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I am actually content today....

Colorado Girl's picture

The tides may turn like they always do, but for today I'll kick my feet up and sit back and smile. BM is on a bipolar upswing (which is always helpful) and I think I'll enjoy the ride this time around. I am the constant worrier and I'm going to have a little faith in my husband. I think he's capable and it is HIS situation to handle.

I had a little screaming match with hubby last night and I have to say I feel so much better. I let him know just how lucky he is to have me and just how close I am to giving up on this. I don't deserve this and damn it, he promised me it would get better....maybe he should start delivering that promise. I don't ask for much. All that I want is a little peace. I little space so that I can get back to the basics. I am so sick of his past life weighing my current life down. BM is a looming presence and he either needs to help alleviate that or just know that I will one way or another alleviate it for myself. I 100% appreciate the fact that there is always going to be that co-parent relationship and I encourage the communication, but having her life completely enmeshed with mine....those days are over for me. He can follow my lead or continue to live in her chaos, it's his choice. I love my skids and I respect her as their mother but after this latest custody dispute is over, BM needs to back off and it is DHs responsibility to make sure this happens. He is not her go-to guy every time her life takes a sh*t. DH is now crystal clear to what my expectations are and he knows that I'm in it for the long haul as long as they are met. I've held up my end of the deal, he needs to start on his.

Needless to say, I think DH listened because he let me know this morning that BM will be keeping the girls tonight and he has plans for just the two of us. He thinks we need some alone time. I am so very excited. Sometimes a good ol' fashioned little blow up at the hubby makes him stop and listen. Hopefully we are getting back on the right track...


Monica's picture

That is great to hear. Kind of like my post this morning. It's so nice to be able to just spend some time with your man without any interferance, and you NEED that. You need to be told that you're loved and needed and wanted and be held and talked to and LISTENED to. That is the best medicine. We spend so much time catering to all the kids and to the BM and to the DH even because of the BM and skids, and it's like we're forgotten about when all we want is that all important #1 spot with the man we love. They don't realize the power their attention/affection has on us, and how easily our tension and stress can be relieved by just stopping and giving us the same amount of attention they give the former life/wife/kids.

Good for you CG, enjoy it Smile

"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman

Stepmom_C's picture

You go CG! You need a date night. I go through the same cycles - after enough blow ups with my DH he finally did catch on. Hopefully your DH will take notice. You are doing things to help you deal with the situation but you need his support and strength as well.

Lives emeshed...NOPE! He can disengage to an extent and still coparent. I hope he steps up. Date night planning is a start!

Enjoy it and have a good weekend Wink

gobbism's picture

Recently we changed things so that FH is not a constant EOW parent. Last fall it was pretty hard for me because that's when I'm most exhausted. I'm a landscaper and fall means hauling LOTS of leaves and huge backaches. Every weekend was lost to the SS. Currently, I'm resting, plotting my next work season but it took some mandatory mediation to change our schedule so that we alternate weekends. I think it is better now that we have some weeknights too because then the homework can be monitored better too. I enjoy FSS's company much more this way.

Alone time is great when you actually have nothing to do the next day.

Count2ten's picture

I hope he is getting the message. And I hope you have a good time and talk about anything BUT BM and SS.

debiamia's picture

I had to do the same thing with my DH over SD16 and the BM.They are both master manipulators and I had to let DH know that I will not tolerate the crisis calls, living with the drama as it was ruining our relationship.There is only room for two in a marriage.

Most Evil's picture