Divorced Dads forum
DH knows that I belong to a blog/forum for stepparents and how much it helps me, so this weekend DH looks for forums for men going through custody stuff (BM is moving this week and hasn't notified DH, and specifically told SS "not to tell dad"). He was looking for advice, suggestions, support, etc.
Well I think I found why these BM's think they can do whatever they want.......because men let them!
The overwhelming responses were that we should pack up and follow her!!!! And if I (his new wife) had an issue with it then he should rethink our marriage. Other responses included doing whatever it takes to keep BM happy, and how DH brought this all on himself because he remarried.
I am speechless........
- Coco72's blog
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Hmmmm, maybe he found a site
Hmmmm, maybe he found a site secretly hosted and ran by GUBMs
I. am. speachless.
I. am. speachless.
Seriously? Follow BM's whims for eternity becasue they procreated?? Whatever happened to men with actual balls?
Sonds like they're all
Sonds like they're all brainwashed... Last time I checked the saying is "happy wife, happy life." Not "Keep BM happy and make sure the dang world spinds around her, even at the expense of your wife."
NOPE!
DH visited a few of these
DH visited a few of these sites after he got divorced, and they are no different than the fluffy "bonus family" sites that exist for SPs. It's either people who don't have issues with the exes and deal with limited toxicity, or it's people trying to convince themselves that they need to behave a certain way because they're divorced.
DH and I purposefully live 30+ minutes away from BM. We COULD have bought a house near where BM HAD been living, but she was homeless when we bought so it was a gamble to move into the boys' school district. It would STILL be a gamble since she has never been super stable with her living arrangements unless DH was paying for it (even then, her XH managed to get then evicted).
Plus, living closer to BM means that she would find excuse after excuse to come over, or drive by, or whatever. Being further away means less drama and her being less BSC.
Ultimately it hurts the boys, but having spawned with Satan's mistress doesn't mean DH has to give up his sanity to appease her. He still participates in activities, sees his kids regularly, pays his CS, etc. He misses a lot, but being closer to her wouldn't necessarily guarantee that he would be anymore involved. She'd STILL be CP and wouldn't give up enough time to lose CS (or control). It would be a moot point.
So, really, take those dad boards with the same grain of salt that you would Cafe Mom or whatever other happy-go-lucky "bonus family" forum that exists. They don't *get it*, or they do and think that the bigger person should be a doormat. No thanks.
oh do give me the web address!!!
My ex is being really difficult right now - maybe they would knock some sense into him that would favour me for once.
I am sick of being walked all over just becuse I seek compromise and avoid confrontation and won't drag my kid into either my and my ex's mess or my partner and his ex's mess.
Oh lord! These people that
Oh lord! These people that think men should follow someone that have kids with are so full of crap. What site is this so I can laugh?
Shrink4men is a good site. It
Shrink4men is a good site. It's not a "Cafemom for men" type of place.
I think that's slightly harsh
the dads on that forum are so used the mothers being able to do whatever they want. They have seen time after time that the dads do not get 50/50 custody or primary, so their goal is to get to that. If that is the goal and they cant establish that it's the child's best interest to stay in a city then they move.
These fathers' main goal is to be involved parents who have 50/50 or primary. They are not like most dads on this site who would rather have the Smoms parent and are ok being every other weekend dads.
Living closer doesn't mean
Living closer doesn't mean getting 50/50, especially in pro-BM states. Sure, the possibility increases in getting 50/50 if you live closer, but it really depends on the area.
Here, Dad may get 50/50, but no judge would stop Mom from moving. If Mom moves, 90% of the time she is awarded CP and Dad becomes NCP. If the roles were reversed, the result would still be the same - BM as CP.
That is A LOT of control to give to another person that is signed, sealed, and sanctioned by court. Some BMs can't be stable, so it becomes a neverending marathon of chasing BM around the state or country. That's expensive for Dad, and ruins his career prospects.
I understand why men do it, and I understand why other men encourage it. However, that's part of the reason why laws and court rulings don't change. Men aren't standing up en masse demanding their rights to equal parenting. My DH is one of those men who sits back idly, and it drives me NUTS sometimes that he'd rather give in to keep the peace than to fight.
Ultimately, courts grant custody time, not BM. Following BM around the country, at the expense of your job and your marriage, doesn't guarantee more time with your kid. Only a CO can do that (in theory, anyway). Men have to make the choice for themselves, whether they will provide stability where they are and challenge BM in court or follow BM wherever she may go with their kids. Neither is a fun prospect for men, but the advice of "follow her and dump your wife if she disagrees" is bonkers and unhealthy for both Dad and the kid.
Please tell us the site.
Please tell us the site.
Is it possible he thinks the site supports mens rights? Are you sure the responses were/are from men?
HEY...try the Fathers Rights Movement?? They are on FB
I will ask DH what the site
I will ask DH what the site is, I don't remember if he even told me, and let you all know :)