror on the wall...
Who is the most patient of them all?!?!?
Mirror: "Why, Colorado Girl...you are the most patient of them all..."
BM is bipolar. She is on meds. She thrives on chaos and drama. If she doesn't have turmoil in her life, she will create it. She has focused all this creative energy on her now ex-boyfriend and I am doing cartwheels that it is no longer on my husband and myself.
HOWEVER, where is it written that my husband now becomes her confidant/advisor/counselor/consultant on a daily basis? ExBF has been stalking BM leaving notes on her door and clearly violating the restraining order. She's also in the process of moving because the DV advocate has said that it is in her best interest. So every time the wind blows, DH's phone is ringing with the latest and greatest news/update.
In my dream of peace with BM...it also included solitude. She is still all consuming of my daily life. It may not be the negative way it was before, but still a constant presence.
So what do you do when you kill someone with kindness and they resurrect themself as a sufferer in need of a good bartender?
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Comments
I have told my dh how much
I have told my dh how much he and the bm shooting the sh*t bothers me.. that if it doesnt pertain solely to the children and their needs, then I dont think they need to discuss it. I also hate that he knows what is going on in her life.. I say HER life, as she makes a point of chit chatting about this friend or that, or her family.. not the skids.
Is it possible to ask him to limit the calls he takes from her. That he is YOUR dh and he need not be a daily contact for the bm.. again, unless it has to do w/the girls.
he shouldn't answer
BM will continue to call your DH as long as he continues to answer. It's such a fine line - I hate the phone calls. Luckily they are growing rare, she may call but my DH deletes the msg. He only texts her and it's only about the kids. Usually...
I can tell you one of my favorite stories where I "lost it" was last summer on DH's birthday. BM learned her "not calling" lesson but she and all her nutjob, drunk, crazy friends decided to start a texting contest will all these mushy "Happy Birthday, we are getting old aren't we?" on and on and my DH didn't even know who they were from other than BM. Needless to say I wasn't the "most patient one of them all." I freaked on him and got upset. Not the best solution but PMS probably had something to do with it too
Shoe on other foot
I don't think my DH understood why I would get upset when BM would call at all times of the day and night with any little problem she would have. He has gone to her house to look at her car or a lock or something stupid like that because she "needed it for SD". Then the most irritating calls were with SD and BM screaming at each other like 5 year olds and wanting DH to take care of it..just mind numbing! I finally asked him how he would feel if my ex called me everyday for nonsense. He said it wouldn't bother him if it were about the kids. Well my ex DOESN'T call me at all (thank goodness)but I really don't think all these calls that BM makes are necessary either. He did finally understand where I was coming from and limited those calls by making BM handle her child herself, and she moved. I just know that Dh would have a royal fit if my ex called me as much as BM was calling him and I think deep down he knows that too.
~Evil
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren